my fiance' and i when talking about our wedding party, have chosen to elect family members for our best man and maid of honor. How do I tell my bestfriend that she is not my maid of honor without breaking her heart?
2006-07-11 08:36:27 · 10 answers · asked by ~*Katie*~ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
okay so my fiance' chose his brother, and I chose my niece who is only 8 months younger than me. She is the friend that I've had for the longest so thats why i chose her
2006-07-11 08:55:45 · update #1
Explain it to her the same way you explained it here. Tell her that this was a decision you AND your fiance made. His best friend won't be his best man either. It's not that you don't want her in the wedding, you have just decided that family should fill the role.
It helps to know the real purpose of the maid of honor. Back in the days when women were married off by their parents, many men of the upper class were required to pay a bride-price. Particularly if they were not of the same status as the bride's family. (Dowries were paid to men who's status was higher than the brides) To ensure that honor is maintained a maid of honor would be chosen. If something were to happen to the bride before the wedding or it was discovered that the bride was not a virgin (not pure) then the maid of honor (normally a sister or cousin) would be made to wed the groom. This ensured the groom that one way or the other he would take home a wife for the money he paid. Knowing this, it is highly traditional that family is the maid of honor.
2006-07-11 08:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Are you close to the family member that you've chosen? If you aren't, like she's your second cousing or something, then you should choose your best friend. If you chose your sister, then I'm sure your best friend will understand. Also, don't ask anyone to be an attendant in your wedding until about 6-9 months before the wedding. You would be amazed how much your friends can change in 18 months. Good luck.
2006-07-11 15:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend should be ok with it. People usually understand that family comes first. I chose my cousins for my bridesmaids instead of my friends, but I included them in other ways. One friend did my hair, another played my wedding march and another one did the guest book. Just let her know that she still holds a special place in your heart.
Another option is you could see if your niece would mind sharing one maid of honor duty with your friend. My sister re-arranged my train, even though she wasn't the maid of honor and it all worked out. Or you could have two maids of honor who share duties. if that's not an option, I'm sure your friend will be ok as long as she knows how much she still means to you.
2006-07-12 17:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by Quicksilver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your friend is highly expecting to be the Maid of Honor, you shouldn't have to offer an explanation for your decision. She should be honored with the privilege of being apart of your wedding regardless. One word of caution though - make sure you pick a Maid of Honor that can handle her responsibilities and will be helpful to you. She will be the one planning your shower, bachelorette party, and assisting you along the way. Good Luck :)
2006-07-12 00:58:28 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel you must pick a family member for your maid of honor? You should be free to choose the person who means the most to you.
2006-07-11 15:47:07 · answer #5 · answered by kris2166 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply explain to your best friend that you & your fiance' have both decided to choose a family member, and then tell her you hope she is not offended. If she is your true best friend she will completely understand & remain excited that your getting married anyway. If she gets angry than maybe she's not really your best friend after all. Good luck!
2006-07-11 15:42:07 · answer #6 · answered by haywee05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to tell her she's not your maid of honor....she'll get the hint when you dont' ask her. If you're having other attendants, I assume she'll be one of them, so it shouldn't really matter.
2006-07-11 17:57:02 · answer #7 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she's truly your best friend, then she'll understand. You could give her additional duties, like doing a reading or asking her to say a toast at the reception to make her stand out and special.
2006-07-11 16:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by deb42278 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that you dont have to have these roles anymore right? Dont worry about labels! Have who you want by your side..they dont have to be "called" anything.
2006-07-12 11:43:23 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ok r u doing this to please your family or who?
just close your eyes and picture when you dreamed of getting married who did you always see standing next to you .
2006-07-11 16:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by vivi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋