My sister has been a drug addict for several years. So is her boyfriend. They've been in and out of rehab several times. They have a child together that stays with my mom most of the time. I don't know what to say to her when I phone her. I don't want to turn my back on her or be judgemental like the rest of the family but I don't know how to help her. She lives far from me and I only see her once a year. We had an abusive upbringing and I don't think she ever recovered. I wish I could understand what she's going through so I can say the right words. Can anyone help me?
2006-07-10 23:45:20 · 12 answers · asked by SweetyPie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Seriously there is no right or wrong things to say.. my brother is a addict and no matter how much i say and do for him it is not changing him... he spent 5 years in a state pen for his drugs and that did not change him.... The person will change when they want to change... if 5 long years in a pen will not change someone then little stints in rehab is going to do nothing... he has been in and out of rehab so many times i gave up counting..
The person has to want to make a change for themselves... if they do not want to change and do not have the power to change themselves then nothing is going to help.. we were brought up with a drunk as a dad and a woman that would rather spread her legs with 200 men then be with her kids....as a mother.. she was never around screwing around all she wanted while he was at home smashing the place... it is no excuse to be a drug addict or a alcoholic..... me and my sister are not like that and we had it worse then my brother did.. he was the boy he was always loved and protected for being the only boy... and what happens he is the **** head that is screwed up..
My brother was 378 lbs when he got out of jail... that was 2 years ago.. he is now 136lbs.. in a matter of 2 years he has gone to hell.. Now he has already got hepatitis c and drinks like a fish so his liver is bad.. I know one day i am going to go see him and he is going to be dead..
I love my brother just like you love your sister but you need to face it like i had to..... we might love them but they only love there drugs... they are not the same people as they were before.. when you talk to her.. you are talking to the drugs.. just as i am with my brother.. on a day before he gets messed up he calls me and is so caring and loving.. but as soon as that coke acid and whatever else he wants that day gets in his system.. everyone is no good to him and he needs nothing but the drugs.
Sometimes it is just better to turn your back and try to forget.. i wish i could... sometimes i wish my brother would just put himself out of his misery.. all he is doing is hurting his family the kids wife and me also.. he is no use to anyone anymore.. except the dealers.. When he does pass i will remember him as the man he was before the drugs.. because right now my brother as i known him is dead ... what i got now for a brother is a completely different person and i will not miss that guy when he is gone..
I am at the point were i tell people my brother died 12 years ago.. what i have now is a shell of my brother filled with drugs..
I take his calls every morning when he is 1/2 way clean and listen to him tell me about the kids and what he thought he did last night and i cry every morning because i want my brother back ..
2006-07-11 00:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by ~Mrs.C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is such a tough one. Just remember to be there for her whenever she needs you - there's nothing much you can do.
Don't just be a sister/brother to her - try to also be a friend, instead.
Drug addiction is a solace - it's similar to those who self-harm (watch the movie 'Thirteen').
It's good to see that you are not judging her but you are actually putting yourself in her shoes by understanding why she is into drugs.
I accept my druggie friends for who they are - and also because at once, i came to a point where I convinced myself that adults are adults and they are old enough to do what they want.
The choice is in their minds, you are only an illussion to influence that shadow, hence you can't do much.
People make lousy decisions in life - they will fall in and out of their conscience.
Don't drain yourself too much - help yourself before you help others - reading up case studies and volunteering at help centres for troubled teens may help you gain the knowledge you need to help your sister.
Whatever faith you have, believe and keep praying. I wish you well.
2006-07-11 00:43:03 · answer #2 · answered by san 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for what you are going through but nothing you say or do will change her she has to do that on her own and she has to want to change. Sometimes they lose everything and everyone who is important before they commit to change. Always be clear about how you feel. Don't turn your back on her but don't try to make things easier on her either. Let her know you care about her but never give her money if she says she needs something and you want her to have it buy it for her don't give her the money. Never buy anything that costs allot she will pawn it for drugs. Help her out by taking her to dinner while you are with her let her know you care but you wish she would get clean. Good Luck!
2006-07-10 23:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by DD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok you must contact her and tell her that if she dont change it can effect her own child and can harm her future
(but say this very caam because she can get angry be most of the addict. cant hear any thing rude or the thing which can hurt them)
u must make her realized that they have a child and they have to take care of child and if they dont stop having drugs one day their own child can start having drugs
very important thing
only say this when she is not in drugs
2006-07-10 23:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by ravi s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional help. You are not the best person to be effective. Frankly, there is not much you can do. An expert in that field is the only thing I would advise.
2006-07-10 23:51:44 · answer #5 · answered by pieter U3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her and are concerened about her, and that there is help avalible.If she doesnt want the help thers not alot you can really do for her except to love her any way.We can only help people who want to help themselfs.
from; a recovering addict
2006-07-11 00:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by .? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are no right words to say my sis is the same way except she lives right next to me and i can not do anything to change her i have tried for 9 years to help her stay on the right track and she is just getting worse and worse she wont even come around me any more.....the best bet is to just tell her you are there for her and let her come to you for help instead of pushing her away like i did to my sis.....my best of wishes to you.....
2006-07-10 23:52:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing you can say or do except turn her into the police. at least that way she will get cleaned up and counseling while in jail.
2006-07-10 23:50:49 · answer #8 · answered by bobby h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless she wants to change there is nothing you can do except call the police
2006-07-10 23:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Impossible to help someone who doesn't want help. All you can do is try and be there for her when she needs you.
2006-07-10 23:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋