My boyfriend asked me once before how many men I have slept with and I refused to answer. He asked me again and I told him that I was promiscuous as a teenager, but that in the past 15 years there were very few. I was afraid that by not answering I was making it seem worse than it is.
My total number was 16, but in that was mostly as a screwed up teenager. In the past 15 years, 10 of which I was married, there have only been 3 and one of them is my current boyfriend. We have been together for 10 weeks and we get along great and have been able to talk about everthing and anything so far.
He says it doesn't matter and he loves me no matter what, do you think I should have kept that info to myself and kept refusing to tell? Do you think it will affect the reationship?
2006-07-10 07:00:47 · 53 answers · asked by Christina 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If I were you I would've said 3 because what you did as a wild, thrill-seeking teenager was a person that you're not today.
Turn his inquiry into a positive by saying somehing like "but none of them compare the way you *####* to me".
Full and truthful disclosure of your past should come only after you've decided that you're ready to tell, not when a partner is pressuring you for information. This way you can share things about yourself that make you vulnerable but trust that he won't use it against you.
As far as him saying it doesn't matter, he's lying. It shows his insecurity and doubts about being able to please you. So time will tell if he uses this information against you. The moment he does is the moment you'll realize that he's NOT the one for you.
You should never divulge such personal information without reciprocation. Communication is the key to a good relationship but it's a two sided coin and he should want to tell about himself as well (reciprocation).
2006-07-10 09:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by Kamikazeâ?ºKid 5 · 10⤊ 2⤋
I would tell him and then remind him that most of them where when you were younger. (Has he told you how many he's been with?) I just feel that honesty is always best and that if he wants to know tell him....otherwise he might make up crap in his head that is way worse than a number of 16. I have a husband that doesn't want to know and sometimes I feel bad because he feels free to talk about his number and times with his ex-girlfriends but doesn't care to hear about my past boyfriends or even my past childhood for that matter...just talks about his. Makes me feel like he doesn't care as much as he should. Maybe your guy is the complete opposite and wants to know all there is about you, you know? That could be a good thing really.
2006-07-10 07:10:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeh, it kinda sounds like you're hiding something, but again it's not really his business in the fact that all of this was before him. If you have been able to talk about everything, then this shouldn't be a problem I wouldn't think. Have you asked him how many girls he's been with?? Some things are better left alone and kept to yourself.. but he will always wonder what you are hiding if you refuse to tell him.. good luck. honesty is the best policy really...
2006-07-10 07:05:36 · answer #3 · answered by Angelrebel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two ways to approach this.
You can say that you had a past, but you grew wiser as you grew older and things you did as a youth have no bearing on the present as you don't do that anymore.
(As a note, a real gentleman would not ask, OK?)
I feel that he is looking for some out. "You had how many partners? Are you a slut or what?"
Is he willing to let you know how many women he's been with? Does it honestly matter to you?
Again, let him know that the past is the past and you are focused on him in the here and now.
2006-07-10 07:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is forming a union with you. Your past is part of you. If he is looking for some perfect, unspoiled, untouched partner, I'd say "Dream On".
I wouldn't harp on it if he isn't interested in hearing, but many of us can stomach our partners past because we didn't have unrealistic expectations of perfection on the way in. If it doesn't bother him to hear about it, than it is likely he really just wants to know you better, all of you.
You can always use your past to give him an ego boost. For instance, "You are so much more sensitive than my previous partners." OR "I feel bad about all the boyfriends I've had, but it was worth it to find you." OR "They were all just practice so that I could learn how to be a good partner and lover".
If you two love each other, this will be a minor speed-bump, well worth getting over so that both of you can go forward with a clear conscience.
2006-07-10 07:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by Mesa P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
geez, that sounds exactly like me....messed up teenager, but now a responsible adult, married for 15 of it. my total is about 20, in the last 15 years it has only been 4, him being the 4th. I told him the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, the reason...he has to accept me just how I am, that means the good with the bad. My past makes me who I am today, and I am proud to be me. Not only that, you open up to each other and become closer. If he can't accept all of your past, then he isn't the one for you. Do you really want to hide your past from him and keep up that charade forever?
2006-07-10 07:08:24 · answer #6 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in the same situation you have been. when i was a teenager i was buck wild but in the past few yrs i have calmed down so much. my ex always asked and i didn't want to tell him the truth. not because i was embarrassed, but because i knew what was going to happen. so i lied i told him a reasonable number that can be considered high but not where i was. i told him 9 and he was 10. which was exactly half of what the truth was. for you tell him a number like 8 its reasonable. a guy really doesn't want to hear the truth they just want to know if you are willing to tell them.
2006-07-10 07:07:02 · answer #7 · answered by danielle s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you no matter what then he doesn't need to know. If you are phiscally healthy and have not contracted any diseases or anything from past partners then the actual number is irrelevant. if he asks again tell him this " My past is my past and we are living in the now. I've learned good things and bad things from my past and it has made me who I am now. If you love the person I am then you don't need to know every experience which got me there. I've never told you the number of diets I've been on, or how many times I've cut school or didn't. Every detail of my life is not on display. Just know what I display to you is real and please except that. If you love me you love me now not who I use to be."
2006-07-10 07:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is pretty much just that... the past. Everyone should get the opportunity for a new beginning. If he cant let the past be the past then its kind of bad on his part. Everyone has done things or been with people... everyone has a history. When you meet someone its a new beginning together. The past is pretty much irrelevant in MOST cases.
2006-07-10 07:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it makes for unnecessary jealousy when couples tell each other everything they did before they got together. The pair should make a mutual agreement not to discuss the past - either of them. If you feel you NEED to tell him your history, I would at least cut the number by quite a few. I really hope he doesn't insist on your giving him the guy's names.
2006-07-10 07:06:02 · answer #10 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋