My mom left when I was 3 I'm 18 now and I just recently learned she wants to be a part of my life again. I'm torn part of me wants to run to her and pretend nothing ever happend and yet on the other I just wanna go off on her for walking out on me and dad. Any advice at all would be appreciated
2006-07-10 14:31:57 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There's a lot of choices people make in their lives that haunt them forever. (I know this personally) And we always wish we could go back and change things. But that's not possible, what is, is the choice to rectify the choices we've made if there's a chance. I guess the question would be if you choose to turn your back on your mother will this be a choice fifteen years from now you wish you could go back and change. What lies before you is an opportunity. And if you don't take it this time do you believe you will have it again?
2006-07-10 14:39:33 · answer #1 · answered by ecrof_riae 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel. My dad left when I was 7. My mom was the only person I had. As I got older I realized that sometimes you have to take that first step. I hated my dad for the longest but I was causing more harm to myself. Sometime you have to be the bigger person and say you know what you did was wrong but I forgive you. Forgive. It will be hard to forget because I am now 24 and when I talk to my dad about the hurt he has caused I start to break down. I tried to be hard and cold and not show any emotions but I was building a ticking bomb to go off and explode on someone or something else who really don't deserve it. Be grateful for the fact that she wants to be part of you life. My dad missed so much of my life it is hard for him to get any of those special times back. Don't pretend nothing happened. When you are strong enough sit down and talk. This will be the hardest and most painful conversation but I promise you it is worth it.
2006-07-10 14:41:33 · answer #2 · answered by cl_chevis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't not know - but you need to be ready to look past your own feelings and try and understand hers. This could be the opportunity for some special reconciliation, the kind that eases your mind and makes the horror of your childhood just a memory. But it could also be a cry for help from your mother, who might be thinking that this will ease her suffering, without consideration of what you've gone through.
I think the best way to proceed is to find a counselor who is experienced in this sort of reunion strife and spend some time understanding the pitfalls. Also, have your mother go to the same person. This will help both of you find a common ground, with an professional intermediary guiding you through the process.
Some counselors provide services on a sliding fee, if money's a problem. Also, school or health insurance referrals could help to defer the costs. If you're in college, most schools have psych counseling centers that could serve as a resource.
Best of luck!
2006-07-10 14:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by Lonnie J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breathe and look at the big picture. Write down the reasons why you should see her and reasons why you shouldn't. If you do meet be sure to politely express your feelings about her leaving the family. If your anything like me you will forever think about her if you dont meet her. But you have to weigh it out first, this is a big decision that will change your life. Be prepared for what could happen or what she might say. By the way how does your father feel about this? Good Luck
2006-07-10 14:37:46 · answer #4 · answered by Jody O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you were age three when she left, I'm sure you don't know the whole story of what really happened and what she was going through at that time. Apparently she's been hurting a very long time because of her decision. I think she deserves the opportunity to attempt to be a part of your life. You have nothing to lose. Besides, you have the final decision. Try it. You might be glad you did.
2006-07-10 14:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Dave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that old saying, "You can't pick your relatives"? ... it's sad but true, but what is also true, is that no family is PERFECT, and we are all guilty of doing or saying things to hurt others, and I guess, after all these years separation from your mother, if you feel you can continue without her, it's your decision, and one you'll live with, and perhaps regret later, still, it's your decision.... no one can walk in someone elses shoes and know exactly what happened and why, who may be to blame or isn't to blame..... I'd recommend putting the past behind you and start building a new relationship with your mother.... if you have children, or want children, they will be sad not knowing much about their "roots" (family history) other than the one-sided version you give them, however painful it may be... dont' let it destroy the relationship your kids could have with their grandma, you might just want to sit her down and just listen to her storey without interuption, if you think you can forgive her go for it, but if you can't tell her what you think and ask her to leave. The decision is yours...good luck.
I hope this helps....
Don
2006-07-10 14:43:10 · answer #6 · answered by McCloud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for her to want to be a mom when you're all grown up. She can't just walk in after missing so many years with you and expect to wanna be a part of your life again. There's so much about you that she doesn't know about. That's just my opinion though. I feel that way cause I haven't seen my dad in 4 years, and when my parents were still married, I didn't even feel like he knew me. it's your decision to make though, not any of these yahoo bums.
2006-07-10 14:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by Becky Jo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did your Mom leave you in the first place? was it for a good reason? Was there any reason why she left at all? Do you still love her? Do you have what it takes to forgive her? I believe you need to look deep inside yourself and ask these questions to yourself. But please this is a serious question ask someone you know will help you and cares about you and i suggest even asking a professional this is a very deep question that should not be taken lightly. But try not to worry or stress out about it whatever you do. God bless you :)
2006-07-10 14:38:08 · answer #8 · answered by deadly_nightshade5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can be a part of your life, but she can't ever have that mother-daughter bond you only get from the person who raised you.
I would take things slowly, and form a new relationship with her, maybe even a friendship between two adult women.
Be honest about your feelings, both positive and negative; don't sweep them under the rug for the sake of family harmony.
2006-07-10 14:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can make such stupid mistakes when we're young. She was much younger then and has lived this many years probably hating herself for her actions and has taken a long time to build the courage and strength to finally contact you. I am not a professional, but if it were me, I'd give my mother another chance and explain to her how difficult this is for you. Lay all your cards out on the table and set some parameters if necessary. You never know how you might feel if anything were to happen to her and you had never given her the chance to make things right for the present and future.
2006-07-10 14:37:12 · answer #10 · answered by Captiv Ateyou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋