Sometimes I think that I'm way too nice. How can I be more assertive??? I don't want to be a mean person, but I believe that others run over me because I'm a nice girl. Any suggestions?
2006-07-10 09:01:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
I know EXACTLY what you're talking about... I get that a lot too. Just try saying "no" every once in a while if that's how you truly feel. Don't let people take advantage of your kindness... because nice people are rare these days. Don't be afraid to let your personality shine through because that's who you are, but also stand up for yourself and your opinions. Speak up when you want to, becaus eyou deserve to be treated well.
2006-07-10 09:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Being nice is nice, however sometimes you need to be assertive, Don't worry about what others think of you if you say no!!! Sometimes there asking you to do things that are not in your best interest. Use your backbone and you can still be nice and be assertive without being run over and taken advantaged of...
2006-07-10 16:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by 345Grasshopper 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I used to have this problem. wait... i still do... sort of. OK, my point is, I know how you feel. But I've learned to assertive over the years. I got really tired of people walking all over me and using me just because they knew they could get away with it without me doing anything about it. You have to have more courage to stand up for yourself. Know what you want and go get it. Don't let someone "borrow" something from you and not expect to get it back. Money is generally the issue here. There really isn't much you can do for this besides learn from your mistakes. Sooner or later you'll get tired of being mistreated and you'll retaliate. I know I did and it wasn't very pretty. You'll learn to use your own judgement on what is important enough to do something about and what isn't important enough to make a big deal over. But being nice isn't a bad thing. Don't look at it that way. Being the person you are is fine. I'm still the overy-nice person that people know, it's just that now, they know that i won't stand for being taken advantage of. People still tell me all the time that I'm too nice for my own good. but that's just because i'm willing to lend a helping hand, or be a listening ear, or comforting shoulder when and wherever its needed. If it has something to do with money, I will help as long as it's in my ability to, but not without expecting it returned to me. And I now have my ways of ENSURING that my money makes it back to me and people are well aware of it. Like I said, you'll learn with time. Just don't try to be a hard-*** or get all mean on people. You won't like being that way either. trust me. You tend to make a LOT of enemies. Just be yourself, but also know how to stand up for yourself. And that's something only you can decide how to do.
2006-07-10 16:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is true. If you are too nice, people to tend to run over you. Just speak your mind. Don't hold anything back. Of course if people know you as the "nice girl" and you become a complete jerk then they may have a comment about that. Not that you need to be mean, just be strong. You're a woman! You can do it!!
2006-07-10 16:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by amanda725_2000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was the same way - total pushover.
I think the easiest way to start is to Pre-decide some standards for yourself. How you expect to be treated by guys, by your friends, family, employers. What activities you just will not participate in, your personal standards for how you divide your time and money.
Make this code of ethics known, with those around you in casual conversation BEFORE the real decision comes up. That way, when it does come up, it won't be a surprise, you won't be being mean, or prudish. You're just living by your personal code of right and wrong, and anyone who gets mad at you for that is a dirt bag.
That's good practice, But really, lets be honest here. I wanted to please everyone because I put my own value in what other's thought of me. I didn't love or respect myself enough for it to be okay for someone not to like me. Sound familiar? You want other people to start respecting you, you have to set the example for them and respect yourself, because no one else is going to do it.
You have to believe that you deserve to be treated well, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you really do deserve to treated very well. Try reminding yourself of that crucial fact every once in a while, and the backbone will start to come naturally.
2006-07-10 17:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by daisyk 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
If by "too nice" you mean that you do not "stand up for yourself"...
then some people will take advantage of that. It is not being mean
to have boundaries for yourself.
Just ask yourself, if the other person is treating you as you would
treat someone and act accordingly.
2006-07-10 16:08:42 · answer #6 · answered by elcycer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just like you said, assert yourself. If in your mind you think "hey, that's not cool, I don't want you to do that" say it. Don't just think it. There is nothing wrong with saying no.
2006-07-10 16:05:59 · answer #7 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nice, you will grow out of that eventually. It will happen with time and experience. Don't try to change your sweet demeanor, there are not enough nice people as it is.
2006-07-10 16:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would start saying things like "Um, excuse me but, if it's okay with you, I'd like to be assertive for a second. But only if you're cool with it!"
or maybe...
"I know, I know, that's why you're so much smarter and cooler than I am"
That's how I'm assertive.
Good luck!
2006-07-10 16:05:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am the opposite. I wish I could be nice. Its just some people really get on my nerves!
2006-07-10 16:04:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋