is in the hosptial and something to do with his heart. My son IM'd me at work to tell me. Now, he and I haven't spoken in 2 1/2 years and I LIKE IT THAT WAY. He's mean, arrogant, hurtful. My husband, his brother, even knows it but he will be upset when he finds out he's in the hospital. The family is going to think I'm horrible that I'm not all "loving" about this. He wasn't there when I had breast cancer - nor did he care. We have a mutual dislike toward each other -- been like this for years. He hurts people and is your typical "know it all." Here I go again, look like the bad apple in the eyes of the in-laws. Should I be real - the way I really feel or fake it for them? He's hurt me ON PURPOSE numerous occasions - even tried to get my husband to leave me (after 24 years of marriage).
2006-07-11 06:05:29 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've forgiven him so many times over the years (w/o apologies) and then kicked myself in the A** for doing so -- that is HOW MEAN HE IS.
2006-07-11 06:26:54 · update #1
I would let him go through it alone if he was really that bad. Some times just because some one is considered family to me doesn'y mean that they are worthy of it. Those who love you are the ones that deserve you time.
2006-07-11 06:11:28 · answer #1 · answered by David H 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think firefly is right. Just because he has been an *** to you doesn't mean that you should treat him badly. Stick with the golden rule and take comfort in the fact that you are the better person. You might kick yourself later if you aren't kind. People can lose those qualities of arrogance when they are most vulnerable. Try to be there for the family and if nothing else just be the silent strong one (not a typical role for some women I know).
2006-07-11 13:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by L. M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For 11 yrs I have had to deal with in-laws. The whole thing it to show you are better than him. Just because you pretty much hate each other and he wasn't there for you in your time of need doesn't mean that you have to do the same. Because somewhere in his little head it will get to him knowing that you put differences aside and you will end up looking like the better person. Plus don't you want to be there for your husband. You will be by his side and help him with the feelings he is having.
2006-07-11 13:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by nippy_22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby,I'm gonna give you some good advice.Let all the hate,feelings GO!They are eating you up inside.Go to the hospital and see him. God will see that your a VERY GOOD person.I know this sound's Corny.but when it's your time to go...You will be welcomed with open arm's!Please listen to me,this hate is hurting you,not him.Turn it all over to "The BIG DUD" upstairs.Life is sweet,but Love will get you the MOST!!! I've been in your shoes before.
2006-07-11 13:16:29 · answer #4 · answered by Wishee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be fake about how you feel about him, but you can be sympathetic towards his family members who are upset and be there for THEM if you want to be. It doesn't have to be about him at all. Ask THEM if they need anything, can you help them in any way etc. You could bring food for them to eat at the hospital, run errands for someone if they don't want to leave the hospital etc, and you don't even have to spend a lot of time there. Hope that helps.
2006-07-11 13:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try forgetting the past and just go see him in the hospital, consider just humanity. Even after casusing u so much harm maybe after seeing u there he'd change.
he is a patient now and u are a human, u dont go then ur kids might also maintain distance with the entire family.
2006-07-11 13:15:04 · answer #6 · answered by Tanu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get more flies with honey than pee! :) I know that is not how the saying goes but I like it. I know people hate it when the other person is nice example you cut someone off while driving..not on purpose of course. they give you the finger...don't do it back...just wave! they hate that! Show compassion for your own Karma....you will be commended in the end. best of luck to you and your family!
2006-07-11 13:11:26 · answer #7 · answered by mermaideelou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This depends on the road you want to take. But I think you need to be the bigger/better person. A quick visit is all that is required. A simple "I'm sorry that this has happened to you I hope you get better." and leave it at that. I'm sure your family knows...and if they don't....tell them...that when the tables were reversed HE couldn't come visit you. He is family...whether friendly or not. If you want to continue to think vindictivly about it...think of it as a visit to see that he has gotten what's coming to him.
2006-07-11 13:12:08 · answer #8 · answered by Rabbit Ritto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand what you are saying. But if your husband chooses to be there then you should grin and bare it. Be there for your husband and family not for the brother in law. You don't have to lie about anything just choose your answers wisely and consideratly.
2006-07-11 13:11:39 · answer #9 · answered by appleblossom1228 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he might of did all of this terrible stuff but life is to short to argue exspecially when a loved one is in the hospital you might not but it is your husbands brother just be their for your husband and his brother even though you don't want to he might need you support and love at this hard time it will show his family that you the grown up one and the bigger person.
2006-07-11 13:15:04 · answer #10 · answered by babygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋