Am I a bad person for raising my kids this way?

Question

I am a father of two and I am gay. We live a unique home life. My partner, the kids, their mother and myself all live together. Is this bad and what will it do to my children in the long run?

Answer 1

Bad person? No, not by any means. Don't listen to any one else but your own heart. Personally i think it's wonderful. Your children will grow up learning to be more open minded and hearted then other children. As far as confusing them absolutely not. How you live dose not confuse a child it's lack of communication and failure to explain why thing are the way the are. Be honest to your children. I never got that growing up. That made for a crazy coming out experience. I am just glad i didn't take the easy way out.
Bottom line...... now and day's it's so awesome to see children with two parents that love them very much. Just think how great it is to know that your kids have three. Your the modern day cleaver's now. Have fun and set an example of what is possible for same sex relationships.
Much Love and Respect~
nevah82

Answer 2

Obviously you don't think you're a bad person, and I suspect that you aren't the one raising the kids (and that you are someone in the extended family that doesn't approve of alternative parenting arrangements).

The kids may get teased at school if the sordid details of their parents' lives come out.

But if the parents are loving with the children and civil or friendly with each other, the kids will very likely be better adjusted than most of the other kids around.

Surely, they are better off than if the mother and father are living in seperate homes, each struggling to pay rent/mortgage for the space, and the kids are shuttled back and forth every other week or only see one parent for 4 or 8 days/month.

Answer 3

Depends on the school they go to. They might get beat up frequently and picked on if the other kids know. That might lead to a lot of resentment. They may lose respenct for you or they might develop a strong pro-gay stance. It's hard to say. They certainly will be confused about sexuality. You might ask a therapist on this one, if it is a major concern of yours.

If you kiss your boyfriend/life partner in front of your kids, chances are they will act out in the same way if they are young. That could lead to problems. It's not necessarily because they too are gay, but because they look up to you.... Immitation is the greatest form of flattery...

Answer 4

I don't think anyone would suffer from having 3 adults who love them living with them in the house. As long as you are all mature and can keep the house from becoming a war zone if you have issues with each other, then your children should grow up feeling secure and having a unique perspective about life.

Answer 5

I think its good that the mother and you and your partner can all live happily in the same home. I think it will be good for the children in the long run and they will be able to accept others more readily.

You aren't a bad person.

Answer 6

No you are not a bad person raising your kids this way although I am assuming that all 3 of you care for the children and provide them with a stable family life.

i am not sure of the age of your children, so I checked out some of your info and blog (sorry) and am guessing that they are younger than 10 years old.

There are a number of good children's books that talk about the variety of families or living in a family with gay parents.
Also I think there are probably groups on line or in your area that could provide support.

As a member of an affirming congregation in a United church, I have seen many children with gay parents who grow up "normally". Living with gay parents did not make them more gay or more straight.

It is more important you teach your children to be confident, compassionate and show them how to use the gifts and talents they posess than whether they grow up in a hetro household. It is also important for you to be confident as a parent...gay or not. They need to see you happy with who you are and the decisions you make. They do not need to see the adults anxious about how "different" the family make up is. This would lead the kids to believe they were wierd or different and unsure of their family. This would also make them more suceptible to teasing or at least believing the teasers.

On another note, I hope the mother of the children is also able to get on with her life and pursue her own personal relationships and isn't "hanging on and pining away" hoping you'll change your gay status and pick her. That would create a tense and unhealthy environment.

In nutshell, there are so many different makeup of families nowadays that it is just important you provide a stable loving life for your kids. If you can do that then they have the same chance of being "normal" as everyone else in the world.

Answer 7

No i doont think that yoou are a bad father for raising yoour children that way in fact i think that ist great that there mother lived there also.they have three pepole to love them. my mom is a gay and most my life i lived with her and her lover at first i was a little embarresed to bring friends home but i got over that real fast and iam not ashamed of her at all im 22 now and have my own children and i dont feel damanged by thhis at all and if i woulld have had my daad around it would have been that much better and i think that its id great that the three of yoou get can along good enoough to live together.

Answer 8

Ive seen more unique home lives than that and even though I was the furthest thing from an "open mind" just a couple of years ago I now realize that Children grow up to make their own choices no matter how they were raised. My father raised us in a very strict christian home and now that Im 23 I have my beliefs but my own way of doing everything no matter what he taught me. As far as all of you being in one house... thats just that many more loving arms and I think thats good. SO many children grow up in broken homes where they are lucky to have one set of loving arms. My friend in grade school had a different home life, her mother and father lived together however her father was post-op and was now aunt linda. She was 10 and understood the situation and was just greatful she had him in her life no matter his lifestyle. Long story short I think your kids are blessed to have a loving father who also is concerned with their well being. If anything just try to be able to explain any questions they may have now or later in the future and just know that you can only do your best to raise them because one day they will be grown and making decisions of their own. All we ever really need from our parents is their love and support. It sounds to me like youve got that covered! Best wishes!

Answer 9

No you're not a bad person. Unless you live in a 'red state' - then your neighbors will get all judgemental on you. Your kids will probably grow up tolerant enlightened individuals. Good for you. Just shut the door and keep the noise down during "quality time" with your partner.

Answer 10

This can fall under morals and beliefs. Many gays are trying to blend a nuclear family and being open, honest and loving how can that be bad? It is a unusual situation but it has been created and chosen so it is past time to question if it is right. My friend in High School lived with her mother and partner. She is a well adjusted woman with a family of her own. Children need honesty, limits, guidance and love. If you give your children that you are doing the right thing.