for parents and serious answers only.?

Question

how do i stop being so selfish as a father? do other parents get mad or upset when they have to wake up in the middle of the night? or when they dont have enough time to do things around the house to tend to their child? i just find that anytime that i am doing something i have to stop in the middle of what i am doing to just hold her and play with her, even though i just spent a half hour to an hour doing so? is this natural or am i selfish? please describe what you new parents think. I love my daughter more than anything, and i feel bad now, all i want to do now is go play with her. what can i do to enjoy this time with her in such need, or just quit being so selfish. it just seems at the most stressful time with her she smiles at me and melts my heart. I feel so bad now, which i know i deserve. I want the best for her and for me to quit being so selfish. only serious answers please.

Answer 1

Change your focus. Those "other things" you are doing have to be viewed as stuff to do when your child doesn't need you right now. They are the distractions, not your child.

Answer 2

To me, you have to realize what is most important. Your child didn't have a choice to be born and she doesn't understand that you are busy. Sometimes you have things to do that just can't wait but there are times that YOU have to understand that some things are not so important that they can't wait until she is asleep. Either for the night or jsut a nap. You could also decide wether or not she could help you. I have found that children want to be near their mommies and daddies all the time. You are here first and most cherished idol. They won't always show it and as they get older they sure won't say it. I have 2 girls and a boy and that little boy just loves to be near me but also loves to be near daddy. to wrestle and play and just be just like him. My husband is a carpenter and my son has all the play tools a carpenter would. The other thing is that you didn't make the baby by yourself and neither did your wife. It has been a team effort from the beginning and it still needs to be. You have to work together to have your own free time. She needs time alone as well as you. Just work together and you will get it right. Always remember, Life is too short to take too seriously. Have funa ndthe rest will fall into place. There is a path that everyone is meant to take and you will find yours. Think about what you wanted and needed from your parents. Be the parent you know your are inside. You have made an effort by coming here and asking questions. Your not being selfish, just confused a little. You'll get it. Don't stress.

Answer 3

You are not selfish you are a new parent. You have spent the first part of your life doing what you want when you want to and now that has suddenly changed. You will get used to this different life you have now. I have a one year old and I had a hard time adjusting to someone depending on me for everything, it doesn't make me a bad parent just a new one. It has been a year now and I don't know if it gets easier or you just learn to better manage your time and tasks but it does get easier. those first few months were really hard on my husband and I too, no sleep snapping at each other you just feel like you don't have a life, but what it is is that you don't have your old life and you just need some time to adjust. Just be patient and try to talk to others with kids the same age it helps.

Answer 4

I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. I am constantly being pulled from one to the other. I am a single mom and their care and needs come from me, only. Their father is lazy and useless, he doesnt even have a job to help me with child support. So to hear that you care is a vast improvement. I feel the exact same way day after day after day. I hate the 2 am feedings when I know I have to wake up at 5 to get ready for work. I just want them to sleep all night like a normal kid. When I am holding a sleeping baby in my arms I get very upset with myself for even thinking that I never get any free time or anything done or being angry that they wont sleep when I want them to. Who can compete with a sleeping baby?? How funny to think they should sleep and eat and play when I want them to. Learning how to multitask has saved me some much needed time. I however, was left out of the pool the day they were passing out patience and ended up with NONE!! So I tend to snap easily and then I feel terrible. Don't let what other people say get you down. You are a good father or you wouldn't care that you fall short. I'm not perfect but I am all my girls have and I love them 200%!! No one is going to do everything just right so don't worry. Just remember time flies and they do grow up quick. So don't be so hard on yourself.

Answer 5

Your feelings are natural for a new parent, you are not selfish, just frustrated. You need to put certain things into perspective. Prioritize what needs to get done over what it is you want to do. You may find you are adding too many things to your list. Also quit putting baby down so you can do stuff, put her in her chair and talk to her while you do your stuff. If its cooking or something like that, of course keep her a safe distance, but where she can still see you and talk to her at the same time.

Dont fall into the trap of holding her everytime she cries, or that you always have to play with her and keep her entertained. She does need the oportunity to explore her toys and stuff on her own in a safe place like a play pen.

I don't believe in letting the tv be a babysitter, but an hour of Sesame Street is a life saver. Hang in there and enjoy this time it does go very fast.

Answer 6

You are not selfish. What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. What is NOT normal is to expect that just because someone - male or female - becomes a parent they cease to have a life or interest outside of the new baby or child. Every new parent goes through this at first. Just keep telling yourself that this demanding stage of parenting does not last forever. Even though when you are sleep deprived and coping with all the new stress it seems like it will never end! Soon your daughter will be more independent and and capable of doing more things with you. The sacrifices you made in her first year or two will build a life long bond between you. Try to think of the time you spend with her now - even when you want to do other things - as adding to her "emotional savings account". You will earn big interest on your investment eventually!

Answer 7

As a stay at home mom I HEAR YOU!!! I too would just want a break but no it's time for the kids again. This was so fustrating to me so I went back to work parttime nights so I could have adult time. I was tired but the thought of adult time kept me going. If I was so stressed and my kids felt like they needed me I would asses the situation. If I had just spent an hour playing and I needed to get some things done I would keep going with my chore. It took the kids some time to get used to but they eventuly did and we learned to compromise. That is not selfish even as a parent you need time to your self. Just try to calm down some before you go nuts. Take a night off you can do that, all parents do eventualy. Good luck man and try to remember that you are only human after all.

Answer 8

Well, I'm not a new parent but I can tell you this my oldest just graduated this year, and my youngest will graduate next year.
And though I am very proud of them now, I cry wondering where
my little boys went. It's not selfish, I think you will be able to figure it out.

Just don't do anything you will look back and regret, there is nothing more precious than you'r child. The time may seem
slow now, but it goes by so fast. That's when it hit's you, they
aren't babies anymore.

Enjoy every moment you can, the world won't stop if you make time for your daughter, you don't get a second chance with
their childhood.

Best of Luck

Answer 9

Well parenting is a two way thing you didnt obviously have this child, wheres her mom, when you are doing something if the mom is around then she should tend to the baby, and vice-versa, if she is in the middle of something and the baby needs somethihng then you go tend to it, you should also come to some agreement where you can go out a couple hours a week by yourself and do your thing and while the mom stays home and then you give mom a couple hours a week to herself while you stay home, that way there you both are tending to the baby and you are both getting a little break ieven if it is only a couple hours a week, that way there neither of you feel like you are doing it on your own, witch trust me from experience will cause problems down the road, if one parent feels like they are doing everything and both parents are present and should have there share.

Answer 10

Few parents DON'T feel what you describe at one time or another. Single moms probably feel that way a lot because they never get any "me time". It doesn't mean you don't love your child or that there is something wrong with you. Everyone needs time to themselves and time to get things done that simply must get done. I suggest that you come up with a schedule that gives you time to do things that must be done (work, home maintenance and repairs, errands, etc.), time for your spouse (e.g. daily period of time set aside to catch up on "business"--perhaps while cooking dinner together and eating; a weekly "date night", etc.), family time (e.g. always have dinner as a family; have a weekly family outing), and time that is specifically for you and your daughter. If you schedule it, you're not stopping in the middle of something to meet immediate demands being placed on you, but are doing what you planned to do at the time you planned to do it. You'll also find that when she knows there are special "Daddy and me" times every day that she can count on, she'll be much less demanding at other times.

About getting up in the night...NO ONE enjoys that, especially when you're really tired! Take turns with your wife and look forward to your daughter sleeping through the night before long.

Best wishes to you and your family!

PS: "Bad" parents wouldn't even worry about such things, so I'm betting that you are a great dad!

Answer 11

This is part of being a parent! Your interest seem to be the last on the list. Yes, it's inconvenient at times having a child. This is where your wife and you take turns so you both can do what needs to get done. I think the both of you should balance this out so you don't feel shelfish.It's important that we all get ME time. Children some times play on this and demand all your attention to much of the time, when they can be entertaining themselves. It's healthy for a child to keep busy on their own. This shows the mind is adventurous, which is a good thing. Hope this is helpful. Cocoa