How do you control your anger?

Question

for example, when you know somebody is being really rude and uncooperative, but you know you need help , how do you stop yourself from losing control?
i am generally a very tolerant person. But lately i have found some people being purposely irritating. How do deal with my anger?

Answer 1

Kill them with kindness. The ruder they are, the sweeter you should be, even if every fiber of your body wants to punch them in the face. I'm not saying you should let them stomp all over you like a doormat; stand your ground, but be reallyreally nice about it. Thank them profusely.

Yes, I'm advocating somewhat passive-aggressive behavior. But if you have to deal with these people every day, it actually works. I have worn down several former coworkers this way. You just have to view their rudeness as THEIR problem, but it doesn't affect you (even if you go home and cry later). They will come around eventually.

Answer 2

I'm reading a book on the subject called "When Anger Hurts."
I'm a very benevolent person, hate violence (been attacked several times and refused to fight back), but I found the book to be very helpfull to me especially lately because I'm in a living situation where I have to deal with an 11 year old boy that has ADHD and a 22 year old guy who hates me.
The biggest principle in the book is self talk. You will not get angry unless you have thoughts or beliefs which tell you to get angry.
For example, if you get cut off in traffic you say to yourself "That asshole, they shouldn't have done that." According to the book that is two concepts which if you had reworded in your own mind you would not get angry about. First you made a generalization "That asshole" even though you don't know the person. Second you declare the other person "shouldn't have done that." That's not for you to decide.
Just keep in mind the fact that each person acts to fullfill their needs so far as their inhibitions allow them. This is a simple fact. The person cut you off because they needed to get ahead and the risks did not inhibit them enough to stop them. You can't blame them for that even though perhaps you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were in their shoes.
Go to the library or bookstore and take a look at the book. It's good reading even if you arn't an angry person by nature.

Answer 3

Irritating people are very stressing. If you lose control and act on your anger, be ready for the consequences-- which are avoidable. So try your best to control anger by sitting still, deep breathing with eyes closed or start counting from 1-100 real slow. Bursting out in anger will let the steam out but it may bring more trouble. Learning to be calm is not impossible when you focus your thoughts on it.

Answer 4

FIRST, remember that the "tolerance" you have has little to do with the "patience" you seek.


Tolerance is a good thing.....but is a limited thing. To tolerate someone you have to either SPEND an emotive energy or INHIBIT an emotive energy. When you are tired or frustrated or low on emotional energy you will not be able to tolerate anymore....... until you re-fuel your emotional "well".

Eating well, exercise, low caffeine, low sugar, lots of sleep and good preparation for the day can put you in the best mental shape to handle a day of frustration. It's also very important to "spend" your emotional energy well..........distribute it carefully and don't simply "waste" it on trivial things that can wait until the important part of the day is over.

Also, don't go around moping OR exploding at things that simply don't matter.......save up you tolerance like it was gold.


I like to vicariously emote through sports and Yahoo! Answers, for instance. I get all crazy and frustrated and yell and scream at a hockey game.....watching OTHER people take a beating and win/lose the game .......I feel emotionally drained and re-charged, simultaneously. It's like re-booting my computer/brain .....it just kinda' shakes everything up and re-shuffles the deck, so to speak.

I let many people know what I think here on Answers and learn to win or lose an answer-battle, gracefully ........ I share wisdom I've accumulated and gain information from others..... helping me to better process some of my own questions.

Now.....unlike a football fan I DO NOT re-live a game that we've won or lost for the next three years with my buddies and on talk radio.........when I walk out of a hockey game I may fume or celebrate for a few hours or a day at most.....then I re-boot and see what happens at the next game.

There are many meditations for frustration management..... I suggest the more "active" ones, myself. The relaxing/contemplative ones are "spoiled", to me, when I use them as therapy. I like to fight the "fire" of frustration with the "fire" of a good active-style meditation "routine".

A good walk is fine, too.


Good luck. Don't try to make people LESS rude, stupid or uncooperative.

It will never work.

Answer 5

The best strategy is to stay really calm yourself - for example, by taking a few deep breaths, letting their words into your ears but not into your heart, or imagining you are standing in a pool of white light and that in that white light you are calm and controlled and nothing can upset you (apparently that white light technique really works)

When you speak to the person again, make sure it's calm and controlled, and maybe even a little quieter and softer than your usual speaking voice. The contrast between your voice and the rude person's will make him/her realise how unreasonable they're being, and you will bring their volume and aggression down to the same level as yours.

Try it - I guarantee it works! :o)

Answer 6

I was pretty angry just the other day(my birthday); my friend, Sonia invited me over for a BBQ:total 8 people, 1 of which was Sonia's boyfriend's dad(about 58 yrs old); I went to pick up a piece of bread while we were all eating and he said in front of everyone, out of the blue: "No wonder you're so fat."; I hesitated a moment, because I could feel myself boiling, but just as loudly said: "You know, Benny, I was taught that if you can't say something nice to someone, don't speak at all; Do you not think that I know that I'm fat, who cares; it's my business, not yours and I'd appreciate it from now on you'd keep nonsense talk to yourself." Then smiled (everyone was dead silent), said "let's eat" and moved on; I felt good that I used my "intellect" instead of going the negative route; plus, bonus, later on he spoke to me privately and apologized profusely for his rudeness! Always take the high road! Plus, a Xanax didn't hurt, either!

Answer 7

Sometimes I have steam coming out of my ears and red rays coming from my eyes, but I just smile (in a condescending way) and say "you have nice day now". It's kind of like: your being verbally polite, while your body language is saying f**k you!!! I get a little sense of satisfaction that way! I'm not one to complain about people like that, but on the same token, I don't believe people should just bend over and take it up the A** !! Just find a polite, but firm way to let folks know they've crossed your line.

Answer 8

My anger controls me.

Answer 9

i also have that same problem gettin really upset over no reason really lol my husband tell me im always mad at him for nothing... anyways i used to be on medication for it when i was a teenager it seemed to work really good you can try that or just take deep breaths or count to ten in your head im sure you probably heard all of those before but what usually works for me is i take a walk or drive or sometimes i take a long shower and when i get out i seem to forget why i was so angry in the first place.

Answer 10

Recently, I went to see a new doctor, who ended up being very rude. I was very surprised how he talked to my husband and I. He would actually cut me off in the middle if talking.
He made me very mad, but I never let him know it.
I will simply never go back to see him again.
Letting people see that you are mad really never helps the problems. Just do not go around them anymore.