My daughter has a friend who is getting married shortly and my daughter is in the wedding. They are in their late 20's. The thing is, this couple has already been married by a JP, but the haven't informed her parents. Now, they are planning a wedding, partially funded by her parents, that is huge and expensive just because the girl wants it. My daughter and I have had discussions about this and she feels it's okay but I don't. I feel if she wants the wedding, her parents should be informed that they are already married and give her parents the choice of whether they are going to pay out a very large amount of money or not. What do you think?
2006-07-11 01:04:47 · 11 answers · asked by marty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is a question of ethics. I have no intention of interferring and my own daughter is already married. I just wondered how others would see this.
2006-07-11 16:59:42 · update #1
I will assume both of them are employed. They are already married, at this point they are deceiving her parents. Sounds to me as though this woman is very selfish. I have been married & paid for the entire ceremony. As an adult I felt if this was something I wanted I should pay for it. What's next, will they buy a house & have her parents pay for that too. Its wrong, no matter how you look at it. Its a huge lie & manipulative behavior to say the least. Her parents should have been informed. Perhaps if they wanted to give the couple a reception that would have been understandable. To lie to get your way, no. If I were her parents & I found out, I'd be asking for a full refund. I work hard & would expect my child to acknowledge that & treat me with respect.
2006-07-11 02:22:35 · answer #1 · answered by mdsredhen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that it might be wrong to be so dishonest with someone's parents...but I also think that it's a family matter. I know you want to do the right thing, but your feelings are just not relevant in this situation. The family will or will not find out on their own when they see a marriage certificate or notice that at the wedding ceremony no one is filling out the necessary paperwork. Also, there are circumstances that you or your daughter may not be aware of here. You should never act on something this serious without all the information and it's not your place to ask the couple.
I also think that you should talk to your own daughter about this because it's obviously something that you disagree on. Maybe a lot of your concern is coming from the fact that you are worried that she could do this to you? Let her know that you would accept her decisions and all that.
I know it sucks to sit back and watch something happen that you think is morally wrong but in this case I think it's the only option. Good luck.
2006-07-11 08:11:16 · answer #2 · answered by ykokorocks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There may have been financial reasons why they got married by a JP first. My fiance and I are contemplating this as well. He would be put on my health insurance and there are other benefits as well. However we both really wanted a fall wedding. I would take the advice of others - it really is none on your concern. Do not meddle in other people's business. You run the risk of destroying good friendships over something like this. Congratuate the happy couple. They are still married - the parents probably want what is best for them anyway, and the wedding is their gift to them. Don't take that away from them. They just want to see the children happy.
2006-07-11 02:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by ak517969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not interfere, it is non of your business. Just attend the wedding and congratulate the newly weds. Her parents will pay a large amount of money and it will be a great wedding and everyone will be happy. True they are already married, but also true they didn't have a wedding. Just don't interfere, let it be, it is not your fault nor is it your responsibility. Besides even if they do find out what makes you think they are not willing to pay part of this big wedding ? Don't interfere at all.
2006-07-11 01:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by rabb b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think when she got married JP she should have told her parents. But hey, if the parents want to pay for the wedding that's great for her.... but it shouldn't be a secret.
2006-07-11 01:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by Brandie C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But u have to get married by the JP before u do a church ceremony, so she did the wright thing, plus its not ur problem what she does with her life
2006-07-11 03:00:41 · answer #6 · answered by KelLzZz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah that isn't right. If she wanted a big wedding she should have waited. Her poor parents are gonna be paying that debt FOREVER.
2006-07-11 01:17:55 · answer #7 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not of your bussiness. Stay out of it. If you are not paying for the wedding, how is that of your concern?
Lady, mind your own bussiness and let people be happy.
2006-07-11 02:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The girl should've definitely told her parents about it, but she didn't. Since it's not your daughter, it's really best to stay out of it.
2006-07-11 02:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is none of your business to meddle. Who will it benefit? You would only cause everyone conflict and pain and it would not make you look very good.
2006-07-11 02:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by ♥monamarie♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋