My husband got injured in Iraq and my parents never called once to check on him. My dad says I am wrong?

Question

My husband got injured in Iraq and I called my mother right away and let her know. She said she would call me back that night, and I was of course very very upset on the phone. I never got a call back and a week later I called them. My dad answered and we as usual had nothing to talk about. So I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about and he said no, he was watching tv and to let him go. My mother had told him what happened to my husband and they claim to love him like a son. I got mad because he didn't call once in 3 weeks to check on him. He got mad at me and cussed me out because he says I should have called and that he should not be expected to call and check on someone if he is told they are ok (as in, not dead). I told him I think that you should call someone, or at least ASK ABOUT THEM when you know they are hurt, even if you know they are alive. He had the opportunity to ask how he was doing but found TV more important. Who do you think is right?

To clarify, what I am asking is do you think he should have called ONCE to ask about his son in law or asked about him when I called?

To all those asking about him, thank you, and yes he is going to be ok. He is not coming home (even though he can hardly walk) but he is ok.

Answer 1

Yes I do think he should of called and asked how your husband was doing. He also should of asked when you called back. Shame on your father and mother, your husband was fighting to keep them free the least they could do would be to check on him at least once. I hope your husband is doing well and is home or will be home soon. Tell him I said thank you for his service.

Answer 2

Yes, of course, the plainly courteous thing to do would be to inquire about your husbands health, even if they didn't care.
However, your parents sound like they are too emotional immature to even think that this is something they should do. It's not that they are trying to be mean, it's just that they not aware of anyone's needs but their own.
They probably think that the pragmatic thing to do is for you to call if there is any change. This also saves them the effort of getting involved.
You can get emotionally upset but it won't do any good because they won't have any idea what you are ranting about. I would think that the very most you could get from them is to agree to call every once in a while and ask about your husband just to make you happy and so you can tell your husband they asked.
You can't get blood out of a turnip however so, probably, I'd just save myself the personal turmoil and call them.

Answer 3

Dad should have called. It's courtesy. One of my friends went through a scare with her mom recently. Even though her mom turned out to be ok, I still called to check on my friend to make sure incase she needed to talk or needed anything. My parents are also clods like that. My 30th birthday was a few weeks ago and Dad thought to take my stepmom (my real mom passed away when I was a kid, but I do love my stepmom very much) to Italy for her birthday (about 5 days after mine). They sent me a present I could not possibly have use for, which was still at least thoughtful, but they never called me on my birthday. I know it's expensive to call from overseas, but my parents have plenty of money. My brother now lives in South Korea and he has a lot less money than they do, yet he still got it together enough to call me. Sometimes, blood ties don't make you any closer. I'm sorry that your folks were that insensitive but at least, like me, now you know. Good luck, and I'm glad your husband is ok!

Answer 4

Yes, I personally think he/she should have called. But - did you ever think that they didn't want to take the chance of hearing something they didn't want to hear? Like maybe you husband was hurt worse?
I got really upset with my brother when my Mom was dying of cancer. After it was all over, we sat down and talked about it. He admitted to me that he was afraid to call - that something would be worse. He admitted he was running from trouble. This might be the case.
Yes, they were in my opinion, very inconsiderate and had absolutely no right to cuss you out. No one really has the right to cuss anyone. Just one thing! Be thankful your parents are still alive.

Answer 5

True, they most likely should have called. I'm not sure what type of people your parents are, so their actions may have justified. They may have been afraid of your reaction of talking to them about your husband-this may sound rude, but-they might just have not wanted to hear you cry to them on the phone. Even this is the case, I personally beleive that your parents should have at least called during one of those three weeks. Even if they were afraid of the outcome or what you might say to them, its not worth leaving you alone to mope and make yourself feel worse.

Answer 6

They should've called to check on you to see if your ok. I mean, I know that if anything happened to my brother-in-law, I'd call every other day to be sure my sister is ok.

I think what's going on is that people are scared and hurt and the other party doesn't know how to react or what to do. Maybe they are just as scared as you.

It could be many things, but what's on the table right now is that you need your parents to console to you. Wwhatever reason, for the lack of calling, is for them to blame. But be easy, we won't know what's going on until everyone get's together to help your husband when he get's home.

Good luck to you and many thanks for your husband.

Answer 7

Wow, sorry to hear about this. Glad to hear your husband is ok. Your parents are pretty selfish and heartless. I'll bet if the situation was reversed, they would expect calls from you and be just as angry if you didn't call. That's sad and I am sorry. Right now just concentrate on your husband and yourself. Good luck!

Answer 8

You're right. You are expecting normal functioning from people that either don't function normally or know something about your husband that you don't. It doesn't sound like your parents are very involved with other people or that they know how to relate appropriately. But, having been raised by them, you would know that already.

Let me ask this, are your parents behaving differently than usual?

Answer 9

your father needs to learn the meaning of family. If your family loves you then they should show some kind of concern about your husband. Not only that he got wounded making sure that he has the freedom to sit there and watch his T.V. Some people take things for granted and family and his freedom should not be one of them.

Answer 10

Honey, parents are something else at times. Please don't try to take it too personal. I thank God that your husband isn't dead and I pray that he returns home soon. Sometimes we need to step back from our families and deal with them from a distance. I have a father similar to yours and I rarely speak to him. I do believe that you are right, but unfortunately people are going to act the way choose to act.