We have four kids and only live 20 minutes away. I am an odd ball for the fact that I actually want my mother in law around, but I do! Am I allowed to just flat out ask her if there is a reason that she doesnt seem to want to be a part of our lives? We have really great kids. My husband will not say anything to her for fear of upsetting her. I just think that my kids are entitled to their grandmother.
2006-07-10 06:12:52 · 14 answers · asked by flowerandkevin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she isn't making any effort I would at least ask her....maybe there has been some weird misunderstanding and she thinks she isn't wanted....you would want to get that cleared up right?
Then again...four kids? Is it just to much for her? I'm in my 40's and I wouldn't want to contend with four children all at once. My friend came over Saturday with her four kids and in 10 minutes I finally had to ask them to leave...they are wild. She doesn't notice it because she's around it all the time....but they are just wild...bored...and get into everything!
Maybe you could work it out so that each Grandchild gets one afternoon a month with her, all alone, if that is something she would like to do???
Tell her from your heart that the kids need their Granny! See if you can't come to an understanding. Speak with love, don't make her feel defensive, just ask her how you can help her to be closer to the kids, rather than asking why she doesn't ...KWIM?
2006-07-10 06:22:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Invite her over for dinner and while she is there playing with the kids, tell her that you really do enjoy her company and wish you guys can spend more time together. Invite her over for tea sometimes just out the blue, call her up.
Like you said, your the odd ball and actually want her around. She probly thinks she isn't wanted since no one else wants her around. Ya know...
2006-07-10 06:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her if there is any way to make her visit more comfortable. Some people, like my mom, have gotten used to being without children and are sensitive to the noise. After about 2 hours they are ready to leave. Its not that she doesnt love them and she is happy to see them but she can feel her anxiety coming on. Maybe its not that she doesnt want to be around, maybe there is some underlying reason she feels uncomfortable, gl!
2006-07-10 06:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by The Kings 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be overwhelmed by the size of your brood, your childrens behavior or she doesn't agree with your parenting style and prefers to stay away. She may not realize that you have this perception of her.
Don't ask her if there is a reason that she doesn't want to be part of your lives. That is inflammatory and you are making that assumption.
Ask her to be part of your lives. Give her specific invitations to specific events. She may decline. That is her choice. You could have the kids invite her to schoool or church functions.
2006-07-10 06:18:38 · answer #4 · answered by therego2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite her over, she might be under the impression that she is intruding in your family life. If she and your husband aren't close, then she is probably just trying to let you both live your lives. If you both want her over talk to her and tell her that you would love it if she came and spent time with you all - then give her some specific dates and times.
2006-07-10 06:17:41 · answer #5 · answered by Vanessa B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might ask her. Sometimes some people are the type that just live private lives.
Did she have any objections to your marriage?
It may just be something unresolved that was nothing to you but may have really hurt her. Maybe something was said or done that she was offended by.
Asking her might end the distance if it can be resolved.
2006-07-10 06:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely talk to her but when you do it try to avoid putting her in a defensive mood. Ask her out to lunch just the two of you, or out for a pedicure and then bring it up. Or invite her over for family dinner or a picnic. She may just be one of those people who don't want to socialize.
2006-07-10 06:17:25 · answer #7 · answered by sls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy CRAP, you poor delusional little thing.
Seriously, just ask. Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she's butting in all the time. (Invite her over enough, and you'll get cured of the desire to have her around) Maybe she had a meddling mother-in-law and she doesn't want you to see her as she saw her husband's mother. I doubt it's anything personal. She probably just doesn't want to interfere.
2006-07-10 06:24:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her straight out. Your husband can avoid conflict all he wants but as your kids mother it is admirable that you want them to know their grandma, and you have the right and the responsibility to make sure they know their family. Go for it!
2006-07-10 06:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by Liz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you write her a letter explaining to her how you feel and then, if you get a positive reply, take this opportunity to invite her for a dinner with all of you and other members of the family.
2006-07-10 06:19:01 · answer #10 · answered by Shaana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋