How long should you and your spouse/partner be together before having a baby?

Question

When my wife has our child, we will be together for 6 years including our courtship.

It is a perfect time for us since I have had 6 years alone with my wife to spend quality time together without any added stress of children.

My mother knew my father exactly 2.5 years when I was born, she says she feels she should had been with my father longer before she got pregnant (I was planned). She said by the time I was 10 she realized she didn't really know my father since she didn't have much time to spend with him. She says she may had not divorced if she had more "couple time".

What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

I think you should be married first as too many children grow up without fathers. Wait a couple of years after that to be sure that the marriage will last. You and your spouse want to spend time alone without the added responsibility of caring for others for awhile. Living with a husband/wife is a new experience if you did not live with him/her before marriage with wonderful new experiences happening. Make sure you are loving and happy first. A loving home is a happy home. A place of refuge, a place of safety, a comfortable place to be.

Answer 2

It doesn't matter how long you are together. Granted, couples in love need some time to become committed as life long companions and best friends, but just because you've had 6 years ALONE doesn't mean you can all of a sudden introduce a child in 9 months from now and know what your doing.

Of course it isn't the same thing as having a kid, but one thing me and my wife of 1 month (courtship: 4 years) did was we got 2 cats long ago, and we plan on getting a puppy soon. Its hard to compare that to taking care of a child but its a start and a good beginning to practice raising a family. You have to feel like she is not just your wife, but your bestfriend and unconditional companion.

But anyway, my advice is if you are able to take care of a puppy or a few cats for a few years with no stress, you may be ready for a baby... but who knows everyone is different. At least if you start out with pets, you will still have more "couple" time.

And after all, a new pet will quickly become part of the family, and you will soon be calling it your kid. If you don't have an animal already, get one, so you can get used to sharing your love with someone else in the family.

Answer 3

I agree wholeheartedly! My husband and I had our first child 5 1/2 years into our marriage. We dated for 3 years before marrying. Our children were both planned. My husband and I have a great relationship and have fun with the kids as well as when we are alone. We look forward to family activities. We have just as much fun going on a date together or meeting with friends without the kids along. Also the time spent before children allowed us both to see the other person very very well. To be able to tell the difference between mood swings and that something is really wrong. I went through post partum depression after our second child. My husband could very clearly see it and was able to provide support quickly. Had we not known each other so well, we may have ended up seperating or even divorcing if it caused more problems.

Answer 4

I say that it is about time for you and your wife to give baby making a try. Your have been together for a long time. The truth is, people that are together longer with out kids than those who have kids right away have a harder time transitioning into the parenting mode. My husband and I were barely together when we got pregnant (we met and a month later I was pregnant). Things are going great for us now. It's like we all just became a family together. It's really different for all people. You should consider your age as well. As w a woman ages her chances for conception decreases. Good luck with parenting - it is both a joy and a struggle. It's also a lifelong commitment!

Answer 5

Planning is a very important aspect of courtship.
During this stage, you and your wife should have talked about the number of children you wanted to have, the kind of family that you both wanted to raise, the lifestyle that you wanted to pursue, etc. Child bearing and child rearing is really a stressful and burdensome activity for both spouses if you are going to look at your children as a commodity rather than as a gift from God. So long as parents are willing to place their careers, goals and personal happiness ahead of the very lives of their children, the world will become an increasingly hostile and sad place in which to live. Go ahead, raise a family. God bless you.

Answer 6

I believe it depends on you and your spouse's maturity and commitment to each other. Marriage is about commitment, not about knowing each other because people grow and sometimes they grow differently than the other spouse. If you are committed, it doesn't matter.

Parenting is about commitment to the family unit. It takes maturity, patience and insight to learn about yourself and your spouse and heal old wounds. It will bring out things in one another you would never expect, no matter how long you have been with them.

I met my husband on New Year's 98 and got married May 99 (5 mos. later) and had a child immediately. I was almost 27 and he was almost 33. We had another child 18 mos. later and I will tell you it has been the hardest thing but the BEST thing in my life. I love my spouse deeper than before.

Love each other unconditionally and have a good attitude.

Answer 7

It really depends. My fiance and I have been together close to 4 years and we already have 2 children. My parents only dated for a year when my mom got pregnant with me and they stayed married for 16 years. I think it really depends on the parents of the child. Some people grow together while some grow apart. It seems like my fiance and I grow together. Good luck with planning your family.

Answer 8

There is no magical number. It is very individual to every relationship. Me and my husband were only together a year before my son was born, but we made it work. We could have used another year or so, but it happened and we realize now that we will have that extra year back when he leaves the house. So we got a positive out of it. You will know when you are ready. You will feel it. My brother and his girlfriend were together 9 years before they felt ready. They led more of a fast paced life. Its up to you guys to decide.

Answer 9

I think she should have known your father well enough in that much time. Why is it that married people spend so much time obsessing over how things would've been different had they waited to have children and single people do the opposite? Grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.

Answer 10

We were mutually in simple terms over 2 years. We were given pregnant about 2 months when we were given married and it became no longer planned yet we are very excited besides. this is as a lot as you techniques lengthy you prefer to attend formerly having a toddler inclusive of your better 1/2. I do propose that it should be surprising to have a toddler with someone that you've faith thoroughly and ought to prefer to spend something else of your existence. i imagine that you ought to also be married first.