When my husband and I were married, we discussed children for a long time before we had them. We decided that the best thing would be for me to stay at home with the children. We now have 2 beautiful boys, 4 and 1 and I want to renegotiate and he says no way. My hubby works 9-5 , comes home plays with the kids for an hour and then onto the comp while I clean up, then it's bed.. except that I have a 4 year old with emotional and health problems and I have to do EVERYTHING around the house.. which was NOT part of the deal. I cook, clean, child rear, mow the lawn, fix stuff, call people, handle the bills, do the laundry EVERYTHING. ALSO.. he comes up with these hair brained schemes all the time to make money, and tells me that while I am cleaning, cooking etc to do research for him for his ideas... am I wrong to want to renegotiate?
2006-07-11 03:06:04 · 14 answers · asked by Imani 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
we agreed to him doing the "man" stuff, like fixing things and mowing the lawn.. but he never does it. After 4 days of a drippy sink and 3 fights about it.. i just fix it
2006-07-11 03:20:43 · update #1
we agreed to him doing the "man" stuff, like fixing things and mowing the lawn.. but he never does it. After 4 days of a drippy sink and 3 fights about it.. i just fix it
2006-07-11 03:20:44 · update #2
It's not my fault that I know how to change the oil in the car and fix a broken pipe.
2006-07-11 03:24:18 · update #3
I would log my time all day long while he's gone for a whole week and show it to him. Show him that you're not sitting around most of the time and that you really are busy. If he still doesn't care, stop doing some of the things, such as his laundry. He'll eventually do it.
2006-07-11 05:14:27 · answer #1 · answered by caitlinerika 3 · 10⤊ 1⤋
I'm assuming you want to change your arrangement because you feel the family needs your assistance in increasing the household income? I say this because you also mention that our husband is always trying to come up with new ways of making additional money. Also, I would think you need some change and having a job would allow you a break from the daily routine you've become a slave too and I can understand that. However, you have to consider the costs involved in your leaving the home to become employed such as daycare, additional gas expense as well as the strain of scheduling around two working people. One suggestion might be if you took a part time evening job and traded places at home with your husband as care givers to your children though this would take a toll on your personal time alone together but I suspect from what you've said already that may already be strained. The real question in doing this would be is your husband willing to take more responsibility around the house and with the children?
2006-07-11 10:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We made a similar deal when had kids and stuck to it. But your situation is all one sided and he has to carry his load when home and not have his cake and eat it too. SO further give and take is required or as you say renegotiate. By the way I still not a good cook. But everything outside the house is mine and also I do the laundry.
I wish you well and the 4 year gets the help he needs from doctors and both parents.
PS: It will get better when the kids grow older.
2006-07-11 10:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by Rancher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you Wrong ? No way but your technique may be...
Don't use the word renegotiate perhaps be smart about it... first do your home work what you want to do and how you want to go about.. start by looking for work on line etc because you would need full time day care/nanny to look after your kids while you will be away.. once you have a game plan.. lay it down for your husband and then Negotiate. He needs to know how serious are you and what home work have you done....
Remember, God dreams bigger dreams for us then we do for ourselves and its commendable to be a stay at home mother and is more profound then any cooperate job !!
Good Luck and may the force be with you. Amen
God Speed
2006-07-11 10:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by Needy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a big mastake with this guy. First you gave up all your rights to him. Now if you wish to go back to work it should be up to you and you alone. You would need someone to watch the children. Now the other thing - A man is tired when he comes home from work. You have to rember that. BUT , BUT he made the kids too. He needs to get up off the chair and help. He can run the sweeper , do the wash , fold close help with the dishes & with your help do the yard work.. Kids take a lot of work on both parents. If both parents work together on all things they get done moch faster and all can have fun after. But rember he may fork very hard for you and the children making money so he does work too. It is easy to look back and say I wish I never had kids.
2006-07-11 10:22:36 · answer #5 · answered by ldp999000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to want to renegotiate, but you may have to wait until all the kids are in school to do it. It wouldn't be wrong to ask your husband for help around the house, since he lives there too. Yes, he's working 9-5, but you're working 24/7, and sometimes you need a break too.
2006-07-11 10:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like if he has a 9 to 5 that he is home on weekends so what u do is on friday make a list of things like what to make for breakfast and laundry and mowing etc normal things u would do in a day not even that much will be ok and before he gets out of bed in the morning on saturday u leave go out shopping or visit friends and family u take the day for yourself and leave him to tend to children for the whole day to change them feed them and do house chores and when u get home see how much got done and then talk to him and show him point made.
2006-07-11 10:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont renegotiate everything,. ask him to mow the lawn and fix stuff and do the bills. your children need you now the most. yo9ur children will be closer to you because you were there for them more. try to help him with his "schemes" when your not too busy but dont work too hard. plus, its not like he dosent work hard too., your not wrong to renegotiate. try to tell him that you need alittle help too.
2006-07-11 10:14:11 · answer #8 · answered by dylan21029 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision for you to stay at home with the kids was a mutual one. He did not make a deal stating that you have to stay at home with the kids, right? You have every right to a career if you want it. Possibly even something part-time to start out. Don't let him make this decision for you. Put your foot down and tell him what you want, and brook no arguements. If your husband wants to be that controlling with your life, then you may need to rethink what's going to be best for you and your children...
2006-07-11 10:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by Melanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. I hope you aren't keeping the house spotless, my mother subscribed to the belief that she did what had to be done during the week and if my dad didn't like it, he could do it himself. My dad took care of everything outside and helped on weekends. The rest of the week the house would be neat but not spotless. Unfortunately, you can't change him. He has to want to change, and he's got a good thing going.
2006-07-11 10:13:20 · answer #10 · answered by erin7 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, very difficult question,he wants you to be the man of the house? then so be it,start wearing the pants,get greasy,sweaty,and dirty, he ask for some lovein,tell him your to tired right now,be tired all the time,or headaches,or when he asks for something ,just say sorry dont have time,got to mow the lawn right now, or i have to fix the pipes anything,hell say when are we going to have some time together, you tell him ,with me doing the job of 2, i just dont have time for recreation.if we shared the responsibilitys wed have time to do things together, tell him your getting worn out.good luck, you have a lasy f... for a hubby, and selfish
2006-07-12 09:35:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋