Got Jokes?

Question

Can Anyone Tell Me Some GOOD jokes? I need something that will actually make me laugh.

Answer 1

No Spikka Inglish

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the

following
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In

this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex

lives....
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm ajusta

tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

>I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!







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Answer 2

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-****."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced men do not lie.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Answer 3

a bit long but hey try it thats reading it not lituarally

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.

The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

Answer 4

A man tells his Blonde wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.
"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Answer 5

How do you get ten dead babies into a tupperware container?

blender.

How do you get them out?

tostitos.

Answer 6

YA SURE..I HOPE U WILL LIKE IT AND LAUGH..OK
ONCE THERE WAS TWO ATOM WALKING TO GTHER..AND ONE OF THEM SAY..YAR( FRIEND)..I THINK I HAVE LOST ONE OF MY ELECTRONS..HAAHAHAHAAHAHAH.......LAUGH..IF NOT ..ITS OK..BUT ALWAYS KEEP SMILING.........FOR BEAUTIFUL LIFE...

Answer 7

hi hahaha

Answer 8

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/fartingcat.html

Answer 9

why r black people so tall???
cuz there nee-grows

Answer 10

Don't we all?