Is she right to be upset?

Question

I am the youngest brother and I have 3 sisters from a traditional indian family. A few months back I graduated and my mum brought me a card and an expensive briefcase. The year before it was my sisters graduation and we got her nothing. She insisted we go out for a celebration and after the meal I suggested that she pay as kept saying she would. She said she didn't have her card so my parents paid. A few years back it was her birthday and we got her a card but no present. My mum handed her a bag of loose nuts. a few weeks later it was my birthday and my mum gave me some presents. My mum has always said I will get the property that she owns. that is 3 houses worth in total over half a million. However I am the youngest and it was my sisters who helped my mum pay for the mortagages...they turned over quite a bit of their salaries. My folks gave my two older sisters 'ok' weddings and for my other unmarried sister my mum is encouraging her to make it small.

My mum said that most people split up so its best to have a small wedding. but for me as her son...she wants a big glam Indian wedding. Is this right?
Is my sister right to feel hurt by all of this ..or is she oversensitive.. My other sisters don't even notice

Answer 1

regardless of custom YES your sister is right to be upset - you have been spoilt and all she wants is the same treatment as you. Stop being insensitive.

Answer 2

She should be very upset! It's like they don't believe in her ability to make a marriage work, or that her graduation was routine and didn't take any effort. The fact that your mom wants to leave you their net worth doesn't mean anything because maybe she has been conditioned to think woman arn't capable of property ownership. Who knws what your mom is thinking, but I'm sure no one wants to hurt your mom. Maybe you should insist on sticking up for your sister and encouraging your mom to remember her, and be fair. Don't do or say anything to your mom in front of your sister though, she may feel uncomfortable with that since you are younger. Good Luck, I know a lot about this kind of thing. I am the youngest of 7 and my parents have put crippling limitations on all their girls. It's really tough.
Be there for your sister, becasue one day your parents will be gone and your sister could be a great source of friendship and comfort to you one day!

Answer 3

I think she is right to be upset, your mother's behaviour suggests that your sisters are far less important, and therefore less well loved than you. I find it incredible that your mother would leave all the property to you even though the sisters helped substantially with the mortgages. She is being very unfair, and I would be surprised if the two other sisters were really not bothered as you say. This sort of behaviour leads not only to arguments and bad feeling, but also leaves your sisters feeling less worthy than their behaviour deserves. How would you feel if you were one of them instead of the cherished son?

Answer 4

Oh yeah. Your sister definately has a reason to be VERY hurt in this situation. Your mother is being completely sexist. You are a man so you get everything and your sisters work hard and they get nothing because they are women. That's just so wrong. Your mom should divide the property between the 4 of you. Wow. That's just so messed up.

Answer 5

Yes i think your sister is quite right to feel upset! I do realise that your cultural beliefs and values are different to ours but i assume you live in the UK and your sister can see that things are very different when it comes to her married sisters, and her younger brother.

Why should your sister, who contributed to your parents wealth be told to only have a small wedding when two of her sisters were offered big weddings and why should she also be left with no inheritance at her parents death and see everything go to you?

I would suggest you thought about it, maybe speak to your parents about it and if they won't change their mind, then take it upon yourself to put things right!

Answer 6

It never feels good to be overtly treated differently than another sibling. I know people who were in similar situations and all it does is build anger and resentment. My friends who had families like these moved away once they were grown and have little contact with their parents and the sibling who received more attention. It's a shame that people in this day and age can still act that way towards their own flesh and blood.

Answer 7

Your sister was on here about the exact same thing although from her point of view i guess as siblings u are all trying to get the limelight.. You all need to grow up, leave home and stop bloody bickering

god knows ur doing my head in least of all your parents

Answer 8

i feel sorry for your sisters who are unfortunately born in the wrong family with this sexist attitude . you have the chance here of proving your mother wrong and of making a sincere effort of rekindling your relationship with your sister .
i really thought we were moving ahead globally in bringing abt equality btw the sexes but your question really has got me thinking abt the enormous lack of respect meted out to women .
you can make a difference by changing your attitude. your mom will follow by example. your sister deserves this much more than just hollow pity .

Answer 9

yes.......i know that in indian family's girls are thought of as second class behind the boys. but what your parants as down must have hurt your sister and frankly your not much better and the property should be for ALL of you. and you should see that it is.cos after all if it wasn't for your sisters there would'nt be any.

Answer 10

i'm not suprised your sister feels upset.....i relealise we come from different cultures,but surely your sisters should all be treated the same....even if it is your way to treat sons differently.

for myself i have 2 sons and 3 daughters and i try to treat them all the same and with the same respect.

your mother doesnt seem to see that her actions are causing pain to your sister but you obviously do...maybe you could talk to your sister and to your mother and act as a go between to try and rectify the situation.