Am I being too harsh on a cheat?

Question

My ex cheated on me twice. The first time it was with someone who hated me and probably wanted to hurt me, but that didn't stop him. He then cheated again in less than a week. He confessed to it after a while because he said that he loves me. I personally think he was overcompensating for guilt. Why did he tell me when it would only hurt? I broke it off, I couldn't believe him, and what hurts more is that he just let me go after everything he said. We still talk every once in a while which just makes it harder for me.

Tell me I did the right thing...

Sorry, I should be asking: 'Am I being too harsh on a cheat... even if he confessed?

Answer 1

I think you did the right thing...forgiving him for the first cheat well yes ok...everyone makes mistakes...but cheating twice in one week..!! He did it because he thought he could get away with it...

If you had stayed with him you would have allowed yourself to become a victim and he would continue to cheat because he would be getting away with it....Sometimes people think that if they say the words I love you ..it makes everything better and gives them a licence to carry on hurting the one they are supposed to love...You are worth more, value yourself and your decision and find some one who treats you with respect .

Answer 2

You can never be too harsh on a cheat, forget about him, you'll always do better and nobody deserves to be second best. This may sound odd for a bloke to say but some of us still have morals! I've been on both ends so believe me when i say i speak from experience, I'm not proud of it but i learnt my lesson by seeing the effect it had, and have had the favour returned several times since. Although the thought wouldn't even cross my mind now and hasn't for a long time,if i ever did, I'd expect to be treated like the idiot that i am. So in answer to your question, although it feels bad now you... without a doubt... definitely did do the right thing!

Answer 3

I think if he hurt you that much you have the right to treat him bad too,
If it was me I would have treated him even worse than you
My boyfriend cheated on me when we where having time apart then he begged me to come back the day after having sex with the b***h.
If that killed me inside I can't imagine how you must feel.

I was with him for a year after that and the relationship just died, It was poison to me and in turn poison to him too.

We are ended now, I could never be his friend after everything that has happened (not just his cheating) and I will never look back cos I trust my feelings.

If it hurts as much as I think it dose you should erase him from your life all together but being friends is OK if you think you can and not hold it against him or try to get him back.

Remember to trust your feeling of what is right for you in your life.
If pain is what you feel even just as friends it can't be right can it?

Good luck babe, you will be OK ;)

Answer 4

Its normal to feel guilty because you're going through the process of letting go and moving on. But he cheated on you and nothing is more harsh than that. Just know that what you're feeling is made from how you felt about him before it ended. You did the right thing because you deserve - and will get from someone else - a lot more happiness and respect

Answer 5

what a joke, if he loves you he would not have cheated the first time but to do it twice, it proves only one thing he is not in love with you he only thinks he loves you.
so dump him and find someone better.
proves he did not truly love you if he just let you go without a fight.
you are better off without him.
just move on.
to tell you he cheated in the first place means he knew the risk of losing you but he took it. he may have told you he cheated just as a way to end the relationship.
as foir still talking to him he deserves not a single second of your time. so cut him out 100% from your life.
good luck in finding a better guy. the cheater sounds like an idiot to me.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about it, i think you did the best thing, i know its hard to talk to EX's and even harder thinking about it. it may seem like overkill but cut him out of your life, things like this can eat away at you for a long time, find a point were you will not cross, like going for a drink with him, ok yeah talking every now and again might be ok, but tell your self thats it, just remeber, he made the choice to cheat on you so now you make the choice....

Answer 7

Don't beat yourself up about something someone else did. At the end of the day he had a choice - cheat on you or not. He chose to cheat TWICE. Thats not guilt, thats someone who is doing what they want regardless of the hurt it was going to cause you. You definitely did the right thing so please stop doubting your decision. You deserve someone who will value a relationship with you, not someone with such disregard for your feelings.

Answer 8

There is no such thing as being 'too hard' on a cheater. Drop the bum like a hot potato. Keeping talking to him, only keeps the wounds open. Let it go. Go find someone who will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve.

Answer 9

You definitely did the right thing. I think that for some people it is easy to forgive cheaters but if you can't trust him, there is really no basis for a relationship. If he is really sorry and you are meant to be with him, it will work out that way in the future but for now you are free to heal from the pain he caused you...and also free to look for someone who you can trust.

Answer 10

You did do the right think and you know you did. Stop all contact with him as it is only hurting you and move on. You are worth more than this. Take care x