He is an alcoholic. When he's not drinking he's fantastic. It's not just a few beers, it's all night in a bar. Plus when he drinks he's a big flirt and ends up treating me like crap. I just leave and go elsewhere. Except the other night he left me in a club to go meet another girl in another club! I walked in on them together at this bar. He looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He swears nothing happened (he didn't come home that night). I do love him, he's said he's finished drinking. This is the worst it's been. How do I deal with this or do I not deal with it and get on with my life?
2006-07-10 10:15:40 · 24 answers · asked by lady_mirianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Like many women, you believe if you just love him enough and show him how you love him, he will change.
He won't. And he won't stop drinking until HE is ready to do. You can convince him to stop, and all the empty promises he makes to stop will just hurt you more when you catch him cheating and/or drinking again.
There are plenty of men out there who will love and respect you and not treat you like crap. The best thing you can do to help both him and yourself is to leave now and don't look back.
Love is supposed to be happy and full of mutual respect. You're miserable. Don't let you self worth be devalued anymore. Leave this man at once.
2006-07-10 10:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the gals are gonna say dump him, but if you love him, perhaps you can deal with it. Love always perseveres except for wimps that run away from problems.
All you do is keep bringing home alcohol, and he will direct that flirty attention to you! Bring home enough for the night that he won't run out and need to go finish off at a bar. You keep serving him drinks, he will stay planted at home, talking to you. And it even works as a truth serum... after a few he will likely start telling you how he really feels, and you will probably find that he loves you a lot more than he lets on... Try it!
2006-07-10 10:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by Besmirched Tea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love this person, encourage him to get some help. However, if I were you, as much as it hurts, I'd probably leave. There is no reason for anyone to treat a person like this. I have an uncle who is an alcoholic and he lives for that second that he can open that beer. It's not pretty and if you choose to stay in this relationship, you are looking at a hard struggle ahead of you. Decide what is best for you and maybe after he decides what it is that he really wants, maybe you two can work things out.
2006-07-10 10:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone can change, it's just a matter of whether they will or won't. Try to be supportive of his decision to quit drinking, i.e. staying home to do alcohol-free events like watching movies or just avoiding the bar scene in general. When you're in a relationship with someone, it has to be a joint effort or it will likely fail. If he proves himself in thought, word and deed, then you have what it is you're looking for. If he continues to say he's going to quit but doesn't cease the asinine behavior, it might be time to move on. An individual changes when s/he wants to, which unfortunately doesn't always coincide with what the other person wants. It takes a lot more strength to pull oneself out of a negative situation than it does to stay in one. Good luck!
2006-07-10 10:26:17 · answer #4 · answered by bijoux7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got to address his problem before anything will change, and you cannot do it for him or make him do it. Tell him you're at the end of your rope, and he's got to stop drinking and get in AA or some other program, and get himself together or you are going to move on without him.
You don't need the stress and anxiety of this, no matter how wonderful he is when he's not drinking, that doesn't make up for his behavior when he does. You may also want to check into Al-Anon for yourself (a support group for family members of alcoholics).
Good luck!
2006-07-10 10:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine is an alcoholic too. I understand. I always try to make plans for somewhere to go without a bar. Dinner and a movie or something like that. He has never left me to go see another girl, and if he did I would leave. You shouldn't have to deal with other girls in the picture. Leave for a while, and see if he changes any. If he loves you as much, he will try to stop or cut back.
2006-07-10 10:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by churppy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all stop taking him to clubs. Unfortunately you cannot help someone who a) does not want to be helped or b) does not admit they have a problem. If he wants to change you can support him by encouraging him to go to AA or other support groups. Alcoholism is not something that can be quit cold turkey with any amount of ease.
If he refuses you need to move on. It won't take much for him to snap in the holds of liquor and smack you silly or worse.
2006-07-10 10:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, tell him he needs help with his alcohol problem and that you are willing to help him in his recovery. Second make sure he stays away from it, because the more he has, the worst it's gonna get. Are you just gonna sit around and do nothing in this situation? Or are you gonna take that stand and finally do something about it. I highly suggest that you do something about the predicament that your in and save this relationship before it's too late.
2006-07-10 10:26:15 · answer #8 · answered by Damac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was the same way, and eventually he became increadibly violent as well...only when he was drinking. otherwise he was fantastic. I tried supporting him, going to AA meetings with him everything, with no positive result. He always just promised he would quit tomorrow. After 2 years of regular physical violence, I ran away and never looked back. I hope for your sake it doesn't turn in to that. Be cautious.
2006-07-10 10:22:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-10 07:34:34 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋