2006-07-10 04:34:28 · 8 answers · asked by LoLa 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
High Tech Women's Bodies
Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.
When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.
Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
2006-07-12 20:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the man driving the bus turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ***." The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."
2006-07-10 04:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went
missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Arch-Angel
found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God,
"Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly
pointed downwards through the clouds
"Look Michael, look what I've made." said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said,
"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE
on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going
to be a great place of balance".
Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, North America will be a place of great
opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be
poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot
and Russia will be a cold spot.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people
and over there is a continent of black people,"
God continued, pointing to different countries.
This one will be extremely hot and arid while
this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then
pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?"
Ah ," said God. "That's New Zealand,
the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and hills.
The people from New Zealand are going to be modest,
intelligent and humorous
and they're going to be found traveling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and
high-achieving,and they will be known throughout the world
as diplomats
and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
"What about balance, God? you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely,
"Wait until you see the wan*ers I'm putting next to them. I
call them "Australians!"
2006-07-10 04:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by Mermaid♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one guy (mark), always goes for a drink after work on his way home because the bar is between his house and his work place. For a long time he stuggles to quit this habit but simply cant do it. He always walks by and keeps saying to himself that this day he wont do it but still does go in. Then one day he really tries and keeps walking until he goes past the bar. The guy is so happy that he has made it and says to himself "congratulations mark, now let me go buy you one?"
2006-07-11 04:25:23 · answer #4 · answered by the real deal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............
2006-07-10 05:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by andre g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No Spikka Inglish
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives....
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm ajusta
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
>I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!
---------------------------------
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2006-07-10 04:43:33 · answer #6 · answered by ~Shy~Girl~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay here we go,,,,,,,,
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
******************************...
2006-07-10 04:39:05 · answer #7 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is talking to God.
God says, "I sall allow you to ask three questions."
The man says, "Ok. What is a million years to you?"
"A million years to me is like a second."
"Wow! Well then, what is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny."
"Amazing!"
"You have one more question."
"Can I have a penny?"
"Sure! Give me a second."
2006-07-10 06:06:57 · answer #8 · answered by LindseyLouWho 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋