am i the only one who thinks it would be better to die than to live when there is no hope for meaningful life?

Question

i'm VERY serious. this isn't something i've thought about for hours or days or months... but for years. i've seen the doctors, been on the meds... loved... lost... tried... the hospital...the hot shower.. the walk in the woods... the reading... the groups. the truth is... they don't know how to help me. and i can't go on like this. i'm not trying to be selfish... i've stayed this long for my children as a matter of fact. but what good am i for them like this w/ no real hope of getting better? alot of my depression stems from situational factors... but i can't deal w/ the decisions i have to make to get out of the situation b/c of the rollercoaster i stay on emotionally (i'm bipolar). i've thought i might be better if i got out of the situation..but i can't get well enough to get out. it's a circle that i'm ready to end.

Answer 1

You may need to find a new doctor/therapist. It doesn't sound like your getting good management with your meds either. The fact that your reaching out implies that you are choosing to live. You just have to keep reaching a little deeper to get Thur each day. Everyone of us has something that we struggle with. For some its a terminal disease, others loss of a loved one, financial hardship, divorce.......and emotionally issues. If you know that getting out of the situation will help you.....then no more excuses. Do it. I'm sure it will be hard, and challenging....but everything in life worth having tends to be. You also know emotional that the balance is off.....keep searching for the help you need until you find it. Unfortunately life isn't fair......but it's the hand your dealt, and you need to stand up tall, surround yourself with people who love and support you, and make the best decisions you can. Good luck. BTW.....children who come from families where parents commit suicide have a higher risk of commiting suicide themselves as adults. Baby....not the answer.

Answer 2

Firstly, all I have to say is understandable. I want to let you know a little of my situation before I answer you so that you know I'm not just talking out my a**. I have lost many friends and loved ones over the years, I believe the count is now 13, including the recent death of my uncle. Most have been suicides, and I myself have attempted it before, so I understand the reasoning behind it. I firmly believe that no one understands the motivations or the mind-set until you actually experience it.

With that said, I understand what you're going through. It's not a matter of being selfish, it's a matter of being real. If you are bipolar, you know that these feelings could just be an episode, but they could also be how you truly feel. It's hard to explain how a life is meaningful because everyone has a different opinion. With all the religions out there, it's hard to actually tell someone what is and isn't meaningful because we all believe differently. In my opinion, life matters. You said yourself that alot of your depression stems from situational matters...those are the kinds of things that are temporary. It's incredibly cliche, but "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". Take some perspective - look at your life through another person's eyes and see what they see in you. If you think that the groups don't know how to help you, find someone who will. There's alot of things online, too, that will help with these kinds of things, and quite frankly I think they're better because it's a little easier to just be honest.

My honest opinion for some kind of solution is get out of the situation, see if that helps. You never know if it's really how you feel or situational until you get out of the situation. It may be hard and it may inconvenience alot of people, but your health should come first. Gain some perspective on the situations and your feelings from a different light. And honestly, no one can answer this question for you.

Answer 3

it seems to me you're reaching out for answers...so surely you haven't lost all hope? I personally have never understood suicide, but I'm not you...and I'm not feeling what you're feeling. I know there's many out there who suffer with you, my father is bipolar and has attempted suicide twice. Let me tell you from a child's point of view that it is the most traumatizing thing that can happen to a child - to not only lose a parent, but for the parent to CHOOSE to die. my best friend's father was sucessful in his suicide attempts when she was 15, she is now almost 30 and it still affects her every day life. there's so many moments she has wanted to share with him, but he's no longer here. My opinion is this (and just an opinion)...there's no relief after suicide...because there's no nothing. This may seem like a good thing, but isn't a somewhat painful life worth more than none at all? at least while you're here you can have the satisfaction of watching your children become adults and go out into the world and become their own person...and you'll know that you had a major part in that. That's a huge accomplishment! I'm not saying stick around purely for the sake of your children, but truly understand the mark you will leave on them for the rest of their lives if you don't. Do you want to inflict the same pain on them that you yourself suffer?
please continue to try and find something that will work for you and keep you around a while longer!

Answer 4

Wow, how can someone answer that question in an internet chatroom? You say you're bipolar and you've tried the meds...did you stay on them? Which meds were you on? I wish we could speak face to face (for a very long time) so that I could tell you the right answer. This much I DO know...suicide is NEVER, EVER the answer. In every case of suicide in which I'm familiar, the families and friends, are absolutely destroyed by the actions of the victim. I also know that Christ is capable of healing all wounds. Please don't blow me off as some religious fanatic, that's going to thump his Bible...I want to implore you to go talk to friend or pastor who has a strong Christian walk. Trust me in this, if everything else has been fruitless, why not God carry your load for awhile. I know frustrating bipolar disorder can be...my Mom's been dealing with it most of her adult life...I just beg you not come to resolve a temporary problem with a permanent solution.

Answer 5

Do you even want help? Your children should be meaningful enough to go on no matter what. Those little guys look up to you in everyway even if you can't see it. I'm in a pretty hard situation right now but all I need to do is look at my boys and know somebody is looking up to me, waiting for answers even if they're not completely right. For me my family is my therapy, everyday is different and everyday you learn a little more from each other. No child deserves to live without their mother if she can still get out of bed everyday. The only decision you really need to worry about is what is best for your children. Give up worrying about yourself. It's the same sh*t everyday so set it aside for awhile. Realize there are actually people out there who genuinely need you.
I wish you luck.

Answer 6

First of all, if you do this, it can not be undone! You have mentioned that you have stayed this long for your kids, well, think about how you eating a bullet would effect them and the rest of their lives. We all have issues, also known as Life's Lessons. You say you can't handle the emotional strain of whatever decision you need to make, but look at it this way, if you have put up with greif for this long, why not try to change it before checking out? If it doesn't work, at least you tried. I would think that you would owe your kids at least the effort to try!

Answer 7

I am very sorry you are feeling such despair. I agree in that a meaningful life is better than one that is not, but your life is meaningful. You said you have kids, well, you mean a lot to them and losing you would be devestating for them. Remember you live for others as well as for yourself. I have found a lot of comfort in my religion (Buddhism) and feeding my spiritual side when things get to be too much. Please find a counselor, a phychiatrist, or even a very good friend who can listen to you and help you through this period. All life has meaning, and you Jessica are very important whether you realize it or not.

Answer 8

You know what awaits for us after we die? Nothing absolutely nothing. No heaven, No hell. there aint nothing beyond the black rainbow. And why are you such in a hurry to die? We'll die sooner or later-- I say die when you're old weak and senile. Live this life out you only get one chance to do something- anything. My suggestion is, leave that place. Go somewhere where no one will find you and start a new life.

Answer 9

Mostly, it's you needing to find something to believe in. Find something you are passionate for. "Meaningful life" has your own definition stamped on it. Maybe your standards for a meaningful life needs to be changed.

Right now the cognitive dissonance is saying one of two things,
change your environment, or change yourself. I imagine you tried changing your environment, but maybe the wrong environment is what you are changing. Changing yourself, in this case, ending your circle is the option you are ready to choose. However, it is a final solution. I don't want to repeat the messages that you probably have been told.

Answer 10

Whoa.................you need to take 2 steps back and take your meds!!! Right now, you're thinking too much of you and not the people that depend on you....you can turn your life around and be there for the children and feel better about yourself, but you have to take the first step and not give up so easily!!!