My younger sister & I (adults) had a serious falling about 3 yrs. ago. We have not spoken. Reconciliation?

Question

Her daughter was involved in a volatile, abusive relationship. With each break-up, she shared details of his tirades and abuse. Some were obscene & directed at my daughters. We all learned of them , directly affecting our attitude towards him. She decided to marry this guy & announce her engagement on Christmas eve at my home. I was never consulted about this. He ex-husband is a friend of ours & has been invited to our home for 14-15 years. She was told that he would be there so she called him, demanding that he be gone by 8 o'clock. FYI - they had been engaged since Sept. My sister decided we were not warm enough to him that evening. She silently seethed for months, telling my niece not to invite us to the wedding. My husband & I were invited; not my daughters. I wrote a letter explaining why we would not attend & the effects on our relationship. I received 2 vicious letters (niece & sister).They still attempt hurting my family, including my grandson, the age of niece's son

My sister and I got along well...or so I thought. When the letters arrived, all the resentment & anger were revealed. I truly had no idea. I knew I was taking a risk with the relationship when I wrote the letter. I just had no idea how vindictive she & my niece are. My niece's ex-husband lives around the corner from my grandson's family. She will no longer let them see each other, even when he is visiting his dad. She even tried to pull him out of Boy Scouts because they are in the same troop. I am amazed at how they have infected every one when I was the one who did the writing. It truly breaks my heart.

Answer 1

Oh dear, it is sad. Did you get along with your sister well before? I have big problems with mine however our troubles started when we were young as she always wanted to be the boss. I gave up the thought of trying to get along with her a long time ago.
Your sister has been unreasonable and vicious letters are just ridiculous. I can understand her standing beside her daughter but not at the cost of losing a sister.
I really think she should be trying to make amends not you and until she does there is not much you can do. If it is affecting your grandson your sister really doesn't consider your feelings at all.
As the old saying goes, 'You can choose your friends but not your family'.

Answer 2

back off as much as you can, but keep her on your Christmas card list if possible

Sounds like she might need people she can lean on in future (maybe distant future) when the something hits the fan. one card a year will go a long way.

You don't know what the abuser has said to her and sometimes they have a way of speaking on your behalf and you have no idea what kind of words may have been put in your mouth (even if you've never heard them)

if you love your sister, wait it out

Answer 3

sometimes it is better to have no contact at all. Trying to make things right with some people just make it worse. I have no contact with my brother, we have not spoken in 25 years. Things are good as long as there is no contact of any kind. 1 e-mail stirred things up so now I know I'm done

Answer 4

u did great......deap breath... ..now copy their letters..1 police..lawyer ..yourself ...judge get a restraining order....breath,,the stress will go too . best to u & u"re family,peace