What is the Funniest Joke u have ever heard?

Question

Clean, Dirty, Whatever

Answer 1

lol... i remember I told this joke to my family... they were laughing out loud! :D

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

Answer 2

These questions are the best!!!!

1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?

17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ***?

23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?


I also like this one:

Men are just simply happier people, and here is why...

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Answer 3

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."

Answer 4

This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.

One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!"

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like crazy out there and I'm naked!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window!

When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running marathon," so he started to run along beside the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm.

One of the runners asked, "Do you always run in the nude?"

He answered, while gasping for breath, "Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I'm running."

Another runner then asked the nude lover, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

The naked lover answered breathlessly, "Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!"

The marathon runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

The nude man answered, "Only if it's raining..."

Answer 5

Lubed Up

Tom and Mike, two gay men, are on their honeymoon. After a passionate night together, Tom suddenly realises that they have run out of lube, so he says to Mike "I'm just off to the shop to get some more lube - we've run out!" He also says "and there's to be no wanking while I'm gone, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." replies Mike.

Twenty minutes later, Tom returns and on opening the door sees a whole load of *** on the bed. He says to Mike "I thought I told you there was to be no wanking?"

Mike replies "I didn't, I just farted!"

Answer 6

a man went to rob a shop
but there was not so much money in the drawer
then he tied the cashier and sat on counter for 5 hours
for making money

Answer 7

Jed is walking along the beach after a long argument with his least favorite person, his mother-in-law, and he finds a wierd looking lamp. When he picks it up and rubs the sand off, a Genie appears. The Genie says to the man, "I will grant you three wishes, but keep in mind that whatever you wish for I will give twice as much to your mother-in-law!"

Jed thinks about this awhile and agrees to the terms. He says, "Genie, I'd like me a mansion in the hills."

The Genie replies, "Granted..." then chuckles, "... and your mother-in-law gets TWO mansions in the hills."

Jed says, "Genie... I'd like to have me a million dollars."

The Genie replies, "Granted, but alas your mother-in-law will get two million dollars. You have one wish left."

Jed says, "Genie... see that stick over there?"

The Genie looks and nods his head, a bit confused. "Yes, what about it?"

Jed grins, "I want you to take that stick and beat me half to death with it."

Answer 8

why did the elephante cross the road?
cuz the chicken waz on vacation.

i also likethis one:

there r 3 men in a plane, one german one english one roman. the planes about to crash and there arent any more parachutes left so the english guy says god save me and jumps outta the plane and land one a hay stack. the irish man also says god save me and jumps and lands on a hay stack. the roman cant speak english properly so he says GOD SHAVE ME and he lands in a barber shop!

Answer 9

I don't relate jokes although I have heard some very funny jokes.

Answer 10

one day two men went to a bar... after bit while one man started to talk. " u bugger last night i slept with ur mother". he told another man. all the men in the bar just frightened and thought now another man will hit that man.. the second man replied... "Dad now u r over limit come we go home"