Should I quit the job I LOVE for a better paying one so my wife can stay home with the baby -- OR, is it OK fo

Question

Or is it OK for me to keep my job and she can get a job too (she put in notice at her current company as she prepared for maternity leave b/c I thought I would get a promotion but it did not happen....)

I love my line of work (sports) and love the company I work for, but do need to make more money now that we have a baby and can probably get a job paying at least $1000 more per month...

If she gets a job that would be enough for daycare and to make up the difference from the promotion I was going to get... she said maybe she can work at night or from home? ADVICE?? I need to act fast - the baby is due in 6 weeks!

Answer 1

My daughter is about to turn one on the the 23rd, and my husband lets me stay at home with her and our 6 year old. My husband works and barley makes ends meet, but he would do it all over again, for me to stay at home with the kids.

Question for you: Would you rather your wife be there to share the little moments (first word, first smile, etc.)with your baby or a total stranger?

I was going to go back to work, but why? If I was only going back to work to pay for child care, whats the point. Theres extra cost for gas taking the child to and from daycare, extra food to take to the daycare, and if she is going to breastfeed (I did and it is a lot of work) a whole new set of problems. So that extra money to make up the difference for the promotion is now also spent on childcare.

If you love your wife and she really wants to stay home with your new baby, you should let her. I know you love your job, but who do you love more, the job or your baby?

Answer 2

If you judge your self worth on the money you bring in then you have to fix that feeling on your own. There is nothing anyone can do to make you feel more valuable and from what it sounds like, your husband does not belittle you so I am not sure why you should feel this way. Getting an education is going to help your family in the long run and having a baby is the most important thing humans can do. I guess I just don't see how you could feel that you aren't of "equal value". As a parent and an educator I want you to ignore the person above that advocates daycare at a year or two. Studies show that children with one stay at home parent until entering school (1st grade) perform better than their peers that were in daycare and this advantage lasts throughout their schooling. Kids need their parents- I have raised my son alone for 7 yrs and have sacrificed good paying jobs to make sure I am here for him.

Answer 3

What do you love more? Your job or your family? Would you rather have your child raised by it's mother or by a stranger? I'm asking you these questions because that's what it comes down to. If your wife gets a job and has to put the baby in daycare, your baby is basically being raised by strangers. Is that worth the extra money? If your wife works nights and you work days that is going to be very hard on your marriage. Some families don't have a choice on whether a parent stays home or not. It sounds like you do.

Answer 4

This is a tough question indeed. There's the question of sacrifice vs. self-fulfillment, freedom vs. obligation.

I hate the idea of you turning yourself into a drone so that your wife can stay home with the baby. Maybe you could temporarily take a higher-paying job...but "temporary" has a way sometimes of turning itself into "permanent". Ouch!

Also, you've had the disappointment of expecting a promotion and not getting one. It's not wise to make rash decisions when you're wounded like this. It's possible that another promotion or a higher-paying job in your field, doing what you love, may come down the pike.

What if you CUT BACK?! Say, if you have cable TV, give it up. If you have an SUV, sell it and by a gas-saving sedan, if one exists. Also, your wife might get some good gifts at her baby shower (presuming someone will throw her one), and that will save you all some money! You might also buy generic brands of food and cheaper cuts of meat. You might give up a vacation trip or some hobby expenses. Are you currently scraping for your survival, or do you have some unnecessary luxuries that you can do without, at least for a while? Also, if you qualify, there are food stamps, and other things to assist you if you're really needy.

You and your wife might do some serious research into what kind of money she can make from home. Might she start a computer-based business or service, or tutor or sell from home? Might she, a few months from now, arrange for babysitting from a relative or neighbor?

I like the idea of a new mother staying at home with her baby for as long as she likes, or as long as is feasible. However, if you choose to make the sacrifice of giving up a job you love in order to make more money, you run the risk of killing, or damaging, your true self if you take the wrong kind of job. Would you then be any good, for real, for your wife and baby, living like the "living dead"? Do you remember the "Willoughby" episode of The Twilight Zone?

You cannot serve both God and Money. Pray about this, you and your wife, and arrive at a solution that satifies your true selves, your family's well-being, and your bank account.

Answer 5

Simple. What do you love more? Your job? Or your baby?

There are so many parents that would love, just love to have the option to have one parent stay home with small children. You're also assuming you won't like any other job option out there. I bet there is a job out there for you that will pay you more, and that you will love. Not to mention, that talk you have with your boss saying you don't want to go, but you have financial obligations to your family might encourage the boss to give you that raise you need so you can stay.

Also, there are lots of hidden costs to the second parent working. It wouldn't just be daycare. What will be the transportation costs? If she were at home would you still need a car payment? Work clothes? Lunches away from home? How much will she be working, just to pay to be able to work?

If all else fails, maybe you want to have the talk about her working part-time from home.

Answer 6

The decision should probably be based on more than the financial aspects. If you have job security, it may help to get a part-time job to make extra money. There is no guarantee the new job will be as good an environment or will work out. Plus, you could be right back in the same position of thinking you will get a promotion and it doesn't come through. I would encourage you to research the current problems happening in daycare and with sitters. Also, consider the relationship your wife will have with your baby and the long-term goals for parenting. Congratulations to you and good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 7

If you have an offer for a good job that's going to allow your wife to stay home.... go for it!!!
There is nothing better you can do for your family than having mom at home with your baby.
If your wife worked, you would have to pay for daycare.. and after you add it all up... bills, rent/mortgage, daycare, gas to and from work, work clothes, etc... you will just about break even... then you are both working, and paying someone to raise your child.
It's so worth it for both mom and baby's benefits for her to be home. Emotionally, I think kids are better with at home moms... they don't feel abandoned
I stay home, and with me not working, we've had to make some financial cut backs, but there is nothing in this world I would trade for the moments I have been able to spend with my daughter...
Just think.. you pick up your baby from daycare, and the sitter tells you he took his first step today... you missed it because you chose career over your first child's milestones... not a fair trade if you ask me.... it actually kind of disgusts me when moms can't decide between career and child... it's no question! Let her stay home... they will both thank you for it
Good going, Dad...and congrats on your new baby!!
Being a mom is the best and most important job in life.. just 'cause we don't get paychecks and don't get benefits or vacation.. it definately offers the biggest rewards.

Answer 8

Let your wife stay home with the baby for a while... In the long run, a few years spent at a job that you don't love as much won't kill you. It's also going to be good for the sake of your family. I promise your wife will grow tired of being at home after a few years, and then she can go out and work too... and think of the money you'll have then.

Answer 9

When you talked about having kids, what was that discussion. Did you discuss that she would stay at home? If so, you should honor that. If she said that she would continue to work, she should honor that.

Daycare is expensive, and leaving an infant for 8-10 hours a day is not easy. She is going to miss out on a lot, breastfeeding, first smile, crawling, talking, ect.

Are you prepared to help her 50-50 with the baby. Wake up in the middle of the night every other day, Bathing, feeding, etc? That is a lot to ask of her if you dont plan on helping.

You shouldnt have to give up a job you love, but there could be a compromise. Is there a job she can get that she works afternoons or nights so that the baby isnt in daycare? Are there cutbacks you could make. Eating out less, wash your own car, Refinance car loan to lower interest rate, pay off credit cards, bring lunch to work, etc.

Find out what she wants, tell her what you want and find a way to do both. If she wants to stay at home, ask her what she is willing to give up in order to do that. If you want her to work, tell her what you are willing to do around the house to make it easier on her.

Most importantly- honor what you say. Dont make promises that you never intend to fulfull. In the end, you have to decide if you want your baby raised with your values, or someone else's.

Answer 10

You should not be the only one to suffer because things need to change since you're having a baby. I say keep your job and tell your wife to go get one! It is nearly impossible to find a job you like, much less love. Don't give it up because your wife wants to stay home with the baby. In this day and age, it's just not practical.