I think my aunt may be overstepping some boundry with my kids?

Question

My aunt has always been a important part of my life, like a mother. But she did always say bad things about my mother. Now with my kids she is always telling me what Im doing wrong and how behind everyone elses kids my kids are and why it's my fault. Ive even heard herself accidently call herself mom a few times and Im wondering am I worried over nothing and she's just being a aunt or is she going to trash me to my kids like she did with my mom, and if so should that bother me or should I just ignore her

Answer 1

I would make boundries right now, because it doesn't sound like you have any at all! Tell her that these are YOUR children, and if she wants to be a part of their lives at all, she needs to respect that you are their mother, and she is not! You need to get a backbone quick, before you lose them! I am VERY SERIOUS about this! Something similar happened to me, and now it's really too late for me to do anything abou it!
Also, just a question...does she have any kids, or did she just raise you?

Answer 2

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm assuming that you are female, because an average guy would taken care of that aunt years ago.

You are the ultimate authority for your children. Everything else is advice, you can take it or leave it and you can take or leave her unless she lives with you.

If she doesn't live with you, tell her in a polite way to shut her yap. Unless she is an expert in child development, tell her you don't appreciate the negativity around YOUR children.

If she lives with you, be nicer, but still let her know her negativity is effecting the children's behavior and mental development.

Raising kids is difficult enough and there is plenty of literature on child rearing. Establish your authority as the parent and have the aunt do what you want when it comes to your children or hit the road. There is no arguing the fact that you are the parent and ultimate authority of the children. So you don't have to request her cooperation, you just tell her this is what you want done if she wants to take part in being an effective aunt.

Answer 3

She may not have any negative intent, but her behaviour and her words are affecting you and that will affect your children.

You must make a list of things that you and only you know of or saw or heard her do that's a problem.

Calling yourself mom in error is not a problem - all mom's do it at some point.

Berating you or saying your kids are not up to snuff is not good.

Once you compile your list, you must ask her to sit with you - alone - no interruptions and tell her this is what I see and hear and read a few things from the list - not the whole list as it's likely unnecessary.

Then tell her that this behaviour is offensive and hurtful and you need her to explain it to you and you need it to stop.

Filter all of your words with love and how huge a part of your life she has been and you don't want to lose that.

Good luck, I hope all goes well.

Answer 4

Your aunt needs boundaries. If she's doing all of this in front of you, imagine what she is doing/saying when you are not there. Remind her that YOU are the parent and that you will teach your children about life from your perspective...not hers. Children have enough negative influences nowadays, they don't need it from family. I have learned that insecure people tend to put other people down to make themselves feel better. Maybe you could display the following on your fridge or in your children's room. It will be good advice for them...and it may have your aunt rethinking her conversations. I'm assuming her children grew up perfect?

Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.

If you are concerned about your parenting skills, take a parenting class. There are free classes in most communities...even if it is taught at Children Protective Services. Then you can tell your aunt that you appreciate her concern, but that you have a formal education on how to raise children.

Please remember these things. Children do not come with instructions. If you are doing the very best that you can, then you should consider yourself a good mother. If you could do better with help, then ask for it from professionals. The less you ask family for advice, the less criticism you'll have to take from them.

BUT...DO NOT IGNORE HER! This is YOUR life, and YOUR children. If you don't deal with this now, she will continue with her negative influence and it will eat you alive. Her negative influence is damanging your children.

Answer 5

Your Aunt should not be saying bad things about you to your kids. You are not one of those dead beat moms are you? You have the kids but expect everyone else to raise them?
If you are not like that then aunt needs to chill, because the more trash she tells your kids the harder it's going to be for you to be the mother. Sounds like your aunt talks bad about everyone, can she walk on water too. She needs to chill, let her know you value her and her opinion but also let her know you are the mom.

Answer 6

Oh no sugar Iam an aunt and I would never do what your aunt is doing. She needs to let you be the mother and stay out of your business. Do not just ignore this confront her and tell how that makes you feel and tell her to back off.

Answer 7

possibly enable her have her relaxing. If she seems to be overstepping the mark inclusive of your toddler, her first grandchild as you're saying, then you ought to set some obstacles, inclusive of your better 1/2 taking the lead. notwithstanding, possibly she will be able to instruct to be a actual godsend as a grandmother and also you ought to locate her help as a grandmother and babysitter is solid. also, why couldn't she babysit at her position in the course of the day? And if you're over at her position, you received't favor to take a lot equipment if she already has some there. possibly that's extra her exhilaration than assuming she will be able to be having your toddler stay in one day lots. She sounds slightly finished on, yet you do not say something the following about her taking section in video games, attempting to go back between you and your better 1/2 etc. possibly she will be able to be a doting grandmother and develop your toddler's existence, even although you locate her slightly too finished on. i'd say confer inclusive of your better 1/2 about it and not in any respect problem about it at the moment, in simple terms imagine about the alluring toddler and your household. possibly you and your better 1/2 can talk about the thanks to administration her in all probability enthusiasm once you're homestead from the hospital - useful techniques she can assist and experience in touch, yet in techniques that are a lot less annoying for you e.g. invite her over to take the toddler for a stroll besides as are available and function a cup of tea or a meal, take a seat and watch the toddler inclusive of your better 1/2 even as you've a relax, no longer ring at certain situations of the day once you're resting or in all probability to be busy, the three of you visit for a touch will at her position then flow homestead etc. i imagine get your better 1/2 to confer with MIL even if that's needed even as the toddler comes alongside. solid success and congratulations.

Answer 8

Set ground rules now! Don't let her bully you and tell you how to raise your kids. don't let your kids see her treat you this way and don't let your kids hear her speak ill of anyone in your family. This will only lead to problems. This is coming from experience!!!! If your kids see that other adults around you don't treat you with respect then they will not treat you with respect as well. Good luck

Answer 9

Tell her you appreciate the advice but there are some things that you have to learn by yourself. Does she have children?I'm sure she wasn't a perfect parent in the begining. I'm sure she has good intentions but you need to show her were the line is. Good luck!!!

Answer 10

A leopard never changes its spots. You need to give you Aunt a time out.