I fell in love with this girl. But after 6 months, I don't feel the same way I once did about her, itscares me

Question

I started to hang out with this girl last christmas. She had a boyfriend at the time and I spent more time with her than he did. We were just friends. 2 months later she broke up with her boyfriend and 3 weeks after that I started to date her. We got along perfectly, we always had fun. This is probably because we considered eachother best friends before we started dating. We had a very strong base. I started my summer before my senior year of high school, I've hung out with her almost eveyday. I felt like I was in love for the first time ever. We spent everyday togethor. We did a lot of different things, but we would always end up becoming sexually intimate, and finally we had sex. then she left town for a couple weeks. Sense shes been gone, I feel like everything we've been through is lost, and I no longer get that spark I used to when I thought about her. What happened that would dismay me about our relationship?I feel like I have to fall in love with her again. What happened?

Answer 1

I think these kinds of situations are different and unique for each individual. But, since you are asking, here is my opinion, based on what I have gone through in my life. It's a bit long, but I think your question is worth answering. Take it or leave it, I hope it helps!

First, you won't ever feel the same way about the person you "fall in love with." I am sure you have heard that very phrase "fall in love" means you can also fall out of love with a person. That's natural, and it's ok. Don't be scared! That just means you are getting to know them on a different level, in a new way. It also means you aren't settling for the way things have been. You may have liked them before, but you need more now. Do things differently, and you'll soon be satisfied again. It's a never ending circle, though, so don't get dismayed when you find yourself feeling like this again.

I met my husband in college and we were best friends for almost six months before we decided to date. We dated for 2 years, then were engaged for 3. We've just celebrated our 1st anniversary, and I can't tell you how many times I have felt like you! The only difference is I am not scared to go through it, because I know it was more than a spark that attracted me to him. We have a foundation of friendship, like you said you have, and that is honestly all you need and all you will come back to if you stay together. Sex, however, was not part of our relationship until we were married. That's just how we decided to do things.

In my opinion, you can't build a life together based only on a spark. And think about it- who wants to truly be happy with just a spark when you can have a blazing fire?? There must be more that will keep you two glued together from one happy moment to the next. Like one of my favorite movies states, "It's all the bad times and mundane times that you work through that are the unseen pictures between the happy ones you chose put in an album." (paraphrased from The Notebook).

Also in my opininion, take it or leave it, you can't build a relationship that will last around sex. Sex is great, sex is fun! But that isn't the only important part of a relationship. Please know I am not saying go all abstinent now. My point is, you say you two are physically intimate, but how about emotionally? Do you really know each other inside and out? If not, it's ok, IF.

If you want to keep this relationship going, which it sounds like you do, the first and most important thing is to talk to her. I mean, really really talk. Not at a Starbucks or around other friends, but take a big time out to talk to each other alone. Figure out what you want and how you want to get it. Believe me, more than any of the sexual encounters my hubby and I have had, it is those few but oh so important times we took to talk things out that I remember most of these last 6 years, not the best sex we've ever had (though I can remember that too)!

You'll figure it out... if you (both) want to. Best wishes! :)

Answer 2

What happened was: You got time to yourself and had time to think about what you two were doing. You might can say that you came to the realization that you two might be best friends, but you don't know if you wanna possibly break up a good friendship for what is now considered a mediocre relationship. She broke up with her boyfriend b/c he was probably never around and you were. Sex got involved and made your connection to her stronger, but now the sex is gone and now all you have is a friendship. To make sure that the spark is really gone wait til she comes back and you see her face. If you have no feeling or affection for her, you will know right then and there that "The thrill is gone". You'll know for sure if it's still there or not.

Answer 3

first off i would say dont be scared. its common for people to 'fall out of love.' the problem is that most people dont make the effort to rekindle the fire. if you havnt seen her than the first thing i would suggest is hang out with her. sometimes just seeing her and being with her will be enough to remind you why you care about her so much. another thing you should try is doing some of the things you used to. try doing some of the activities you did at the beggining of the relationship [and i dont mean becoming sexually intimate]. If you go back to where these feelings began, than you may be able to recapture the passion that started your love for her. Also, hold off on sex for a while. Alot of times people who started off with a relationship based completly on emotion will let that slip away and it will become a relationship based entirely on physical intimacy. By stopping the physical part of the relationship for the time being you can get back to the emotional part. lastly i do not think that you have actually lost love for her, but you may have forgotten what it is that makes you love her. the most important thing is to talk to her. if she doesnt know whats going on, she cant help you to solve it.
hope everything works out for you

Answer 4

I'm afraid that is something you will have to go through many times. What we feel is really true love is usually something else - in my case, it was usually True Lust.

There is no easy way to deal with this. It may be that when she returns, you will catch that glint again. Or it might deepen - away from the crazy love feeling into a more stable kind of love. If you can keep the friendship going, then everything else about the relationship will be easier to cope with.

Be really careful to make sure she knows that you still care for her, and want to be her friend. Good luck. You are not alone.

Answer 5

Honey, You are growing up... You was in lust with her. Now that things have change you want to not be boy friend and girlfriend you just want to be friends. And what you are feeling is that if you tell her this that you are going to loose a very good friend. That just may happen too. But then again that may not happen. You may remain friends and be there for when ever the other needs a freind to talk to about other boyfriends and girlfriends.

But this is where people get confused about being in love. Love is not the lust and the attraction that we feel when the sparks fly and you can't keep your hands off each other. Love is what comes after that... It is going thought the good along with the bad. Love is supporting each other when at the times we don't like what actions the other is doing...

What you are going through now is going to happen with every girl you date. You are going to have this attraction to her and then in 6 months 9 months what ever the case may be that will slow down and then you will know if you are in love or not... Being in love is the hard stuff that comes after being in lust... Being in love is putting someone before yourself. Being in love is the time you see your girl at her worst times and still respecting her even though she has rollers in her hair and white cream on her face. Being in love is loving when your girlfriend puts on some weight and you still see her the way you seen her when you frist met...It could also be when she was sick and she looks like death worn her over. When she is standing there screaming at you and all you can say is baby I love you.. That is love. It is not just because when you kiss or have sex that it makes you feel good. Every girl you come across is going to have that same effect on you when you kiss her or have sex with her... Love is putting the other one first no matter what and if you find a girl that does that for you and you are doing that for her then I have to say that you are in love.

So you have some thinking to do... But do what is best for you and if you want to break the girl friend boyfreind thing off with her then tell her now. But how are you going to feel when you see her with another guy... First loves are beautiful but I have to say they hardly ever do last because of the magic behind it... You experince things that you never new before. and it will guide you to the one who is going to be your mate for life...

Answer 6

You aren't stating your age. I know that may not make a difference to you but to get answers from people with experience, it is important. Maybe you feel too tied down with her. It IS good to start out as best friends - that helps in a relationship but maybe you are feeling like you want to go out and have fun with others. You probably spent TOO much time together. EVERYONE needs their space.

Answer 7

Spend some time together and enjoy each others company. If you do not reconnect after spending some time together you will know the answer.

Relationships take work, and there are good days and bad days. The successful ones are the ones that you work through.

But both of you must want to put in the effort, and both of you must want it to work.

Answer 8

I actually am a turtle islander and i'd never date or procreate with a Thisenakerashera:te.( foreigner)because i have a little something called ethnic pride and self respect. One cannot be a proud native and then date or pro create with or marry outside the race. It's contradictory and hypocritical Why blacks so full of self hatred you'll seek love with anybody but your own? I'm not gonna be like these we are the world hip[pie white liberals that keep commenting.. I'm a "myself so im not gonna sugar coat it. I';m not going to tell you any limp wrist white logic like "Love is blind" that's crap. You wouldn't fall in love with a fat woman and if love was really blind then would be no gender orientations either men wouldn't prefer men or women it'd just be anybody. You should date your own women you don't see me picking up on she boons do you? You black bastards are like the white man always trying to steal somebody else's women. Before you date this mud shark who is a disgrace to any self respecting racially aware native, you should let her know that 72% of you are from single family households. Blacks don't even take care of their own children their own women why would they take care of ours? Why don't you just date a black girl that has convinced herself her great great great grandma was cherokee instead to explain why she has lighter skin and straighter hair? Any non native parasite that came near my daughter is getting a beat down and if she kissed a monkey like you I'd disown her. Then again I'd raise my daughter better than that and let her know that the black race doesn't even respect themselves you call your own women bitches and ho's you prefer white women, you objectify women and you make babies you don't even raise. Get your own house in order before you try to move into mine. Are you aware the degree of genocide non natives commited against us? Miscegenation at this point is genocide we are already watered down enough are we supposed to die off because you're horny? The black race is as guilty of genocide as whites are against us. Ever hear of the buffalo soldiers? Your people killed us in far greater numbers than any Cherokee slave owners How light skinned is this native wopman? If she's alreixed herself and she has sex with you and you have a baby the baby wont look native. Then it wont identify as such because it wont see itself as native when it looks in the mirror. That is genocide! Assimilation and miscegenation go hand in hand. At least when somebody is full native and they procreate with a black the baby has a chance of resembling the native person too. We have an obligation to survive.Before your race left their continent or before mine was exposed to other races there was nobody to be in love with but our own so that love is blind argument is bull s**t

Answer 9

Keep a distance from each other as a time-out. See how you really feel about this relationship.
Don't do something you think you "ought" to. Most important is to be true to your feelings.
If you don't feel any love, leave this relationship.

Answer 10

When you met this girl, ofcourse, it was like "fireworks". If you dont feel the same way anymore, maybe shes just not the one. You cant force yourself to fall in love.