He comes over and hangs out with my son who just graduated from high school and when he gets here the phone starts ringin. She will not leave him alone. He has diabetes since 5 yrs old and she thinks he is disabled. She calls if he is here 2-3 times and wakes me up at midnite to see if he is here. He has never worked because she drives his employers crazy by checking up on him and interfering with his job. She took him out of school when he was about 9 yrs old and "home schooled" him. He has never had a formal education. He probably made it thru the 5th grade max. They are so socially disfunctional, I hate to turn my back him. I think I am his only chance. He is so used to being under her thumb, he cannot function in society. Any suggestions.
2006-07-11 11:43:08 · 10 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The kid we are talking about belongs to my brother and his wife. They both have some serious drinking problems. She has ran up thousands of dollars in credit card debit trying to keep my nephew happy. She buys Jeep parts and other junk for him.
She will do anything to keep him out of the job market. He has no incentive to work and his life is so boring. He comes in and out of my driveway 6-7 times a day to check on my dog and to see if my son is home. ITs just NUTS!
2006-07-11 12:00:33 · update #1
I'm not sure who has the problem. Is it your sister in law, or her son, or both? If it's just her, I would recommend that the son get a cell phone and not let her know where he is working or their phone number (maybe say that the work number is the cell?). If she wants to call him, she can call the cell number, but he doesn't need to answer it, maybe once or twice a day he can check msgs and call her back.
The fact that she calls you up in the evening, if you have caller ID - don't answer it, and when you go to bed, take the receiver off the hook (that's what my grandma does so that people don't wake her -she goes to sleep very early).
If it's him, all I can say is that, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Just open up the avenues for him. Maybe find a male mentor that can befriend him (better if he's in social work, etc.) and possibly help him work through things.
Good luck!
2006-07-11 12:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by victorygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mother treated him like a "sick child and look what happened. I do feel there is hope for him but he needs alot of guidance and encouragment and right now you're the person to give this to him. I have a 23 year old son that was diagnosed with diabetes when he was 10 years old. I never allowed him to use his diabetes as an excuse for anything. He lives his own life, works for a living, travels, etc. A major misconception is that diabetics think they cannot live a normal life. There are many famous people that are diabetics because they refuse to let this disease control them. When it comes right down to it, everyone needs to make their own personal decisions and do what's best for them whether other people agree or not, including parents.
2006-07-11 12:56:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that this is a problem with a quick and simple solution. It can be the most difficult task in the world to convince a mother that she shouldn't do all she can to protect her child from hurt, harm, or danger. It would be most helpful to educate his mom on the facts of his condition and to get her to realize that she's hurting him herself way more than anything she could possibly be protecting him from.
I'd also suggest that you could begin to help his social life by inviting both your nephew and his mom over to your house for a visit or on an outing on occasion. Another thought would be to invite his mother over as he begins to venture out, this way you can provide his mother with some needed comfort as you prolong the intervals in which she tries to contact him while he's out.
As for working, your nephew may not want to lie to his mom, though he just may need to tell her that his place of employment does not allow personal calls of any nature during the work day.
2006-07-11 12:08:05 · answer #3 · answered by outspoken1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you would agree with me when I say that the mother is doing irreparable damage to the son. This is a very delicate situation, because technically it's none of your business. I would try to talk to the mother, and maybe get her to realize that she won't be around forever, and that her son is going to have to learn some living skills if he is to survive after she's passed on.
The mother needs to relax her grip, and the son need to start exercising some independence.
2006-07-11 11:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it this is your sister. She needs help. A good psychologist for starters, then they both need to seek therapy together. She made your nephew to grow up so he would depend on her. If he only made it through 5th grade he certainly can't go out on his own. He needs our help but he has to see that what his mother is doing is not o.k. There are lots of parents who go beserk when their child has some kind of illness, mild or serious. I would bet that she is single too. She probably has counted on her son for everything including male support. It's sick.
2006-07-11 11:55:06 · answer #5 · answered by mib247 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! this female sounds like a top nightmare!!! she sounds like she doesn't pick absolutely everyone to be in a relationship including her son no matter if that individual is you or somebody else Does her son actual pay interest to her rants about you?? if so i imagine he needs to augment a backbone for himself!! also aho is she to assert if someone is purely too youthful to have a baby or no longer lol how in the international do you artwork with stay with and see very in many circumstances you deserve a bloody medal do what i do with my mom in regulation smile sweetly and nod polietly untill you attain the accurate of your tether then tell her what you fell
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2006-07-16 00:52:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like she has a problem. She may need to see a psychiatrist.. she doesnt want to let him go. If he is 25 yrs old then it is definately time for him to be able to start his own life.. hes an adult and shouldnt be treated like a 12 yr old. He needs your help!
2006-07-11 11:49:38 · answer #8 · answered by C-Baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to stand up to her and let her know he needs to work, and become dependent upon himself. If he wants to make his life better, then he has to want to make a change and do it. You can try talking to her, but she seems be determined to keep him all to herself.
2006-07-11 12:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by tigerprincess_bee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to move from under his mother's influence. If he is inclined.
2006-07-11 11:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋