My boyfriend's mom makes comments often that make me feel like she thinks she needs to compete with me for her son, which isn't true. For example, I joked with him and said "Poor baby," and she replied "He was my baby first!" This started one day last weekend, and before that things were fine. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I usually get along with her pretty well. Any advice about how to deal with mothers who don't want to let go of their sons? He's the first born. Thanks :)
2006-07-11 04:42:24 · 9 answers · asked by Tibby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've talked to him about it,and he's glad I did. He totally understands where I'm coming from because he knows his mom makes comments before thinking. I'm definitely not going to split just because of his mom... my mom's not much better!
2006-07-11 09:20:46 · update #1
I can tell you that it may or may not get better depending on the Mom's personality. I have been married for almost 17 years and I have the same issues. You may have to just stand up to her a little and let her know that she doesn't need to feel threatened by you.
She may be just testing you to see how much you really do love her son, whether she realizes it or not. If you usually get along with her pretty good then I would just laugh at her comments and jokingly say something about them or ignore them so that you don't cause any hard feelings.
2006-07-11 04:48:50 · answer #1 · answered by jenihig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it up honey - if she's made up her mind to turn this into a competition it's a no-win situation. You can't complain to him - it's HIS mom. You can't whine about it either - not if you want to hang on to him. The only thing you can do is grin & bear it - or split. If you choose to leave - be sure to tell her - face to face - exactly what she did & why you are going. Tell him too - because she will try to sabotage all of his relationships if he allows her to. I'd suggest taking her to lunch & bringing it up - ask her why the pointedly competetive remarks all of a sudden? Tell her you know she is his mom, but that YOU are his love. "A man shall leave his home when he takes a wife". If she'll have none of it or gives you that fake "what? what do you mean?" crap tell her you are on to her & you won't cut her any slack. Then you can either allow her to continue with the remarks or you can snipe back every time she says something. If you want any further advice, e-mail me.
2006-07-11 05:28:38 · answer #2 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
heheheh Yeah only it was my ex-husband.
He was the WORST momma's boy on the planet! One day his mom came over to our house while we were sleeping (we both worked nights) pounded on our door like she was going to break it down and shoved her way into our apartment as soon as my ex opened the door. I was laying there in bed...naked under the blanket (we had a studio so our bedroom, kitchen etc. was all one room). She proceeded to sit down and start freaking out and going balistic on us for not being responsible and yadda yadda because the ex didn't pay the insurance on his truck.
For the record I paid all the other bills EXCEPT the loan and insurance for HIS truck, HE spent our last $5 on leggo's...but she was blaming me and screaming to high heaven. I finally said "You know what, shut up and get out of my house I don't have to take this" because god knows my wonderful loving husband wasn't going to stick up for me. She wouldn't leave so I made her leave and as I shoved her out the front door she said "c'mon adam" and he actually got up and went with her...giving me this "I'm sorry, I'll be back soon" look. Like I was supposed to UNDERSTAND ?! *vomits* The next morning I was on a plane home and 2 months later we were divorced.
2006-07-11 04:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by lady_muse82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a mommas boy all boys are and dont admit it. Dont compete just make her feel like she is right and if you dont want to deal with it find another bf that the mom is dead the only way to stay away from the mother.
2006-07-11 04:46:24 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i've never had 2 experience that. but i have heard that a lot of moms do that, especially with their first born, because they dont want 2 lose them. i would suggest just ignoring it. however if it gets worse, i would suggest confronting her about it and telling her how it makes u feel that u have 2 compete with her
2006-07-11 04:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by somuchluv4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the same as learning skills to deal with all folks: it takes a lot of books. And for those people who just don't want be sociable, well just get away from them.
2006-07-11 04:47:44 · answer #6 · answered by welcome_to_how_things_will_be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel your pain, but good luck, you will be dealing with her the rest of your life! or hers! just try to love her for giving birth to your wonderful husband, there is no need in making war. try to keep the peace. a relationship between mom/son and husband/wife are two different relationships!
2006-07-11 04:47:11 · answer #7 · answered by toni h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best not to get in the way of a mom and a serious momma's boy. It will only end in tears on your part..
2006-07-11 04:47:31 · answer #8 · answered by movu101779 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit her down and say that its time to let him go. Watch the movie Monster in Law. But anyways its gonna need you to tell her instead of him. Have you told him how you feel. Start there and then work your way to her. Either way if it continues you need to tell her.
2006-07-11 04:51:00 · answer #9 · answered by miss_meg23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋