I'm trying to be a good person, but my family is making it hard for me to do that. What should I do?

Question

I talk back without thinking, I raise my voice at my parents and I'm totaly disrespectful to my elders. But I didn't start out that way, I was a sweet young lady, though I did have some issue's that I kept inside I guess I couldn't hold it in any more.

Answer 1

Because it's natural to bad because it gives you instant gratification. Being "good" by what most people think means denying yourself for others. Well forget those people sister. This life is all about you!

Answer 2

honestly i have the same problem inly the older version i guess, mine isn't with my parents as i have moved out quite a while ago, mine is in my relationship and my saving grace has been a diary/ journal. Sometimes the poeple u love also are hte poeple who get under ur skin the most, just cuz ur around them so much, next time ur parents make u mad grit ur teeth and go to room and write everything u want to say in ur diary, keep it somewhere where no one can read it so it doesn't cause hurt feelings later, and when ur not mad talk to ur parents about it, tell them that ur trying ro improve but u need there help, and maybe even the space to use ur journal when u need too, just don't use it as an excuse to get out of doing things or they might not be so understanding about it. Also in a few months go back and read it and reflect on the situation and how u reacted, if u blew up over nothing, or if u didn't comunicate better and maybe u can find some clues on how to handle things better. And regardless if the journal idea works make sure u talk to them and maybe thay can help u too if they know u want to work on it

Answer 3

Well it sounds like you are starting to mature. You have taken the first step to recognize that your behavior is inappropriate. You need to keep working on it because there are always going to be people in your life that piss you off and make you want to be obnoxious, but it is not worth it. Yelling, being disrespect full, talking back is really all just a waste of time. Now if I were you I would work on biting my tongue and choosing my battles. Think about whether an argument is truly worth wasting your time on. If you are having a hard time biting your tongue just excuse yourself from the situation get a note pad and start writing till you can't right anymore. Then when you are done go back and read what you wrote. I bet you will shock yourself 90% of the time. You will read what you wrote and think how dumb am I. Remember when you are trying to change one usually takes one step forward and two steps back so don't give up. If you master these skills you will get really far in life. People are willing to do more for nice well mannered women than mean obnoxious ones. I know I used to be one of them, but now I can make anyone putty in my hand. Good luck.

Answer 4

you didn't give us an age range but if you are holding a lot of anger, pains go talk to an adult you can really trust. A family member, counselor from school or a teacher if you are still in school. Talk to them to unload some of that weight. How close are you to your mom? Sometime, you will just have to have a talk with her telling her how you feel. Tell her that you want the two of you to go somewhere and talk. But yes, if you are holding a lot inside and most of them has to do with your parent then it will continue. Talk to someone to unload and then ask how you should handle each situations. If you have a best friend you can really (really) trust then talk to your friend or even their parent.
Good Luck, you will need it. It is less stressful when you can unload and be able to think better.

Answer 5

Film yourself. Get a little recorder and record yourself. Or have a friend or family member do it for you for a day or so. Also, film when you're with family, and film when you're with friends.

Make sure you get good footage, not boring stuff of you knowing you're being filmed.

Get heated moments during an arguement or debate, get footage of you when you are genuine-
when you almost forget you're being filmed, or don't care because of what's going on at that moment.

Then, play it back when you are alone.

It's amazing when we see ourselves on video, almost as if it wasn't us, but some one else.
We then can see how we are,
and how we act,
what we look like,
and we can see what kind of person we are.

Pretend as you watch that that isn't you, but someone else. Then make judgements on that person. Are they cool? Immature? Sincere? Fake? Wrong, right?

I used to cuss ALL the time. Then I was on video for a requirement in one of my classes at community college several years ago, and when I saw myself on that tape, there were things I did, and way I behaved that I didn't pay much attention to before, but watching myself made me see myself the way some one else would. It helped big time.
I looked stupid saying the foul words I was using, especially on a girl/woman, just looks raunchy. Heck, (hee hee) I thought I looked cool! Sounded cool!

But to finish this, and most importantly, raising your voice, and cussing at your family won't help. I understand you're frustrated from holding things in, so find a way to express this frustration. A friend, writing, (writing helps a lot it does!) even yahooanswers, but don't do something negative, you only hurt yourself in the end.

You should hold your head up high and be proud of the fact that you're trying to be good. You go girl!

Lastly, you will only ever have ONE mother, and ONE father.
And if they are good to you than, please, please
don't raise your voice,

THINK before you say something.
I mean, actually think for 5 seconds (yes, count them slowly) while you consider what you're going to say.

And as for disrespecting elders, or any one, I want you to see that when you show disrespect, you also show it to yourself.

And you're better than that aren't you?

Answer 6

Being defensive does not mean you are a "bad" person. Sometimes our families can push us past the brink of all rational thought. The path of least resistance is to try to ignore them until you can move out. Some families make this practically impossible. Can you get a part-time job or pick up a hobby or volunteer so you can minimize contact somewhat? That might help you keep your sanity until you can come up with a long-term solution.

A good book is "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Ahh teenangst. Believe it or not this is a defining moment for you and this will have an impact on the rest of your life. Sorry don't mean to freak you out but it is true. You will have to become more aware of your actions and motivations. You will have to evaluate yourself and you actions to make sure you are not over reacting. This will be hard at first but becomes easy as you practice. Through this you will gain control and discipline over yourself. You will fail several times do not become discouraged simply apologize and try again and eventually you will notice your outbursts becoming less and less. Also you can not hold things in. You must learn to experss yourself in an intelligent and thoughtful manner in order to be understood and to reach the resolution you desire. To hold everything in is a recipee for disaster.
If this seems to hard you can always tell them to go to Hell but afterwhile they will tell you to go to Hell and you will be alone. Remember somethings can not be unsaid and sorry only counts if you actually try to not let the offence happen again.

Answer 8

Look "RedHot" I completely understand what you're going through. I went through the same situation and am currently going through it right now. I was a very shy, nice girl, who was afraid of getting introuble. I kept alot of things inside too. My mom is a very stricked lady...she sometimes has a very bad temper and wants things her way all the time. She controlled me alot, but after I went through a really bad depression, and I let everything out of what I kept inside. I changed alot. I don't keep things inside anymore, I don't let my control me. I'm 20 and she's constantly looking for something to fight with me, and I too talk back and get mad easily at her now. In one way it's good that I don't let keep things to myself anymore and not afraid of saying what I think and want, but in another way I do feel that I get carried away too. Since you're always being attacked, your already on the defense, even before they say anything, and I know that it's because one gets tire of putting up them...but the reality is that we have to control ourself and not let ourselfs change too much. For instance, I'll say what I think or want but I try to remain calm, or sometimes just let it go to avoid a fight.What I do with my mom is sometimes I don't anything to her, I just let her talk, and just don't let her comments affect me, because it's my life and my decisions to make. But you must accept when you're wrong, and know when is it that you really do need to pay attention to your elders..who could give you good advice or opinion. So try to control youself and don't let people get to you....but at the same speak out what you believe and think...without being aggresive or acting inapropriate.

Answer 9

if your under 18 and living at home you need to hold your tounge, as for the issues you held inside dont use them as an excuse to change we all have had things happen, but if you let them change you, you are the victum of those issues again and again either approach the issues head on and leave them behind or let them be the maker of your destiny its your choice

Answer 10

im the same way, i use to not yell or argue and i just keep everything i was feeling bottled up, and thats not good, and now all it seems like i do is argue, it sucks yeah, i hate it, and i feel so bad afterwards, but you have to tell people what you think, dont be mean, just open up the bottle and let some of your feelings slip, it will take a ton off of your shoulders belive me, and sometimes its good to argue, not the screamming. yelling, and slamming doors kinda arguesing, but confronting people and telling them what u feel and sometimes you just mistake things, and when they explain what they mean then you feel better to....