i'm 19 he's 26...we've been dating for a year now...and i'm still crazy about him...he's a hot brazilian man, ambitious, hard-working, great in bed, caring[but sometimes blunt and insensitive] and i "lost" my virginity to him[if that has anything to do with anything] he says i'm too needy and clingy...and he thinks it's REALLY WEiRD and crazy that i asked for a "LOVE letter" for my birthday...[which was partly a joke anyway]...he said he was really "scared" by that...and he says that i'm jealous...which i most definitely am not [maybe a little] but i tolerate him going out to lunch with his ex-girlfriend from college who he was obsessed with in college and dated for 5yRS! and he still emails her....they've been broken up for 2years now...yeah so i don't know...
he's my first boyfriend.
Help.
2006-07-11 05:30:58 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Most girls feel clingy to their first. You may feel like you love him but I doubt it is love, you shared something special with him that you haven't experienced with anyone else and that can create feelings that is more like lust. I'm not telling you not to trust him but if he is going around with his ex he probably is doing more than having lunch with her. Go with your gut feeling if you think he is being unfaithful, he most likely is. Nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully, find someone that's more sensitive to your feelings because he sounds like he's really insensitive about what your feeling for him. Maybe you should back off a little and see how he reacts.
2006-07-11 05:46:06 · answer #1 · answered by Ray 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Needy and clingy are not good words used to describe you. They indicate that you are acting like a whiny two year old who needs constant reassurance. He's already more mature than you are so behaving like a child isn't something you would want to do to draw him closer to you. The fact that he told you he was scared by your request for a love letter is not a good sign. That's a commitment of sorts in writing and he didn't want to do it. He's still in contact with his supposedly ex-girlfriend which is not another good sign. If you have been dating, (and you didn't say if it was an exclusive relationship - do you think it is, or do you know it is - there's a big difference), for a year and that's the best he has to offer you, it's time to cut him loose. If he wanted more with you he would have done it by now. Don't invest more time in him when you could be looking for his replacement. Get going and good luck!
2006-07-11 05:41:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, it's natrual to be jealous, but you have to trust him. If you can't trust him, then end it.
Second, if you don't want to be obsessed, do more things on your own, discover who you are. Volunteer, join a gym, take an interesting class just because you'd like to, join some clubs, all of this and more will help you find yourself and feel like a more complete person with your without your boyfriend.
Third, keep in mind that you might not be seeing everything very truthfully because you're just caught up with the idea of a boyfriend. He is your first one. People are very different, and there will be future boyfriends that are better and worse. Try not to be so starry-eyed and look at him for who he is and your relationship for what it is, and if he is truly who you should be with right now in your life.
2006-07-11 05:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by The Quicker Picker Upper 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not saying what you're feeling isn't real, but alot of times a girls first boyfriend is the one she's usually CRAZY about. Especially if you had sex with him for the first time too. But hey, things seem to be fine so just keep on keeping on. To be less clingy you could always keep yourself involved in other hobbies and such or hang out with friends. Just keep doing what you're doing it sounds like things are going good.
2006-07-11 05:35:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you are scared to death of losing him. So, you probably are acting needy/clingy/jealous as a result. You need to trust him and trust in your relationship. If you don't or simply can't then the relationship will never last. He will eventually get sick of it and leave you or cheat. I am surprised to hear he is your first boyfriend because usually women act this way when they have been hurt before or cheated on, etc. Also, maybe he isn't quite as committed to the relationship as you are?
Just try and relax and enjoy your time with him and see where it goes!
2006-07-11 05:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. Show him your not some lost puppy. Your 19. You should be hanging out with friends and having guys hit on you every night. Why be tied down?
Your clinging because you lost you virginity to him and in your mind that's still important to you. Trust me, when you're 26 it will be no big deal.
Leave him, and have a good time without him. When he comes back to you, move on.
He likes having you and his ex. And I'm sure he's banging his ex.
When he realizes he can't have both, he'll pick one of you. But it's you that should be choosing, not him.
Have fun.
2006-07-13 05:24:46 · answer #6 · answered by Tony C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lordy, the beginning of the end... If you want to be less obsessed, hang out with him less, don't give him everything he wants/expects from you... That'll make HIM wonder.... Meet some guys and tell him you are having lunch with them.... Don't let him walk on you.... There are millions of fish in the sea, I guarantee he is not the end all be all...... Age might be a factor, too... Been there, done that...
2006-07-11 05:35:06 · answer #7 · answered by absolutedejavu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's scientifically shown that once human beings fall in love they have low ranges of serotonin in which easily evaluate on the point of the same ranges of people who struggle through from OCD (obsessive compulsive ailment). the total lovestruck feeling fades although by potential of the years and the degrees bypass decrease back to conventional after 2-3 years and that's the reason maximum relationships/marriages fail.
2016-11-06 05:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to get a hobby, join some kind of a group, do something, because your obsession is not natural. I understand that he is your first boyfriend, but you sound clingy, a little jealous and insecure, and this alone could drive him nuts and land you single, and I would hate to see you become a stalker because you couldn't deal with rejection.
2006-07-11 05:38:15 · answer #9 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The more you show guy your obsession the more he becomes stranger to you. There is one big rule for all guys, they always need feel competition about their girl. Never be just his woman. Give him freedom and go out with your girlfriends. Try to get fun without him and you'll see if he is still interested in you he will all around you
2006-07-11 05:35:36 · answer #10 · answered by Veronichka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋