Spanking vs Time-Out?

Question

What form of dicipline do you use? What kind of future generation do you think we're raising with this no-spanking form of dicipline?Also is your idea of disipline diffrent than your parents? Who do you think is doing a better job? You or your parents?

Answer 1

Spanking is necessary sometimes- to explain that pain is part of why you're saying No, like when your toddler runs into the street or tries to touch the stove.... But your child needs to be old enough (I think 3 or older) to understand. You need to use it as a tool to teach, not a tool to let go of your anger. My Dad spanked me in anger more often than not and it didn't work, because I was left wondering what I did wrong. My Mom on the other hand only spanked me once and explained what I'd done and why I was getting spanked- I never forgot that lesson. I really think it depends on the child though, some kids respond better to other forms of discipline like time out. I needed a little pain, but time out worked best for me so my Mom put me in the corner holding a glass of water above my head for 1 minute (sometimes more or less depending...)
As for the rest, I'm a new Mom so I'll learn as I go, I don't know if there is a better us or them, parents try their best, ours did, and we do. I do think that discipline is necessary, however your kids need it (spanks, grounding, time out, loss of freedom...) w/o discipline kids don't learn and believe it or not, w/o discipline they don't feel safe either ( I learned that working with troubled teens).
GOOD QUESTION- GOD BLESS!

Answer 2

I use whatever works. My kids are young, and one is autistic (mildly), so talking to them just doesn't work at this stage. I try time-outs, I try taking things away if they're fighting over them or throwing them, I use a behavior chart with my oldest, when nothing else works, I spank. I don't feel that we need to use any ONE form of discipline, as long as what we're using works for that child. Some children behave naturally without ever needing a spanking, but others, like myself and my kids, need quite a few spankings. If we say absolutely no spankings, and have a child that is very obstinent, then that's asking for trouble! My discipline techniques are very similar to my parents, except they never tried a behavior chart, and that works most of the time with my 4 yr old. We've been using it for a year now. My parents did a fantastic job raising me. I didn't drink, do drugs, or have sex until after my teen years, and I had friends who were having babies in 9th and 10th grade. I never got into the kind of trouble my friends did. It's too soon to say if it's working for my kids. I am so passionate about the need for discipline in a child's life, that I started my own group on Yahoo.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MomsforDiscipline/

Answer 3

It is hard, it really depends on what my child is doing or has done. One deserves the other, I try not to physically discipline him but I do get in that a$$ when I have to. I wont allow a child to run me at all. There is a fair amount of "spanking" that you can use in combination with time out, that will be beneficial. As long as you stand your ground when necessary, your child(ren) will respect you for that later. I think as far as the not spanking method could work, depending on the parent and how they approach the whole thing. Kids can tell if you mean what you say. What we will be doing is raising a generation of non-fighters and that is what we need. It is time for some peace and harmony Da*mmit! lol. If I can start with my 3 year old than I am willing. You have to remember your child is a product of their environment. So it is up to the parents to play Drill sergeants, Police, Judge, and whatever else we need to do so that our children will not be a menace to this society.

Answer 4

In California hitting you children is an offense. So, depending upon the state you are living in and their laws, I think a strict "time out", sitting in a corner facing the wall for 15 minutes or so is the best way to go, after talking with your child about what they did and why it was wrong. I see nothing wrong with giving a child a spank of their butt, but beating a child is abuse and wrong! There are alot of angry adults out there and they leave marks (welts) on their children and do physical harm. This is going too far! I think the laws of spanking a child within reason (and having a set guideline) is the best way to go. No-spanking, as I see it, is bring a generation into the world that are spoiled, disrespectful, brats! Not all children, but an awful lot. My parents spanked me when I was bad and I turned out just fine and I know right from wrong.

Answer 5

Both timeout and spanking occur in our home. Timeouts are used when one or more of the children need to regain their composure (or I do). Spanking is used for more serious situations, when they are doing something extremely dangerous that could hurt themselves or someone else. We also take away privileges and possessions for periods of time. There's nothing wrong with spanking as long as it's not used as a form of intimidation. It's hard to know whether I'm doing a better job than my parents did. The one thing I do know is that I feared my parents. They were loving, caring parents but punishment was swift and harsh. My children do not fear me, but they sometimes need to be reminded to respectme too. So, it can go either way. I can say that our generation seems to have more children with behavior problems than our parents did. My personal opinion is that it's about laziness. Our generation is not consistent with their children. It's a " I don't feel like it" kind of attitude and the children are taking full advantage of it. Growing up I got away with NOTHING. My parents had eyes everywhere.

Answer 6

I use time-out or taking away priviledges. I never spank my children. My siblings and I were spanked by both parents. I think that just because I don't spank my children doesn't mean that I have no structure or discipline method. We have respect, rules and consequences in our home. It works for us.
There are parents out there who don't spank and have no structure or method of discipline at all. Then we have the type of parents that spank and claim that if it is done out of love then it is okay. I disagree with both parenting styles.
think spanking is wrong. Beating, hitting, slapping. SAME THING. It is a poor, uneducated, lazy form of parenting. This is what spanking and hitting a child will do:
It leads to fear and avoidance. It gives children confusing messages and makes them think that using violence to solve problems is okay. It can introduce problems later on as they grow up for example bullying others, agressive behavior, criminal behaviors, stealing and domestic violence. Parents will spank out of their own anger and frustration because it makes them feel better. I believe it also makes the child become sneaky. It doesn't stop the unwanted behavior long term and children will do anything to avoid being hit. They aren't given a chance to learn from their mistakes, learn how to solve problems, use good judgement, control emotions, or feel confident and secure. Important factors needed as adults in life. You basically change who they are when you hit them. It is hard to justify the admonition "Don't hit!" while the parents are spanking the child for hitting. I get so tired of hearing "I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine." It is just a wimpy, uneducated, destructive way of parenting. Some people might believe that back in the old days, children were much better behaved because they were spanked and now kids are out of control these days because parents don't spank and let their kids run the show. Well, most kids who were spanked back then are the parents you see nowadays that have completely turned the opposite and show qualities of passive parenting. SPANKING ISN'T THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE. My children are never spanked and are happy, confident well behaved kids. I just educated myself on effective ways of discipline and it has payed off. They are not holy terrors. I have worked in 5 daycares and the children that were aggressive used hitting to get their way. They mostly appeared negative and unhappy. And that whole "Spare the rod." is mislead and interpreted the wrong way. It is wrong to use pain to teach children. I am definitely doing a better job at raising my children. My dad used a belt on my sister and she is angry about it to this day. If you want an experts advice, check below.

Answer 7

When my children were young I made a decision to not do a lot of the things that my parents did because I didn't agree with their technique. I did spank them a little, but not like my parents did me. Well I'm here to tell you that as a parent of a 19 and 15 year old I wish I had used that discipline a little more. Sometimes you don't know why things are a certain way until you do it differently and see different results. My children are not bad but they lack the fear of boundaries that only discipline can instill. That type of attitude can go either way, they can grow to be pioneers or they can wind up in jail. I don't know, I just know that they are very different from my generation and they're not as self sufficient as my peers were at their age.

Answer 8

I was raised with parents that spank. I was never abused, and I came out just fine. I do believe in spanking and I do spank my three children. (well, not my little one yet, she's only 7 months) But anyway, I think this whole topic goes in a circle...for instance:

People spank their kids in public, no problem. Not until recently did people start complaining about seeing parents disciplining their children in public, even if it was a little swat. Why? Because there are so many freakin' child abusers out there. You hear it on the news just about EVERY DAY. Children being abused by their own father or mother, their sister, brother, uncle, whatever. Because of that, we have people not liking other parents spanking or disciplining in public b/c they automatically think - Child abuser - which is not the case.
Now, since people are so 'on edge' about that, people got stupid and started believing somewhere down the road that spanking was wrong, it's abuse. It's not wrong, and if you do it right, it's not abuse, it says so in the Bible, hello?? But since everyone has gotten burned with child abusers, people feel the need to come up with other disciplining actions besides spanking. Then comes all the kids that were just 'time-out' kids instead of spanking kids. Sure, some came out just fine, like the 'spankers'. But most are spoiled rotten and think that if their parent even touches them that they have the right to call CPS and report 'abuse' so it goes again, people can't (1) discipline in public without someone reporting you, and (2) even your own kid might report you.
I say keep the Bible advice handy, b/c God sure knows what he's doing.
Things are getting out of hand when it comes to this topic. I think it all boils down to the strangers, parents, babysitters and family members who abuse our beautiful little angels of God. All because they want to destroy their innocence, their trust, all the things that make them children, gone b/c some perv wants to take advantage of them for their own sinful, selfish reasons.
It makes me sick! There's a lot more I could say but I don't have time.

Answer 9

both. when they're younger spanking is probably more efficient because most children can relate to automatic cause/effect spanking and they r less likely to do it again or at least think about doing it again. if they r older, well then u just have to take away freedom or incentives, but mostly just talk & trust ur kids. my parents spanked, til this day i won't curse, smoke or raise my voice around either. but many parents have lost morals, respect & foundation throughout the yrs & the ones who pay r the children. ppl back then were at least spending more time w/their kids than the average family does today & a lot less gameboys too. i choose to raise my child w/ both ways of discipline & hope that i've instilled enough sense into her that she'll make the right decisions. after all, our children r a reflection of ourselves. just my opinion-to each his own.

Answer 10

Sometimes I spank my daughter and other times I spank her and put her in time out. It depends on what she got in trouble for. However, when I'm watching other people's kids then I just put them in time out because it's generally not my place to spank them.

I think the whole no spanking thing is a bad idea. I don't think they learn exactly how bad they're being if they are simply put in time out all the time. It's also my opinion that a lot of parents who don't spank tend to coddle their kids and do so for far too many years. How is that supposed to help prepare them for being without their parents around?

I'm the youngest of four. My parents used to hit us with the belt or the paddle or something of the sort. I think we all turned out just fine. I'm sure there are some parents out there who take the whole spanking thing too far, but I don't think it should be disregarded as an option.

As for who's doing a better job, I think I'm doing just as good of a job as my parents. However, I think time out helps them to learn a little better what you expect of them. That is, if you actually take the time to talk to them and explain why they are there.