how do you know what u really want?

Question

i dont know what i want in life, i want to be happy but im really selfish and keep hurting myself and others, help!

Answer 1

Wow, have we met? Are you my twin or something? Hey when you find the answer, let me know!

Answer 2

First, do an inventory of your situation.

Why are you selfish? How does being selfish serve you? Some people are selfish because they are afraid if they don't take care of themselves, nobody will. Sometimes the selfish person feels like if he gives, he will have none. Actually, the opposite is true. It may seem scary at first, but the more you give, the more you will have. Love, and you will be loved. Praise and encourage others, and you will feel better about yourself.

How do you hurt yourself and others? Why do you do it? Probably, you do it out of a fear-based internal economy. Hurting others can be a way to disarm them before they hurt you. Or, maybe, in a twisted way, you hurt others because you are afraid that somehow you might otherwise disappoint them if you tried and failed to please them.

It's up to you to discern your own motives for your behavior; and that can be tricky, because our subconscious mind hides things from our conscious mind to protect the ego. Spend time with people you feel you can trust and respect. Spend time with people you admire. And don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone struggles.

For happiness, invest in yourself (not indulge yourself!). Take a course in something that interests you. Get a job with someone you like. Make small efforts to make better decisions. Think before you speak-- say what you mean, mean what you say. Act in a way that honors your higher self. Most importantly, cultivate a trust in life. Trust that life is good, that there is enough, that things will get better, and when problems come up, you'll get past them.

Been there.

Answer 3

Being selfish doesn't necessarily mean hurting yourself and others. You can be selfish by wanting to have someone give you the loving compassion of a good friendship, but the only way you can get that is by treating that other person the same way. So don't equate the two. It's possible (at least as a first step) to selfishly care about someone else. The point is to move beyond selfish care and actually start to care for unselfish reasons...

Across almost all of mankind, an ethic of reciprocity has been hailed as a good starting point for morality. Confucious said it, Socrates and Plato said it, the ancient Egyptian's said it, Jews said it and Jesus repeated and emphasized it -- everyone. So start with "Do only that to others which you would have them do to you"... and work from there.

Answer 4

no one knows what they want usually. Being happy is a point of view.

Being selfish however is a different story.

Try this on for a week or so:
Try to make everyone else happy.
Put your own wants aside and be a martyr.

You might find that making other people happy will do the same to you. Plus other people will be more willing to make you happy as well.

Answer 5

Seek and you will find. We are all selfish, and that is OK. We don't stop being selfish because we decide to, we learn to turn our selfish behaviour to help other people. This is called a win-win situation. That your asking this question is good, it means you are starting to see a problem and you want to fix it. Now you must gather info (as you are doing here) and start to find solutions. I must say also that your question rings of addiction. In your search your might want to go to some AA meetings to see if there are some answers for you there. Good luck and remember everyone is in this situation, and the people that find peace and happiness keep working to find answers and acceptance.

Answer 6

Seeing a therapist can be surprisingly helpful. Sitting and thinking can be surprisingly helpful. Running around in circles can be surprisingly helpful.

In other words, everyone has to find their own way, and there is no one path to figuring it out. If there were, everyone would take it and everyone would know what they wanted.

My suggestion is to just try as many different things as you possibly can with your life. Doing the same things over and over will never give you any progress. Take a trip, talk a walk, take a bike ride. Climb a mountain, join a club, learn a new skill. Eventually you will stumble upon something you absolutely love, everything will fall into place, and your life will finally make sense.

Don't give up, and don't let yourself fall into a rut. My personal philosophy is to always be trying something new and different, and it has helped me become a much happier person.

Answer 7

Everyone finds their own happiness from within themselves. It is not something we can attain in any other way. You have to just be who you are and accept this despite what anyone else may think. Respect though their opinion to disagree. It is agreeable to be disagreeable. Once you can just accept all the good, bad, and indifferent in your life and allow it to be done and over. Place all those negatives behind you and start fresh, you will find your happiness. You will feel more centered and you can stop fighting the inner turmoil.

Answer 8

Part of growing up, then living a full life.

I expect the biggest problem is, as you have already found, SELFISHNESS.

To get ones mind off self and on to something creative just could be what is required.

Creative could include helping others - Cubs, Scouts, Hospital, Church, Animal Shelter, etc....... lots a chicks do that too........could meet someone really nice that way.

Answer 9

You will know wot you want out of life when it happens. I dont believe you should plan everything in your life cos more often than not things tend not to go as planned, therefore leading to disappointment. Just take each day as it comes and aim to do at least one thing a day that makes you smile. Look after yourself and love yourself then you will be able to love others and be loved. Be happy!!!!

Answer 10

If we cannot get what we want, let us want what we can get.

- Ancient proverb

To want is to suffer. Instead of presuming to know what is best for our lives, it is better to look around us and be thankful for the air we breathe, for the fact we are even here at all is a gift beyond explanation.

The universe has given you everything you need to be happy. It is the wanting that makes you unhappy. Let go of the wanting and open your eyes to what you already have. Therein you may experience nirvana.

Answer 11

I think that we want many things, and as we grow our wants change so we are always wanting something. That is the easy part. I don't think you can be fully happy though if you don't put your wants aside once in awhile to focus on anothers. Everything you can do for yourself or give to yourself is nothing if you can't do it for someone else. It seems like a lonely road to go down.