My 9 year old son is being bullied at school. What can I do to help him?

Question

He's a lovely little boy without a nasty bone in his body - yet other children seem to constantly reject him. His teacher is always very sympathetic, but nothing seems to change - the children in question usually only get a mild telling off - after which they return to the playground to carry on. Has anyone else had this problem, and resolved it?

Answer 1

if your son is being bullied and you have informed the school ,and it is still happening -you have to take it to someone who will put a stop to it.
put everything in writing. a copy to the head teacher, a copy to the governing bodies and a copy to the local area education office. and of course a copy for yourself.
log any phone calls you make. time/date who you spoke to
. call your local area education office and ask to speak to education welfare dept and find out exactly who is the ed. welfare worker for your school and make sure they are aware of exactly what is going on.
finally call parent partnership ...you can get the number from school or local area ed. office... they act as "go-betweens" and can often get through to the schools better than parents can..
dont be afraid to use these resources. its what they are there for.

dont worry about offending anyone..... yoou look out for your boy.....sod the rest of them.

Answer 2

Every school is required to have a policy, available to you to see on how they handle and view bullying. Please ask to see it without delay. The teacher is sympathetic, but the school has a responsibility to stop it. It can be done. A mild telling off is not appropriate and may even exacerbate the problem. Ask about their bullying resolution systems, do they use a 'no blame' system where everyone sees the others point of view. Remember, even those on the sidelines of bullying are responsible for their actions, even those who take no action. Remember too, that your son, as a lovely lad, may not be reporting everything, or being too loud about it. Help him by giving him a little book to write down incidents in, ask him to hand it to his teacher every day, then you ask her to discuss it with you (or the Head if there is no action from the teacher). Ask your son to make sure he is always in the right places at the right time, areas of the playground observed. At the front of the class. This is serious. All bullying is so, and it must be treated as such. I promise you, assertiveness works, you have your say. It is majorly important for your son. You do not have to be overprotective. You simply want the school to fulfil their responsibility to enable your son to learn. Go to the childline website where there are excellent resources, I believe there is even a printable form to keep records. He can 'test' out the site for you. If your son has a low self esteem, and feels like a victim it will not help him, tell him to imagine he is surrounded by a lovely thick cloud, when the others say silly words, they can't get to him before having to go through the cloud, by the time they get through, they mean....nothing. I so wish you all well.

Answer 3

I teach 9 year olds and they can be so mean. You may want to suggest meeting with the other childrens' parents in a conference either with the classroom teacher or the principal. Sometimes when parents are made aware of a situation like that it will stop. But that's only if the parents care. You may also want to have your son meet with the guidance counselor. Maybe if the children are able to work out whatever's wrong in a situation with an adult present, it will stop. Really, though, there's not an easy answer for bullying. Good luck!

Answer 4

I know this sounds drastic, but perhaps another school is in order? He obviously isnt making any friends at this school (or is he?) and all you're doing is 'feeding him to the dogs'.
I know alot about bullying. I've had snide remarks made about me, but I have never had repeated bullying. Though I do know many people who have. One girl who commited suicide. It isn't right to let these children carry on with their behaviour towards your son.
If you arent interested in him moving schools, get him involved with after school activities. If they are organised at school, that may be a good thing, as the children will be able to get to know your son better. Though activites that aren't centered around the school community may also be a good idea.
I cannot give you a direct answer to your problem. Mainly because there isn't one. People react in different ways to different circumstances. Some people find going to teachers helpful. This obviously won't help your case. In some cases, the children may be having their own problems, whether they are being bullied themselves, or they are having problems at home. Some people become friends with their bully. You could also talk to the children's parents. They deserve the right to know what kind of trouble their child is mixed up in. If the family doesn't care, then there is no point in pursuing the matter with them. They won't do anything to change.

Answer 5

Have you spoken to his teacher and the head of the school but if that does not stop the bullying go to the governers/parent teacher assosication (P T A) of the school to make a complaint and keep any letters that you make on the way if doesn't help out with the situation go to the Local Education Authority (L E A) as they have some say over what the school and show them what is going on at that school and action should been taken over the bullies and the school should take a anti bullying stand towards any bullies

Answer 6

Problems:

1. The bullies in questions definitely should get a stricter punishment. The fact that you can honestly say that you fear for your sons health at a education institute is a statement that many people will have no choice but to pay attention to, and I'm sure if you get the department of education/police/whatever you have to do, it will not continue.

2. Kids usually just pick on the weirdest/shyest kid, so whichever your kid is (I know you love him, but there has to be a reason), you are the parent, kids are kids for a reason, to learn, so you need to teach. You need to teach him how to stand up for himself, because I don't care what the situation is, if you don't teach him now, he is going to get bullied all his life. I know 20 year old people who get bullied around to this day. Teach him now, or he will never learn. If he is weird, well............ there is always that weird kid in school that either talks feminine, or walks weird, or always tries to tell jokes or tries to be cool. You need to assess the problem and act accordingly, whatever the situation is. This is part of being a parent.

Answer 7

My son had the same problem, he is 8 and the bully is 10. We got the school involved and had the boys separated on the bus. The school did good keeping them away from each other during the day but the other boy lives down the street from us and would harass my son before and after he got on the bus. My husband called the other parents and we haven't had any problems since. I'm sure it will restart when school starts back next month though.
My son also took Tae Kwon Do buts knows not to fight outside of class, made him feel better knowing he COULD do something to protect himself.

Answer 8

Forget the teacher, go straight to the head. Suggest the local paper might be interested in a story about young children being bullied in his school as there doesnt seem to be much discipline or control there. Talk to other parents and find out if their kids suffer the same, most suffer in silence hoping it will go away. Good luck.

Answer 9

My 9 year old boy suffered a similar problem, I have always taught him that if any one does anything to him not to retaliate but to tell the teachers and let them sort it out, which he did do, I also told him just to ignore the child/ren involved and to play with the children he liked to play with and got on with, so what I did then I went to tell the Head of Primary everytime an incident happened and I made a diary of everything that happened the day the time the teachers that the incidents were reported to, I carried on doing this until they realised I had a valid point, it was always the same boy that picked on my son, and I insisted on going in to tell the Head with everything that happened untill they got sick of it, fortunately they started to beleive me and started to check on everything I said and watch the situation, they soon realised they had a problem, I also told the school that if nothing got sorted I would go to the Education Authorities and show them every incident that had happened and that I had reported to school and show them the Diary I had made, beleive me it all got sorted, the strange thing was that this boys father was to be promoted to the Head of the School and he didnt seem to have the power to sort his own son out, good eh? anyway It has all been sorted out now, but beleive me it wont be sorted over night, it took me the best of the whole accademic school year to get it all sorted, I wish you well in sorting it out and I hope your little boy will feel safe and happy to go to school in the future, we all have to stick together when it comes to bullies, they all seem to be getting much younger these days, Its hard to swollow sometimes, I cant beleive that 9 year olds even know how to bully to be honest, but they certainly do, what is this world coming to, hence the reason I moved away from England to Spain. Good Luck Hun, my heart goes out to you and your little Boy.

Answer 10

Reassure him that it is not his fault. Speak to the head teacher and if that fails write to the chair of governors. If that doesn't get results consider a change of school, unfair I know but better than being bullied. Also maybe ask for a referral to CAHMS (child and adolescent mental health service) they will be able to help your son to be assertive and not react in a way that gives the bullies the satisfaction they want.
Poor kid I hope it stops

Answer 11

A nasty situation - I was bullied - my children started to be bullied. Fortunately I found the answer. Bullies are created by their victims! Radical and not nice to hear, but bullies work on the weakest in the pack. My daughter when 10 was bullied by another girl - My advice was - never start a fight, but ensure you finish it! I taught her to punch in the solar plexus - 'winding' the bully. Next episode of bullying - one winded bully - no more bulling! My son at 8 experienced the same - same remedy - same outcome. This is not agression, this is DEFENCE!
Sadly in life the muggers/bullies/thugs pick on those they feel cannot fight back. Prove you can and you are safe. I believe even Nelson Mandela repeated the adage 'Speak softly, but carry a big stick!' Good luck to you and your son.