Why don't the majority of Americans say "please" or "thank you" for services requested or received?

Answer 1

As an American, I am ashamed of how many in my own culture and country just seem to think they are entitled to everything. Some just have the mistaken idea a person in a service job "owes" them and they do not have an obligation of giving common curtisy to them, by saying "thank you" when a dinner is brought, or a sales person brings more clothes to try on in the fitting rooms, or when a valet puts a car away or brings it back, or when a person takes your bags out for you. Many don't even give proper tips when somebody who gives them good service. Many are just plain rude with this "better than you" attitude they have. Many people who possess large amounts of money seem to think this makes them better than others how don't, for some odd reason. Like having a possession somehow makes them a better person. It is the same type of attitude many "beautiful" people think, that they are somehow "better" for something they have really no effort in attaining. Even those who work hard and earn a lot of money seem to think it makes them better somehow. Just because somebody works hard and gathers up a lot of possessions does not make them better. The work ethic says a lot for being a hard worker, but there are very hard workers who do not earn much too. Just some have a better opportunity than others, and often that better opportunity has nothing to do with them, but rather what somebody else supplied them. Like some who are "blessed" with opportunities in work which garners mass amounts of money, like Operah, or actors, athletics, etc, does not make them better. They would like to think it does but it doesn't. "Things", "posessions" do not make anyone better, and it certainly does not mean they can look down on others or be rude to those in jobs that pay less, but often have them work much harder than those with lots of money. Operah, for example, has amassed a fortune. She is extreamly rich, due to affirmative action placing her in the right place at the right time. She was the token black woman on talk television, and it took her places she would never have got without it. Now, she is believing her own hype, of own "public relations" and is just going to town on shoving everybodies faces in her wealth and life style. Sure she is nice and all, but she is not the person she once was. Many of her "shows" now are all about "her" and she will interupt specialists to put her own two cents in like "she" is the professional or has as much to say on the subject and her thoughts are as "on target" as those highly educated professionals. I use to really like her and am saddend at how she has bought into her own hype. Once she came on stage and everyone was up applauding her and she made upward sweeping movements of her arms and hands to encourage them to stand up more and applaud more and she said "I love it, just love it can't get enough of this"!!! Like the adiance were her own special "subjects" and she the "queen". I was shocked and from that day forward my opinion of her was so much lower. I was so disapointed. She now looks down on others and actually thinks her "hard" work put her where she is, when it was just affirmative action. Any black woman who had been in her position would have had the exact same offer, it was just the need for one at the time. Yes, she was a good listener, and did work, but her riches are not just due to her "hard work". It was mostly just plain luck. This is just an example. I am not against those with large sums of money, I am just sick and tired of how they think having "stuff" things money can buy makes them somehow better than those who do not have those things. They are rude, inconsiderate people.

Sadly though, it is not just rich who are rude these days. It is more and more people of every economic "class", thought I do not believe in "ecconomic class". To me "class" is how one conducts oneself. It is those who are not rude, who do not look down their noses at others, those who treat all equally, as God intends us to. Nobody is "better" than others. There are those who possess more "class" though. Those who do, say "please" and "thank you" to those who provide service and behave with politeness. Those who do not stick out their middle finger, curse out others, act like they own the world and everyone "owes" them something.

It is really sad how so many people, not just Americans, but of every culture, need so deeply to feel they are somehow better than others. This is one huge reason there is such hate in the world. Everybody wants to think their way is the only right way. They want to push their way onto others, when they do not have a right to do so. This makes people look down on those who are not doing things "their way", as they believe "their way" is the only right way and therefor the only respected way of doing things. If you are not doing it the "respected way" which is always "their way" then you are not to be respected. This manifests in as small a community as a family unit, on up to the huge scale of the world community. It is one sibling saying to another sibling "my kids are better than your kids" meaning "I did a better job raising my kids using my skills which are better than your skills". Which translates to "I am better than you". This goes on up the scale to one country stating to another country, "my ways are the right ways and your are wrong and therefor my country is better than yours". It all winds down to disrespect due to one believing he/she is better than another. When somebody has a notion of "better", that leads to disrespect and disdain towards the one S/he feels superior towards. This small and large scale belief of being "better" leads to a world in which increasinly more individuals are rude and without common curtisy and class. Provides these types with the belief they are entitled to services and do not owe any common curtisy of providing a simple decent "please or thank you", to those providing the service.

Yeah, this is all really sad and terriable, but it is the state of the world. To say only Americans behave this way, is a way of saying "I am better than Americans". See how insidious rudeness is? Somebody could be guilty of it while accusing others of the exact same behavior.

I am sometimes rude. I am shamed when I realize I am being rude or have been rude. I try to work on having real class by behaving with class as much as possible. I have gained a lot by working hard and diligently at it over my lifetime. But I still have my bad moments and when I do I am shamed. I have also taught my children what real class is and what has real worth in this life. They too will work at it their entire lives. We all work to be better people, even those who we think of as the most rude individuals. Very few actually consciensly wished to be a rude or inconsiderate person. Often the behavior is subconscience and people do not stop to look at their behaviors as it is just too uncomfortable to do so when in the wrong. So, I believe we all have are moments of rudeness, we just keep trying to do better.

Thanks for this question, it was a very good one. Have a very nice day, or evening, depending upon where in the world you reside.

Answer 2

Unless you have traveled the entire country and have personal experience with this, what information is the basis that they don't? Also, are you talking about politeness in regards to everyday activities? politeness between a customer and a business/business worker? etc?

While I don't hear "please" used on a more than occasional basis, I hear "thank you" quite often where I'm from. That might be part of the answer too - where you are in the country when you are observing etiquette. Some areas use it more often than others. There may be different etiquette styles from culture to culture, demographic to demographic. Some areas may be more apt to teach their children etiquette than others, like fireflydiva mentioned. The 'majority' of Americans aren't alike after all. (Edited in: brevejunkie has a perfect example *thumbs up*)


Personal note: I do think that 'please' and 'thank you' are being taught to children on a less frequent basis however, as do many others here as they have commented.

In response to che_leo:
What is considered polite by one person, may be considered rude by another. The business world is full of these. For example: Japanese gift giving is proper etiquette in Japan, however, in the USA it is illegal. Etiquette IS different from nation to nation at least, differences that are inspired by religion, history, and the like. (See links for culture/etiquette differences between countries.)

Answer 3

Manners are something that are taught. More and more kids are being brought up by parents that are afraid of offending there children by correcting them and teaching them right from wrong. Little importance is placed on manners any more. It's a real shame. It's just giving Americans a bad name. We really need to take a step back into time and learn how to use manners again.

Answer 4

Odd. I find many other nationalities don't have the manners that I encounter in the US. Its rare that I DON'T hear someone say "please" "thank-you" "your welcome" "yes ma'am" "no sir"

Maybe its because I was raised in the south and manners are so huge there. But to make a sweeping generalization and say that the majority of Americans have no manners is quite rude itself. Have YOU in fact MET the majority of Americans? I highly doubt that. Maybe its just the majority that you've encountered... but in my experience the majority of Americans have fantastic manners and are still TAUGHT those fantastic manners.

Have a great day!

Answer 5

Etiquette is not dependent on race, gender, religion or nationality.

An individual that was brought up and conditioned to demonstrate proper manners will do so - this is not something unique to Americans, believe me.

Answer 6

I wouldnt say its strictly an American thing, but mostly its due to not being taught this important rule of courtesy. I have people call me polite for doing that very thing, but I dont see it as polite. It is common courtesy, just letting someone know you are grateful for their help, or that you would appreciate their assistance.

Answer 7

I think a lot of it depends on what part of the US you're from. I'm born and raised (and currently live) in the south, and most people here do say please and thank you (and occasionally will add a ma'am in there somewhere. :)) I lived in Michigan for a few years, and those people would just as soon smack you upside your head as to use some manners. The first time I went grocery shopping, I told the cashier thanks as I was leaving, and she said, "Yep." YEP? WTF IS THAT? Come to find out, that's their way of saying you're welcome. Maybe they're just too lazy??

Answer 8

It all boils down to upbringing and manners. What started the trend I can't say, but it is very irritating to me. I overheard a woman in my apartment building telling her daughters that the only people they should ever listen to are their mommy and daddy. Talk about setting your kids up for failure! What about teachers, policemen, firemen and doctors? Parents, you need to teach your children manners, including saying please and thank-you. While you're at it, tell them it is rude to talk with their mouth full of food, and that they should chew with their mouth closed.

Answer 9

They get down to business. Always looking ahead to the next thing. No time for those small things. Even if they're meaningful, makes the day happier, and mean the most.

Answer 10

Ooo ... Ooo ... I do ... I do.

Especially when I'm at a resturant and not paying ... I feel so greatful that someone is bringing me water!!! Since I can only contribute a "Thank you" and "Please" ... I do ... Ooo I do!

Plus, if I don't then I'm worried that they will 'spit' in my food if I don't (Giggle --- Sad but true --- Giggle). Additionally, if you soften people up with nice manners, you'll ususally get to be around happy people like yourself.

Answer 11

I would say that America has lost her mind. Being that we are a part of America what does that tell you? They simply don't care and are not appreciative. With these types of people do you really expect to get a please or thank you?