The invitation to the shower - which I clearly can't attend because it's on the opposite coast - included three different registry cards, which I find offensive. The bride makes probably 3x what I do, and it's a second marriage, so I have already bought shower and wedding gifts. I plan to attend the wedding, so of course will give a gift then. Do I have to send a shower gift also? And if so, what price range? Does it make a difference that I dislike the guy, she complains about him a lot (and from what she hears from his friends, he complains about her a lot), and it seems that this marriage is not a good idea?
2006-07-11 11:01:51 · 8 answers · asked by khtanktgrl 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Unfortunately you have not said who the bride is to you. That might influence my answer. If you don't like the guy...and it sounds like you aren't jumping up and down for this marriage...I don't even think you should attend the wedding - being that this is the second marriage...unless the bride is a close relative. But since you are going all the way across country to attend the wedding, the gift you bring there will be more than enough. You are CERTAINLY NOT obligated to give any kind of a shower gift. Just politely decline your attendance. I still really think that unless you are related to the bride and if you have not already purchased a ticket or gift for the WEDDING, you should politely decline the whole thing. Wedding gifts and air tickets are expensive. If it were me, I would just say I was unable to attend either affair and just send a congratulatory card.
2006-07-11 13:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by ami 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Issue #1: Registry cards should NEVER be sent in any type of invitation. It is perfectly OK to be offended by them.
Issue #2: You are not "required" or obligated to send a gift to a shower if you can not attend. Showers are usually for first time brides but they're becoming more common for second and even third marriages.
Issue #3: You are not required or obligated to bring a gift to the wedding. Gifts are not supposed to be expected at weddings or birthdays even if it is traditional.
Also, another poster brought up the notion of buying a gift that "covers the cost of your plate". This is complete nonsense! You do not have to spend what you think it costs for your portion of food at the reception. I have no idea where this concept came from, but it is absolutely crazy. It was most likely thought up by gift grabby bridezillas.
2006-07-12 03:54:01 · answer #2 · answered by Just Jess 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Send regrets to the shower and don't send a gift. If you attend the wedding and have already spent the expense to get there, give a gift a little more expensive than what they spent on your plate at the reception. And hold your tongue about any complaints you have.
2006-07-11 18:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by wmp55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's been married before, shouldn't she have most of what she needs? ;) If it's someone you feel close to, send a gift card from one of the places. But if you chose not to, don't feel bad. If you are on the opposite coast, you are making a huge effort to be there for the wedding and they should be happy with that.
2006-07-11 18:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say...don't send a shower gift!! I think that bridal showers are only traditional for the first wedding...just like how baby showers are traditional only for the first baby!!
2006-07-11 18:57:13 · answer #5 · answered by Amoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that's a tough decision but you know what just give then a little gift if you can afford it and shout them up. Hopefully this will be the last time and she wouldnot carry any feelings for you because you didn't give her a gift.
2006-07-11 18:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. But if you don't go, you have to pay UPS or FEDEX a fee.
I f do go, you can hand deliver the gift, and your only expense would be the car rental and or fuel. eating out, too.
2006-07-11 18:05:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't send anything.
2006-07-12 01:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋