I have a 22 yr old son who lives with me and doesn't seem to want to find a job and go live on his own. Help!!

Question

I love him dearly but I feel like he's taking advantage of me by not working and helping out. I haven't been the best mother..I've made my share of mistakes but do I deserve this??

Answer 1

no. make him go to school or get a job and pay rent or boot his a$$ out. also he can cook, clean and do his own laundry. if you love him and you said you do, you must do it for him and you!

Answer 2

I don't think it's about you. Ultimately it's going to be your son who will suffer. He needs a job, an education, and some goals in life otherwise he is headed down a dangerous road.

I understand if you haven't been the best mom in the past, but now it's time to pick up the slack. I also realize it is extremely hard to control a 22 year old male. He either needs some motivation or some tough love (or both). Maybe you should give him a month and tell him he that it's not acceptable for him to be loafing around your house at his age and that he needs to get a job. Maybe if it comes down to getting a job, saving money, and contributing to the household or being out on his own without any parental support, he will take the right path and find work and save money. I would have a serious talk with him about how his future is at stake, how you want to see him do well for himself and you believe he can, and you are willing to help him out, but he needs to put some effort into it.

Good luck!

Answer 3

22 year old daughter here! And I have (unfortunately) moved back home.

I lost my job because of a back injury (can't wait tables if you can't lift anything) and I'm between work right now. I start grad school and teaching this fall, but I'm planning on living at home most of that time. It's not my perfect choice, but with all my medical bills, my car payment, and student loans... it would be really (REALLY) helpful.

Your son, however, doesn't sound like he's doing anything or that there's any reason for him to be doing nothing but hanging out at your house. So... my suggestion for you is to sit down and have a long talk with your son. Find out what his expenses are (car, cell phone, movies, whatever) and have him write up a list for what he spends money on. Look it over. If there isn't a huge expense (I'm thinking my medical bills here!) then tell him that he has 2 months to find a job and a place to live. If there is a large expense, tell him he has 1 month to find a job, but he can live with you for another 6 months. It doesn't have to be a good job, or even something that he wants to do. But he has to have one, and he has to find a place to live... or he'll be kicked out on the street. Stand firm. Just because you made mistakes doesn't mean that your son can stay in his "fifteen-year-old-responsiblity" phase.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Whether or not you've been a good mother is pretty irrelevant at this point. A 22 year old man needs to have a job or be enrolled in school. Sit him down and tell him that you love him very much, but he is not helping himself by sitting around and doing nothing. Tell him that beginning in mid-August (one month from now), he will need to pay XX amount for rent, utilities, and food. If he is unwilling to do so, then he will need to find other living accomodations. Ask him how you can help in finding work (drive him to get applications, help him create a resume, etc).
If you feel guilty about taking money from him for his room/board, you can save it and use it to buy him things he will need to set up a household when he gets his own place. Good luck.

Answer 5

He's 22, does he have luggage? If so, pack his bag(s) full of clothes and tell him to get a job, get in school because the money train is over. Let him know if he is going to live in your house, he'll be paying for 1/2 the bills, food, electric, cable/dish, gas, water, etc. I bet you can do without certain foods that only he eats and I'm guessing he never buys any of the food he eats. I'm certain you can go without tv (cable,dish) a lot longer than he can. And if you have to, you can always cut the internet off and go to the library to use the internet.

You could move his stuff into storage and change the locks. That might be too tough too soon.

Let him know that you have expectations of repayment or contributing to the household goods.

Its easier for a guy to say this because we didn't carry him for 9months and care for him when he was sick, but he is an adult. Its time to put away childish toys and behaviors.

Answer 6

Give him an ultimatum. He has 1 month to find a job and start paying rent to you, or he can sleep on the street. Now for the hard part... Follow Through. Really mean it and really do it. You weren't the best Mom to him before so be a great 1 now. Teach him to provide for and take responsibility for himself. And teach him that if he doesn't he takes the consequences. It is a hard lesson for both of you, but will make him a better person in the end.

Answer 7

I do have to ask what's up with the nubile avatar too? 22? I really don't know if this is all that old. If he is in college then . . .It's so easy to go to college especially community col. and just further extend one's social life and not even entertain the desire or intention of acquiring a job. My mom was all salivating thinking that although she was **** as a mother that suddenly miraculously no one would ever know and she was gonna bypass that and skip over that and reap the rewards of a marginally dedicated, loyal mother/parent. I was getting my BA but had no intention of ever working because I hated her and felt she owed me anything she had the capacity to offer . . . and the only thing she had to offer was money so I sure the hell was gonna get that. I went ahead and got a second BA and started a MA before I moved out just to drive her crazy . . .because all she wanted was for me to work. Hey . . she never worked on being a mother and hardly on making a living. She just got money from her dad and alienated us from the rest of her family because they resented hyer for the money from her dad that they didn't get. I remember as a child her just throwing a whole orange in a clear produce bag ( or leaving it in the bag that it came in) and then two heels of toast (suprised she toasted it sometimes) with peanut butter and jelly (by the way we weren't broke, she just thought she could get away with this and didn't give a F), and then maybe a banana too, or some ridiculous embarassing thing. It was just embarassing . . .and insulting. You know . . other kids would have lunchboxes or at least browm paper bags. I think even one or couplke times she used a big grocery paper bag and just folded it down some . . . she should be hung. That's all. I mean how ridiculous. She would just act like it was ok. It was like I was her voice for "crying out for help". I just think that she wanted teachers to notice and go offer her some assistance or something. Or she just wanted people to know that although she had 2 kids . . she was still too sophisticated to be bothered with them . . and she was BEYOND really having kids. Only problem was . . . she ALREADY HAD them. She is still a C*nt. J*st waiting for her to die.

Answer 8

Easy fix.. tell him he has 30 days to get a job and to start paying rent if he's going to live there.. tell him he has to pay his share of the bills according to how many people live in the house if theres 3 then he has to pay 1/3 of all house hold bills.. if he doesnt get a job after 30 days, u formally with written notice evict him from your house, no matter what u can only legally evict him with a 30 day legal notice.. then boot him out.. Tough love , he eventually needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet..

Answer 9

I wish I knew sweetie; my brother is 26 and still lives at home and refuses to even help around the house…much less get a job. Proof once again that I got all the good genes.
Best I can tell you is to start cutting him off. Take away everything but his bed and one change of clothes. Feed him cheap food. When he complains, tell him that you’re only required to provide the basics until he turns 18 and that he’s lucky that you’re doing it at age 22. Tell him if he wants more to go get a job and provide for himself.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Have you seen "Failure to Launch"?!! Good movie!! Anyway, seriously, I would tell him to get off his *** and do something with his life! He needs to do something constructive. Get a job, go to school, what ever. Give him a time frame of how long he has to find a job and a place to live-(I don't know if you're willing to help him financially with getting his own place to live). Maybe that will get him motivated! Tell him: if you don't have a job, you better have another place to live by such and such a time, because I expect you and all you're things to be out of my house! I know it may sound cruel, but you're not helping him become a mature, responsible adult letting him live off of you, and he isn't learning anything from this if something happens to you-then what is he going to do?!?!? Put your foot down and tell him what he needs to do! You don't deserve this, and in some ways, neither does he...

Answer 11

I know you love your son, but at a point you need to give him some tough love or he may live with you free and clear until he is 30 or 40. I sit him down and lay down the law. Tell him he needs to help out at home (draft up a list) and finances by getting a job. Give him a deadline to make a turnaround. If he doesn't commit, then tell him he will need to find other home at that time.