Should I see to my dad after 3 years of no communication?

Question

During his marriage with my mom, my dad had an affair with a woman and had a child with her. He caused my mom and I horrible pain when he left us 5 years ago for the same woman. Two years later, he married that woman. My dad and I had a bitter fight about what he did and I havent seen or heard from him since then. 3 years later, his my aunt calls me saying my dad wants to make amends and is inviting me to his 50th bday. Should I forgive him for what he did just like that?

Any advice on what I should do?

Answer 1

no....but don't forget he is still ur father...u can never let ur dad down...so go

Answer 2

At the time, your dad made a poor judgment. but if he wants to communicate with you, you should give him a chance. Just because he stopped loving you mother doesn't mean he stopped being your father or stopped loving you.
Maybe it is not a good idea to see him at a big party because first of all you both need to spend quality time together. If you go to this party and he can not spend Q time with you, you may become more resentful.
If you can not find time before the party, make sure you realize that even though you are very important to him, it is a party and people will be there to see him. And make plans to meet and talk soon. Communication is very important. Good luck!

Answer 3

You should look inside your self and see what you are truly feeling. If going to see him is going to bring you more pain then do not go. If you are not sure then I would go to see him before the big party. You don't want that to be the first communication you have with him since the big turmoil he caused in your life.

If you decide to see him, then call and meet in a central location without the new wife. Since he left your mom for her and then married her, it won't help for your first meeting for her to be there too. Besides, there are probably a lot of things you would like to get off your chest and a lot of questions you would like to ask.

If you decide not to go, and that is certainly your choice. Then call your aunt back an d say that you are sorry but you will be unable to attend.

Answer 4

I have been down this road. 2 1/2 years I went without talking or seeing my father. Then I became sick with Breast Cancer and decided life is to short to stay that mad for the rest of my life. So I did start talking to him again, and then I started seeing him again, and I never realized how anger I was inside and how unhappy I was. Once We started talking againa lot was amended. I will never forgive him for what he did to my family, but I can forget.
Nobody buy you knows what you should do. Listen to your guy, remember life is short, do what is best for you, not for anyone else.
Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I understand what it's like to not talk to a parent (I was angry with my father and didn't talk to him for almost 5 years because of a similar situation). I know it's hard when your parents divorced and have your dad remarry.

Depending on your feelings about the situation, if you want re-establish a relationship with your dad, you might want to do it before his birthday (because the birthday will be overwhelming otherwise). I met my dad in McDonald's, just the two of us, and talked for hours. I missed not having my dad in my life.

What your dad did was not a reflection on his feelings for you, and you do have a new sibling, you may want to meet and one day be part of your life.

Take it a step at a time, and don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do.

Answer 6

Well the past is the past.... I am sure it is hard... but you do not live in your dads shoes, so you dont know what he experienced. Right or wrong... ask yourself what you are making it mean? what he did ? It didnt have anything to do w/ you...or your mom... He did what he did..because of what him. And now you can do what you want to do because of you. There is no right or wrong answer. Will you regret it if you dont go and something happens to him the week after? People make choices...its life, and its the way we grow..... dont regret your decision. Go w/ open mind..and not w/ attitude of "how could you have"....today is today..and tomorrow is tomorrow.... 5 years ago is gone...

Answer 7

Hes your father i would, Just remember your the child sounds to they should have never put this on your shoulders. But as you get older and start doing thinks for yourself you will start to see this world we live in is not fair either, Be a child not the adult they did this not you. There are things that happen we can't stop Adult or child no ones perfect

Answer 8

You don't have to forgive him right away, but at least go see him. You don't want 3 years to turn into 10 years and then 20 and then 40 and then he dies without ever meeting your kids or something horrible.

Answer 9

Should I forgive him for what he did just like that? No. Not just like that. However, go and try to be friendly and open. Once you have re-established communication with him over a period of time. Give him a chance to explain himself. Having gotten re-aquainted with him & hearing what he has to say. You can then decide whether to forgive him or not.
By the way. Be pleasent to his new wife. HE did this, not her.

Answer 10

Its to bad about what he did to your mom and you. Maybe he should have handled it differently. Maybe "the other woman" really is the one, and your missing out on a whole nether life. You have siblings who would be lost without you. Even if its just for your own peace of mind, forgiveness is very therapeutic.

Answer 11

My dad had affairs but then decided who was more important(his family). maybe your dad sees how important you are. If you forgive him that says i love you and want you in my life. It does not make what happen ok it just shows your love. the way God shows all of us love for our screwups.(my list must be gigantic). If god can forgive murderers you and I can forgive our dads