I was in her first wedding & it was a big deal, and now she is having another one. I am sure she wants to forget about the last one, but I have a lot of expenses and really dont want to spend all that money again, plus it's out of state, so there is the cost of gas. Even though she lives in another state, we are still close.
2006-07-10 07:32:10 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
No. The first wedding is the Big One, regardless of how the marriage works out. Any subsequent weddings should be tastefully small, intimate affairs.
Just send your regrets with best wishes for a happy future together. A small token gift isn't out of line but you are under no obligation to do so.
2006-07-10 07:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by Bostonian In MO 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you HAVE to go? No, of course not, especially if it is going to be a financial burden. If you two are very close, I would guess that you very much want to go. I'm not clear on one point - has she asked you to be in this wedding as well? I know first hand how expensive that can be. Would it be possible for you attend but not be in the wedding? That might make things more affordable.
Not matter what, you need to talk to her about it and gently explain your financial situation. If it is just too expensive for you to attend and she's a real friend, she should be sad but understand. No one should be asked to go into debt just to attend a wedding.
2006-07-10 15:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are really close, try to find someone who could maybe car pool with you, and possible share hotel/motel expenses with you. Because this is her second wedding (it is kind of tacky to have another large one as she already did), you should not be obliged to bring her a gift. Best wishes should be enough, at least all of the people I know who have gotten married a second time say that the gift of having family and friends there with best wishes is enough.
2006-07-10 14:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can force you to attend a wedding if you really don't want to go. If the only thing keeping you from attending is money and the bride really wants you to come, than maybe she will help out with expenses. Otherwise, I don't think second weddings are worth the extra effort, especially if you went to the first wedding.
2006-07-10 17:01:01 · answer #4 · answered by Liza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you're close you have to go. That does suck though. As far as I'm concerned, you have the big wedding the first time around. The second time shouldn't be so big. As for a gift, just get her something small. She should have everything she needs anyway.
2006-07-10 14:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have issues with giving your blessing. Either way you have a great point with gas price thing and I think that could be your way out. You could arrange a friend who will be there to give a special gift from you or read a poem you wrote or whatever to let her know you are there in spirit
2006-07-10 14:37:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IN this age of second, third and fourth marriages, I would say that if you are "close" you need to go. I would kepe the expenditure to a minimum, however.
You should feel free to decline the honour of being in the wedding party, if you feel you can't afford it.
2006-07-10 14:37:16 · answer #7 · answered by P. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu don't have to go. If you can't afford it. It doesn't matter if it's a 1st or 2nd wedding, if you can't afford it, you don't have to go.
She might have 2 or 3 more. Maybe you will have more money then. If not she will probably have huge anniversary parties and you can go if you have money. Just explain to her you cannot afford it...she might offer to pay for it for you???
2006-07-10 14:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money comes and go, having someone really close to you is something rare to find so don't lose only for money reasons
2006-07-10 14:35:36 · answer #9 · answered by shakalucca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh, just how close of friends are you with this woman?
Weddings can be a real pain, but I would think that it's one of those necessary "suck it up and do it for my friendship" sort of things.
2006-07-10 14:36:46 · answer #10 · answered by buzzfeedbrenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋