just lookin for some jokes.. i'd like a laugh rite about now!! thanks!!!
2006-07-10 14:32:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
o ya.. any type of joke is great!!
2006-07-10 14:38:34 · update #1
A man is opening a resturant & he asks one of his workers 2 come up with a name 4 it. The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the reaturant after the first thing that Al sees when he goes out the door.
Al walks outside & the first thing that he saw was a girl named Lucy & he saw her legs. He told the man, & so the resturant was named Lucy's Legs. The man was so impressed that he went the next day so Al could get a free drink.
The next day Al comes a bit early & a policeman walks by & notice Al waiting there. The policeman asks, "What r u doing"?
Al says, "Im waiting 4 lucy's legs 2 open so I can get a drink".
2006-07-10 15:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Warning: If you don't like George Bush you'll LOVE this joke. Otherwise, don't read it.
President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes (4th grade). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If an American Air Force plane, carrying Mr. Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss."
And on a related note: During the election (G. B. vs J. K.), I was at Wendy's. There was a sticker on the door that said: BUSH LIES! WHO DIES?. Then this old lady went up to the sticker and scratched it off with her nail. It was SOOO funny!
2006-07-10 22:26:53 · answer #2 · answered by Colin C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was this woman who was having problems with her sex life.
She was not getting enough sex from her man so she went to see a sex therapist.
After explaining her problem the doctor gave her a pill to slip in her boyfriend's drink next time they had dinner and he assured her she would be in for a great time.
The next day the doctor called her up and asked how she went, and the girl said everything was perfect except for one thing.
"Well, what was that?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I slipped the tablet into his drink at dinner and then he went wild, he grabbed me and kissed me and touched me like never before, then he pushed everything off the table and we made wild passionate steamy love right there on the dinner table. It was the best ever!"
The doctor then asked, "Then what is your problem?
"I don't think we'll be welcome at McDonald's anymore."
2006-07-11 05:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little boy is visiting his grandparents and decides to go talk to his grandfather.
"Grandpa, are you going to die?"
The grandpa laughs and says, "Of course I am, but you're right. I think my time is getting close. Every night when I get up to use the bathroom, God turns the light on for me."
The little boy is amazed and runs to go tell his grandmother.
"Grandma! Did you know that when Grandpa goes to the bathroom during the night, God turns on the light for him?"
The grandmother says, "That fool! I told him to stop peeing in the refridgerator!"
2006-07-10 21:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
2006-07-10 21:39:10 · answer #5 · answered by Brown skin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A husband and wife about 80 are sitting on the sofa watching their daily soaps......the old man gets up and crabs his cane and slowly makes his way to the door....grabs his coat and hat.....his wife says.."Where are you going?" he says.."I'm going to the doctor." She says why your not sick...he says "I think I'm going to go up there and get on that Viagra stuff." Well she gets up and slowly makes her way to the door and grabs her coat and he says "Where are you going?" She says "with you" he replies "why your not sick" she says" well i thought if you get Viagra and start using that rusty Ole' thing i might need to get a tetanus shot!" lol
2006-07-10 21:47:26 · answer #6 · answered by hamc322 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 GUYS WALK INTO A BAR.......WHAT HAPPENS???
THEY ORDER PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT JOKE IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-10 22:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Brandon R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋