My mom and I fight alot, she calls me names, and makes fun of me for not having a boyfriend, saying I'm too fat or ugly to get one. Ever since I turned 18 we have been fighting and she says she doesn't care if I was to die. Then other times, its like we're best friends, how do I ignore her painful insults, I figure, she's my mother, if she thinks that about me, what must the other people in this world think, some advice would be helpful right now, because I don't know how to boost myself up after she gets done with me.
2006-07-10 14:15:59 · 17 answers · asked by CherokeeAngel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dealing with it yourself - it would really help if you can find a "place" to retreat to - somewhere, possibly physically, but most important inside yourself where you can shut your eyes and think of all the good things in your life. Think about things you like, think about friends, even think about the good times with your mom. It's key not to dwell on the negative.
Dealing with your mom - try to understand where she's coming from. She's probably got a vision for you, some really good things that she hopes you'll accomplish. She wants good stuff for you, in the end. But she's very frustrated that it's not happening. Some people are weak and don't deal with frustration well. She DOES care - but when it seems like nothing is going right for her dream of greatness for you, she lashes out and sometimes says mean things. The best thing you can do is try to see what she wants, and talk about that with her. At 18, there may be still some things you can agree on. But you've got to also (CALMLY) talk to her about you being your own person now, with your own goals and visions and capabilities.
Finally - learn from this. Someday you might have a daughter, and you might want good things for her. One of the saddest things in society is that negative habits and traits carry on from one generation to the next. Resolve now NOT to be like that if you have a daughter. Decide now that you're going to be understanding and gentle as you try to lead her to good things. Decide now to be a positive role model and coach, not a screamer who tears her down. Make a change, make a difference - you can do it!
Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.
2006-07-10 14:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by dougdell 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your Mom has some serious self-esteem issues of her own if she's that brutal and disrespectful to you. Its possible that you chose to follow a path in your life that's different that what she would have done (if she had a second chance to live her life over again).
Its entirely possible that she's actually very jealous of you and the things that you've done in your life and insults you as a way to make herself feel better. Just because she's your Mom, that doesn't mean that she's not a person with insecurities and "issues" of her own.
Just because she's your mother, that doesn't mean that she's a nice person... being a parent doesn't instantly turn a person into a "good" person. Try to think about the NICE things that she's said about you in your life (and the nice things that other people say) and focus on them rather than latching onto the negative comments. :-)
2006-07-10 14:26:18 · answer #2 · answered by LSG 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom left when I was 3 so I'm not sure i'm a good person to get advice from. First tell your mom EXACTLY how you feel about the way she treats you. Let her know you wanna be a part of her life but, you will no longer submit yourself to her Verbal abuse and mean it. If she loves you she should be more than willing to change. If she refuses or gives you mouth about it WALK AWAY and make her come to you if she wants contact and it better come with an apology and a promise. GOOD LUCK!!! This might sound lame but for better or worse at least you still have your mom.
2006-07-10 14:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't know what ur religious standing is but if you believe in God maybe you should pray for your mom. If you don't believe then u should try talking to your mom. sometimes it could help. does she know that the things she says hurts you and has u questioning yourself? Sometimes people are so cold that they don't see and understand that they are wrong. Also you have to remember that your life standing does not depend on other people. I don't think anyone has sworn your mom in as the representative of the nation. You have to love yourself. Don't worry about getting a boyfriend because a man is not the completing factor of a wo-man the completing factor is to have love for who you are. You count as a person and that is one thing that you should remember think about this everytime an argument comes along and then use your feet to be the bigger person and walk away.
2006-07-10 14:42:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a pretty abusive thing for a mother to say. Coming from similar circumstances, I don't really know how to answer you. The only way I got through my time at home was to remember that parents do the best they can with the tools they have and sometimes...they just suck at parenting. That doesn't mean they're always right in what they say. Don't let your mother's abusive behavior affect how you see yourself.
2006-07-10 14:21:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get away from her. It is not right for her to treat you this way..There is absolutely no laws that says you have to endure this type of behavior it is verbal abuse and it is wrong. Obviously when she gets upset her true feelings come out.. You can try to talk to her when she is OK and ask her why she talks to you this way at times and other times she is so nice. I hope this helps...If not find another relative that you can stay with...or someone that you feel close with and do not have to wonder if they are gonna change in the next minute.
2006-07-10 14:21:42 · answer #6 · answered by ♫†☼☼♥Natasha♥☼☼†♫ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW, it is so hard to believe that a mother would be like that to a child. First, wait until you are buddy, buddy and then tell her. The things that she says when she is angry really hurt your heart. Explain how they make you feel. Use that time to actually communicate. From the sounds of things it will not make it any worse than it is. Good luck to you and God Bless.
2006-07-10 14:24:22 · answer #7 · answered by Joseph L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie,don't worry so much about it,your mom is probably frustrated about life,when she gets like that just leave the house ccause of corse she'll let it all out with you,it doesn't give your mother the right to do that just because she brought you to this world,make her realize that all you have in this world is each other.When she tells you those ugly things just walk away and don't listen,God made us all beautiful and belive me your are one make sure you stay beautiful inside.Wish you the best of everything to come your young and you have lots to experiense in life,enjoy it...
2006-07-10 14:45:44 · answer #8 · answered by DiamondsR4grls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm. I had a lot of problems with my mom too.... I didn't really get down too much, because I just stayed away from her as much as I could. And I found my friends' moms were really good to hang around with! but that's a sad sort of solution, though it worked fine for me...
2006-07-10 14:20:11 · answer #9 · answered by jarm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to her. Some parents just don't like their children or are jealous of their children. My best friend's mom used to say stuff like that to her, till I told her that she was destroying her daughter mentally and I wasn't going to stand for it. Sometimes it just takes someone outside to step in.
If your mom is anything like my friend's mom, its because your beautiful and she is really ugly.
2006-07-10 14:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by Alex LaCroix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋