If your 9yr old daughter found her father's condoms, do you think it is time for 'The Talk'? we are divorced..

Question

Wow, some great feedback! Thank you. To explain a little more is that she was wanting to make a binder for her father of her drawing and pictures and knew he has some in his bedside drawer so when she went into his room (he was making the bed) she opened the drawer and found the condoms. He just recently started dating and has kept it mostly away from her, meaning that he would see his girlfriend when my daughter was with me so she wasn't exposed to much. What happend was that my daughter and I were watching TV and a condom commercial came on and she asked me what they were for, I simply said it is for guys. She knows some things and has heard a few and I feel it is time to start talking.. Not graphic things but trying to ease her apprehension and make sure that she is aware of the differences but at the same time keep being a kid and waiting for the right time. I don't want her to be told the wrong things and then develop misgivings on what is true.He wants to wait, but think we shoul

Answer 1

This is honestly a hit or miss aspect of parenting. Generally speaking, how and when your child learns about sexuality will have a great effect on the outcome of their own sexual activity, and some can be less than pleasant.

I would be inclined to say that it's going to depend on her insistance upon detail. Understand that anything she wants to know, she probably isn't going to have much trouble finding out about -- So what you have to decide is where you want her to get her information from, and there are a lot of such "resources" that aren't very healthy. If she makes it pretty obvious that her curiousity is probably going to get the better of her, you may have to have the talk a little earlier than you might have cared to, but at least you'll be able to make sure that you give her the information she needs to make what you feel are the right decisions in regards to sex. The method of exposure is important. Myself? I was about 9 when I got the talk. Unfortunately, some of the things I was "taught" about sex led me to have some rather skewed views of what it was, or what it was supposed to be, so the topic was very, very awkward for me. In my case, as any other, the damage is not entirely irreversible, but it's something you'll want to spare your child of altogether, if at all possible.

Whatever you do, don't offer her any more than what she wants. If she's not terribly curious, don't bother to go through with it just yet. When it's time, there's a good chance she'll let you know, but only if you make sure that when the time comes, you're there to help her sort it out. I'm not saying to spare any details you think are important, I'm simply suggesting that if she doesn't want to know, she probably doesn't need to just yet.

Answer 2

At age 9, her questions are very simple. Your "talk" should just answer her questions, nothing more, nothing less. My daughter hit me with some questions at age 8 when her 16 yr old cousin showed up pregnant one day. It was "why is everyone so upset ... a baby is a miracle from God. He put it in her tummy ... shouldn't we be happy?" Man, that was harder than your condom question. I just stopped on the details when she was satisfied. Later, she had more questions. Don't overwhelm her with the "talk." You may tell her a lot more than she wants to know or can handle.

Answer 3

Yes, most definitely. As hard as it is to admit, nine year-olds are exposed to this sort of talk (and misinformation) from all sorts of avenues--school, TV, movies, music--and the more they know now that's real the better. Also, it's a good idea to form an open communication now about sex, and et cetera so that trust will form, and when the big questions come up, she will come to you and not the aforementioned friends, TV, movies, etc.

Answer 4

I can speak from personal experience here...
When I was little my mom would answer an questions I had truthfully...(leading to my entire 2nd grade class learning that babies
DO NOT come out of your bellybutton...oops)...

When it came to sex and the such...we didn't have THE talk...again, she answered all of my questions...then gave me the recources to find what I wanted (books and specific websites)...that way I could learn about it as I got curious about it.

To me, that worked the best out of all of my friends' stories. I learned the facts, but without having to have an uncomfortable sit-down talk with my mom.

As for the age factor...when she is curious, she is not too young...I'm not saying have an in depth conversation because she asked what they were, but definately answer her questions truthfully and not only will she know the facts, but she will trust you more and be more comfortable with you.

Answer 5

NO.

She is too young in my opinion for that kind of 'talk'

If she asks what they are, (I assume she has...) tell her that they are for adults and that some day she may want to use them, but I think that starting 'the talk' would end up raising WAY too many questions that you may not want to answer and that she probably really doesn't want to know the answer to.

The person who needs 'the talk' is her father. How did she find them in the first place?

Answer 6

Considering the fact that sex is everywhere you turn nowadays. I feel girls should be informed as soon as possible. And there's no Better person to get the facts from than from her mom. She trusts you and looks to you for guidance. This may eliminate the curiosity later towards the preteen years considering children are getting younger and younger getting pregnant.

Answer 7

Excuse me, considering you are divorced, what were those condoms doing over there?! Anyway, tell her clearly but not completely, the remainder of which information should be given gradually in next weeks by you. Don't fear, some day she hears about it, and it's better that "you" tell her, not her friends.

Answer 8

Probably, because it's really never too early to bring up the subject...and it shouldn't be just one talk. Have THE talk, but then don't forget to reinforce how you feel about HER and our topic. Base your talks (plural) on how curious or interested she seems each time you talk...and don't make her feel ashamed or she'll go somewhere else to find her information. NOT the best choice!

Answer 9

see just frgt about the incident , nowdays children re so smart n realistic they find their answers automatically n if not than they come to parents . so give a break 9 yr is not an age to discuss all this , let her b innocent fr few more yrs. i am sure 1ce she ll start thinking all ths she ll share with u. i ve done ths n m sure ths s the way it should b.
give her sme time ,let her enjoy her childhood.

Answer 10

Yes. She seems to be the right age. And sometimes we underestimate the intelligence of children. She probably already knows what it is and possibly even what she found. Now it's time for you to guide her in the right direction.