How can I tell my mother...?

Question

she needs diapers? (DEPENDS) She has Alzheimer's, but she is in total denial. My father is living, in mentally perfect condition, and taking good care of her. But I feel like someone needs to tell her before she ruins every piece of furniture left in their house! Not to mention the horrible odor she carries with her. I need to tell you when she was normal, she was very clean. Now, she showers once a week (not often enough), and wears the same clothes for a week. (Showers and changes on Sunday for church.) I'm disgusted, but I DO understand. I don't want to hurt her, but... Please no sarcasm. This is a serious issue, and I will just ignore sarcastic statements.

Answer 1

i am a cna and my grandmother has alzheimers too. we put her on a "potty schedule" we remind her every 1 1/2 to 2 hrs to go to the bathroom and that works fairly well. maybe you could use posie pads instead of depends. they are not as bulky and wont make her feel like she is wearing a dipar. you can also get dispsable pads or washable tri-pads for the furniture they are "water proof" as far as the bathing goes, alot of people with alz. are afraid or confused by water. explain to her STEP BY STEP what you are doing while you are helping her with her shower and try to get her to take one in the morning instead of at night just in case she has sundowner too. try giving her a choice " mom do you want to take a shower before breakfast or after?" maybe a bath would be better. some people dont realize that alz. is like going back to childhood. sometimes you have to treat them like a child.
another thing u might considder is pull ups for adults. take all of her underwear out of her drawers and replace them with pull ups they look like underware and you cant even tell they have them on. you could also have her use baby wipes with NO ALCOHOL make sure you check her to see if she developes a rash and DO NOT FLUSH THEM!! they have no water washes at walmart that u could use if you cant get her to take a bath.
use a shower chair and try to avoid getting water in her face

i really could go on and on but i think i have touched the basics if you have any other questions or just need to vent please feel free to email me at [e-mail] i understand your frustration and i would be glad to help you in any way i can!! alzheimers is a very hard disease to cope with and unfortunutly it doesnt get any easier

good luck!!

Answer 2

I use to be a certified nurses aide in a nursing home and my best friend use to care for an elderly lady with Alzheimer's disease. So, I understand where you're coming from. I would just sit down with her and tell her very nicely that she really needs to start wearing the undergarment pads in her underwear-that there's nothing to be ashamed of-and just tell her that if she doesn't, she will end up ruining all the furniture in her home and she just needs to wear them. You and your dad should probably discuss this with her together though. Let her know you love her and you're only telling her this because you want her to keep clean and fresh, and also not ruin the furniture because of her not using them...she will understand, I'm sure. It just has to be hard on her to have to deal with this, being able to go to the bathroom one minute and then wearing depends the next. She may feel insulted or humiliated-try not to make her feel that way. Give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Good luck!

Answer 3

If she has Alzheimer's she probably won't remember you telling her. I don't know what stage she is in, but the odds are she isn't going to remember it. Having a routine is essential for these patients. They tend to do better. Have your dad try to get her to put them on in the morning. He could even put them on himself,and if she asked why he was doing that, then he could tell her something like, "Hon, you know how it is when you get older, we all have a little leakage problem. Here, you try them, they aren't so bad." Then if you get her in the routine of doing it, she won't mind. But do not under any circumstances confront her.Alzheimer patients have a tendency to not take confrontation well.( Bear in mind that all are different, but for the most part these patients tend to be violent.) Never grab the arms, or come up behind them. You need to read everything you can about the disease. Unfortunately, you are in for a rough time. And be careful about having your father take care of her. He will need help. I have seen to many spouses that they themselves have gotten sick, because it is very very hard to deal with this day in and day out.

Answer 4

All you can do is lovingly tell her the truth. You'll really have to push her to use them.

Most Alzheimer's patients (depending on how advanced the disease is) have significant periods of time when they're lucid and fully aware.

Chances are, she has an idea of whats happening, but just can't do anything about it. Try and catch her in one of those "good times" and explain it to her briefly and clearly. You can't beat around the bush with an Alzheimer's patient.

And God bless you for sticking with her in this hard time. My grandmother had Alzheimer's, so I know its very hard.

Answer 5

Hmmm well...thats hard...I haven't ever really been around people with alzheimers but I'll try to answer as best I can.

You don't want to hurt her feelings....Just be direct and gentle. I don't know enough about her to say anything other than that. Make sure she knows that you aren't telling her because you want to ridicule her but because you care about her well being and don't want her to get sick from making messes(different wording?) all over her home. Or if she won't listen, you could just sneak into her room and switch all of her underwear for depends? I'm serious please don't take that as sarcastic I'm being sincere. ok I hope you work it out. I'll pray for you

Answer 6

Alzheimer's doesn't mean people are "stupid" they just forget things or stop caring much about themself. You should try to explain by showing up the issues and maybe play with tricks like calling her / visiting her and reminding her that she said she wanted to take a shower / change etc. That way she wont feel insulted and just thinks that she would want to do it anyways and you reminded her :) Works great with our neigbour

Answer 7

Does your town have a Visiting Nurse Association? Or something similar? They can set it up to come in like every other day or maybe more often and take care of all the hygeine issues...plus they may have ideas for you to help you talk to her.

Answer 8

I would sit her down and j tell her. Buy a package of Depends and tell her nicely to start using them. Show her how nice and sanitary they are and they will keep her clean and fresh. Even offer to put one on yourself as she puts one on her. This maybe the breaking point for her realization of needing them.
Good Luck and God Bless you and family.

Answer 9

look Ur the only person who can help out Ur mom .if u can manage it all alone pls do it.if u really need somebodies help it should be your dad.exercises,good nutritional diet it can slow down the disease.Ur love towards her should be max.you can find lots of information on the net.
good luck.take care

Answer 10

this is kinda hard but u need to keep it real wit her.Or at least b nice when ur telling her...if u do.If u think it's too hard then maybe ask ur dad if he could do it for u.Maybe u could tell him what to say.Good luck and hope this helps!!!