my 5month old son wants nothing to do with his father,he cries when he holds him and he reaches out to me....he has been only coming around when he feels like it and he feels its my fault and its not
2006-07-11 07:45:32 · 22 answers · asked by heidi 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
YOUR EX NEEDS TO STEP UP THAT BABY IS GOING TO GROW UP THINKING MY DADDY DIDN'T LOVE ME YOU NEED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT JUST BECAUSE HE BONDED FAST WITH HIS OTHER KIDS DOESN'T MEAN THAT THIS ONE WILL BE THE SAME HE NEEDS TO SPEND TIME WITH LITTLE MAN AND THEN THE BABY WILL GET USED TO HIM AND HE WON'T BE SO CRABBY AROUND HIM. AND IN A WAY IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU NEEDED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN MONTHS AGO SEE AS WOMEN WE LET THESE DEAD BEAT DADS GET AWAY WITH THIS WE NEED IT TO END MY SONS DAD DOESN'T;T SPEND ANY TIME WITH MY SHORTY AND I'M SICK OF IT IF HE DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY THEN THE HELL WITH HIM TAKE HIM TO COURT AND HAVE THE JUDGE SET UP THE VISITATION TIMES AND IF HES LATE TOO BAD FOR HIM
2006-07-11 14:26:52 · answer #1 · answered by mickeymom2boyz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the baby thinks of the father as a stranger. Babies can be very uncomfortable when around "strangers". A baby needs to see and interact with his/her parents on a regular basis to develop the bonds that will overcome the fear associated with strangers. Since you mention that there is a lack of consistency on the part of the father, the child has not made that bond and has an initial fear of him. Bottom line is that the father needs to be around more often, for long periods of time. Another thing that may work is if you show closeness with the father in front of the baby. The baby may see that you are comfortable with the father so he might take that as a signal that he is OK. Maybe try holding the baby together.
2006-07-11 14:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by The Krieg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To your son, his father is a stranger. Of course he would rather be with you. If the father wants a better relationship with his son, maybe he could come over every day to see him. I wouldn't leave the baby alone with him, though. A guy who spends so little time with his son probably doesn't have much patience when he cries. I would be worried about him shaking the baby when he gets frustrated with the crying.
2006-07-11 23:40:16 · answer #3 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was deployed when my son was born and he was 5 months old when my husband returned.....he HATED his father right away! It was very sad and my husband was crushed. My husband insisted that he couldn't become a trusted parent as long as I was around, so he took two weeks off from work and pulled our son out of daycare (we were dual military). Sure, I came home everynight the first week to a trashed house, backwards diapers and gallons of spilled breast milk, but my baby was fine (though my husband was very frazzled!) and at the end, my baby was crying for Daddy (Sniff, sniff:( )
I know your situation is different with the Dad not really in the picture and it seems a little hostile so you have to ask yourself what you want. If you want you baby to have a relationship with him you have to encourage it. Ask him to baby sit (even at your house if you feel more comfortable with that) while you shop for a couple of hours. Giving them time alone will foster a better realtionship. Daddy probably can't relax with you standing over him and baby feels that. Once you (and dad) feel comfortable, try leaving for a little longer, watch a movie or have a lunch date with girlfriends.
2006-07-11 15:06:26 · answer #4 · answered by Amy B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our 5 month old son is kinda the same way. He rather be with his mommy. I don't think it's that your son doesn't like his daddy it's just that he has bonded more with his mom. Heck, they spend 9 months inside then 6 to 8 weeks at home with us. They are bound to bond more. It's sad but that just the way it goes. Our son will be in dad's arms for awhile before he gets whiny. Maybe you need to have him watch him for an hour or so without you around. Do that a few times so he gets use to dad being around. Or put your son on dad's bare chest. We've been told that is good bonding. It makes them feel safe. Good luck.
2006-07-11 14:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the father only comes around occasionally then the child hasn't bonded with the father, it's not your fault it's the fathers... now it will take more time and patience from the FATHER to get the child to bond to him. he must dedicate time regularly, not just hit and miss when he feels like it... it's not a pet or an object that will do what ever the father wants when he feels like it... it's a little person when their own feelings, preferences, and ideas of what they want and don't want. this little person is not a hobby... it's his child.
2006-07-11 14:53:12 · answer #6 · answered by Patti B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason the baby wants nothing to do with him is that he doesn't know his daddy. Don't force your son to take up with his father, if he reaches for you, take him back. That will give him the security he needs. Daddy needs to make himself more available to the baby, and then maybe junior will come around! Sound like to me Dad must be fairly young. If you can, ask grandma to speak to her son, maybe she could explain the baby's distaste for him. Good luck!
2006-07-11 14:56:21 · answer #7 · answered by Legs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father is going to have to put more time into the relationship with your baby, if he ever wants to have a relationship at all. Babies are smarter than we give them credit for, and realize who is ALWAYS there for them. Your son is much more attached to you because you are the one who takes care of him, feeds him, bathes him, plays with him... There is nothing you can do, except encourage the father to start coming around more and spend more time with his son.
2006-07-11 14:53:09 · answer #8 · answered by m j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your baby doesn't know his father well enough to be comfortable..yet. He probably needs to come around more often that way the baby starts to recognize him and trust him. But when he visits, you shouldn't interfere with their bonding time by making over a fuss that your baby is crying because that will only nurture your baby to not trust the dad. But the father should come around more often.
2006-07-11 14:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by Sydney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the father needs to spend more time with his child, he can not " just " come and go as he wishes, this confuses the child as to who he is, where the comfort will come and to feel safe. sounds like this man only wants a part time child, unless there are other issues you and the father have to work out. my wife would leave the house for two or three hours to let me and our daughter bond. it is that bond the child is looking for..tell him to keep coming around and quit feeling like he is left out, before he is left out
2006-07-11 15:34:21 · answer #10 · answered by phishsports 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋