I need your help ladies. How can I get the father of my baby to understand that it is not easy.?

Question

See he is there for us financially, we live together. He insists that he does not know how to raise babies. One night I was really sick in the bathroom instead of taking care of our daughter her brought her there to me. I have asked for his help repeatidly, and it does no good. I feel so frustrated at times has anyone else had to deal with this, and how did you cope?

Answer 1

i know the feeling. i am a stay home mom. I cook, clean and take care of my children.when my husband comes home he just wants to veg, and relax from his stress full day. ( you know cuz, we just have it so easy) jk. i tried to tell him how i felt so he improved for about a week, then went back to doing nothing. I finally just did absolutely nothing with the house, (i did do what is necessary for the kids), he finally got the point. No matter which parent the load is mostly on, give them a break once and a while, we don't get a vacation or a day off.

Answer 2

You honestly can't make him realize that. I mean my husband didn't want to take care of our first child either. He was afraid he was going to break him. It wasn't until the baby was a little older and developed enough to sit up and say things that he started to feel even half comfortable. I praised him up and down every time he even held the baby. Soon he was a little more confident and it came easier. He was like that with the second one too but by the third he was ok almost from the beginning. They think we women just automatically know what to do with babies since we are the mothers. It should be just natural right? LOL. NO. It is a learning process for everyone. The only thing I would suggest is praise him for any interaction with the baby and say things like "Oh she looks like she really loves the way you hold her." and things like that. Good luck!

Answer 3

This is an email my mom sent me last week and I think it sums up your problem, it may not answer it, but a laugh might ease some stress.

Subject: FW: What Do You Do All Day?


A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food
boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded
against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found
his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Answer 4

wow this is amazing that I have gone thru the SAME thing. I was sick and he left the baby crying and crying and when I crawled into the bedroom he left the room and went to sleep in the other room yelling at me to keep the baby quiet so he could sleep.

It's called emotional abuse.

It took me a loooooong time to see it. He obviously doesnt want the baby. He may love her....but that's as far as it goes.

He wants the baby when it is convenient for him in his life....in his day....if he's happy....if he's not tired....

Babies need more than that. The longer you stay with him...the longer your baby is having the life sucked out of her precious days. you're not happy and she can sense that.

On my birthday I went to the back to the bathroom to cry cuz he didnt tell me happy bday and I was hurt and I came back 2 seconds later sensing something wrong and the baby had gotten in the trash and was eating a rotten apple. He knew it....He saw it .... but just didnt want to care.

I'm so much calmer and happier now that this man is out of my life......now youre wondering...did he fulfill his daddy responsibilities....NOPE. so just put your nose high in the air and walk proud that you took care of yourself and your precious daughter and move on.

you cant MAKE someone learn to be a dad when they dont want to. and what kind of man is he if he doesnt want to? and what kind of a mom are you if you allow your daughter to be seeing you getting abused? YES they do learn and see it. YOU are worth more.

take care of yourself better than this! God didnt put you on this earth to be abused. You deserve to be happy too.

Answer 5

I was laid up with an excrutiating headache, and literally could not stand up... my son had thrown up all over his crib, and my husband wouldn't, or couldn't clean it.... he expected me to, and clearly I couldn't.....

so I changed the baby, crying from the pain of my throbbing migraine, and took the baby to bed with me.....

and I told the bastard to get out of that house NOW and do not come back until he was ready to change the sheets and clean the bed, and take care of the baby for me. I made it clear that he was not to come back to that house until he could be a good man, a good husband, and a good father, and do what was right for his wife and his child....

He sat on the front steps for about an hour, came back, cleaned the bed, and took care of the baby for me until I felt better. He never did that again....

Answer 6

Get a part time job! He will need to learn to care for her. My husband and our daughter are very close because of all the time they had alone together. Just don't criticize what he feeds her dresses her in and etc. Explain to him, this an important time to bond. If that bond is not formed when she is little, it will be almost impossible later in her life.

Answer 7

Most areas have parenting classes. Call some of the children's social service programs. They may be able to direct you to a class you can attend together with your child. He may be afraid of caring for such a small munchkin!

Answer 8

I had to deal with this repeatedly with my husband. He just needed to feel comfortable. My husband used to say he was scared of hurting the babies, but the more he was able to be with them the easier it got. I don't think he has it down yet! But at least he was willing to try, I think he enjoys the bonding!

Answer 9

If he insists he doesn't know how either teach him or take him to a parenting course then he has no excuse not to help and besides that talk to him to make sure it is he doesn't know how and not he doesn't want to.

Answer 10

He is probably nervous that he's going to do something wrong when he tries.Encourage him to do things with you(like help change a diaper,help get her bath prepared,help dress her..).Praise him at how good he is.(the're like small children in that way.Then when he seems comfy&confident,ease in a suggestion for him to do one of the tasks himself.Good Luck!