Is she right to be upset?

Question

I am the youngest brother and I have 3 sisters from a traditional indian family. A few months back I graduated and my mum brought me a card and an expensive briefcase. The year before it was my sisters brief case and we got her nothing. She insisted we go out for a celebration and after the meal I suggested that she pay as kept saying she would. She said she didn't have her card so my parents paid. A few years back it was her birthday and we got her a card but no present. My mum handed her a bag of loose nuts. a few weeks later it was my birthday and my mum gave me some presents. My mum has always said I will get the property that she owns. that is 3 houses worth in total over half a million. However I am the youngest and it was my sisters who helped my mum pay for the mortagages...they turned over quite a bit of their salaries. My folks gave my two older sisters 'ok' weddings and for my other unmarried sister my mum is encouraging her to make it small.

My mum said that most people split up so its best to have a small wedding. but for me as her son...she wants a big glam Indian wedding. Is this right?
Is my sister right to feel hurt by all of this ..or is she oversensitive.. My other sisters don't even notice

sorry ..was meant to say my sisters graduation not briefcase

oh yeah when it was her birthday ...my mum said that she would help with a new car but at the moment couldn't afford it. when my sisters car finally konked out (she had a nasty accident on the motorway) my mum started to make excuses for not getting her the car. But my sis did stand up for herself ...reminding her. My mum did pay for the first few installments. After 5 months my sis paid everything off as she won a scholarship award. I think the whole family were angry with my sis as she started to refuse to work and pay my mum money as she wanted to go to Uni.Before that she paid mum about £2 k a month. I pay mum the occasional bill but too in debt. I don't life a finger in the house either. My mum and sis do everything.

Answer 1

I would say your sisters are getting the short end of the stick here. Why is it that their not treated as well as you are? You obviously see that or you wouldn't be asking this in the first place. Second, if there are three houses and three kids, why are YOU entitled to it all? Doesn't seem very fair to me. To answer, yes, I would not only be upset I would be really really hurt. Very inconsiderate of your mother. I'm sorry but it sounds like she mentally quit having children, but physically kept on. And of course they don't "notice" anymore. When you get walked all over, people tend to get used to it and ignore it. It's not that they don't notice, they just ignore because their used to it.

Answer 2

Personally, I would be very upset too because it is showing extreme favoritism. I don't know much about Indian traditions though. Is this something that happens with most Indian families or is it just yours? Either way, too me, this is very unfair and you should do what ever you can to offset your mother's actions. Buy each of them a small gift on their birthdays. You know that your sisters helped pay for the mortgages on the property- after you have them, I would think it would be fair of you to give them each the amount of money that they would have received had they been considered equal.

Answer 3

Explain to you sister, that while Bono is trying to end poverty, she is getting her feelings hurt over either a wedding, a house, a briefcase, or something...couldnt uderstand the situation. You should all count your blessings that you have such quality problems to endure! If your sisters assisted in payments on the houses, that is on them. If at the time they ased for nothing in return, or a backend on the sale of the property, well, too bad. If you should feel so generous as to split the profits with your sisters in the future, that would be nice.

These are all financial problems. Bono is trying to end poverty of people who have no parents, no briefcases, no big weddings, no property and are fighting to continue to live through each day.

Perspective is a *****. That is my YAHOO! answer!

Answer 4

Your mum cares more for her sons happiness than she does for her daughters.
Many nationalities are like this, this is how your mum was raised and it is her own personal belief, you will not change her ideas on this as she will not be able to see the wrong she is doing.
Your sister is right to be upset, she is being treated like she is totally unimportant and that no matter what she does it will never be good enough.
You can help your sister by telling her how proud you are of her and her achievements and by making sue you get her a present for her birthday and christmas.
Instead of letting her carry on feeling unwanted, unloved and unappreciated, let her know you love her and how wonderful you think she is.
She deserves it

Answer 5

I would definitely be upset if I were your sisters... especially if they have paid into the property. What was even the point for her to pay into it only to see it go to someone else?

I hope that you raise your family differently... no matter what heritage you may have it is wrong to treat people inequally and to place more value in one child over the others. You are lucky because you were the favorite, but think about it... you could just have easily been a girl. Try to empathize with them and do what is morally right.

Answer 6

I don't know exactly how Indian culture is... are men always treated superior to women?
I'm an only daughter with two brothers. All three of us siblings were always treated the same. If one child got something, the other two received the same or equivalent.
Likewise, I am now a mother of three children... also two boys and one girl. My husband and I treat all three of our children the same also. That seems fair to me. I love all of my children equally, and would never want one of them to feel less cared for.
Yes, I believe your sister is right to feel she is being treated unfairly... tradition or not. Your two oldest sisters probably don't say anything because they realize that is how your culture is, and have learned to accept it. Your youngest sister may not even be upset that you are given more material items. It may just be that she needs to know your parents love her as much as they love you.

Answer 7

she probably feels that if her mom did it for her sisters why can't she do it for me too? so she is probably feeling less loved. I do not know your families beliefs on all of this but if they strongly believe that the brides parents pay for the wedding then by all means if they can afford it ... then they should go all out for her .... it is a once in a lifetime thing. If the marriage don't last ... well that has nothing to do with her parents ... they should not be doing it for that reason. That is very selfish for them to say that!!! They should be focusing on their daughters happieness and not be telling her that marriages don't last that long.

Answer 8

Is it part of your culture that the son inherits everything? If it's not, I don't understand why Mom is doing things this way. Your sister has a right to feel hurt, it is obvious that she is not being treated the same way you are. You cannot change Mom, of course, but how will you keep good relationship with this sister?

Answer 9

I believe she feels as if you are being treated differently. I am vaguely familiar with your culture and know a little bout how it works. Perhaps she needs to be reminded of how it works. I would feel a little hurt if I were her. Perhaps you could share the inheritance? Make a stipulation that she may not sell it and let her have some of it, it might comfort her to know that all her money was not put there in vein.

Answer 10

The rightness or wrongness of emotion is irrelevant. She *is* upset, and that's all that matters. (I would be, too.)

However, she cannot change your mother, but perhaps you could talk to mom. She will probably regard your opinion more highly. And *that* is neither right nor wrong, it just is.

If that doesn't work, perhaps you can explain to your sisters that you care about them, and that no matter what, *you* will make sure that things are divided more evenly later in life, since those decisions clearly will be yours. (But only tell them that if you will do it.)

There's little else that any of you can do. Your parents have the choice to do what they want with their resources, fair or not fair.