my heart's confused..?

Question

my ex and i broke up back in march... he is also the father of my one year old... we had been together for almost 5 years...on and off but for many reason we just can't seem to keep it together... recently i've met some really good guys... guys who i could actually see myself dating and who knows maybe one day making something official with. but my ex will always be in the picture, and it doesn't seem like he's willing to let me go. And though i thought i had already let him go, these last two weeks i've found myself contemplating whether or not its worth it to go through the same $hit i've been going through for those 5 years or to just go ahead and move on to someone that will love and respect both my daughter and myself... Any advice?

Answer 1

I feel really sad for you and your young child. What an unfortunate thing for you both. If you feel 100 percent that you and your ex can reconcile then maybe you both have a chance. But if he is just stringing you along for his own satisfaction and comfort and not promising anything permanent as per a relationship then I think that you should move on. I have witnessed breakdowns in relationships where children are involved and seen my friends successfully paired up with new partners. There is someone out there for you, only do it when you feel ready. Your first priority for now should be the happiness of you and your young child. Good luck.

Answer 2

Things are not right in your passed relationship with your ex. There is a reason why your relationship has been on and off all these years. Two people should be nothing but consist ant when they love each other. This means you always treat each other with the same love and respect. This never changes if it's true love. When you feel love from your spouse it's a great feeling of peace fullness and contentment. I think you've wasted enough of your life on this guy. Life can be short,so get on with the the real meaning of a great life. Close your doors to the ex, and find some one who truly will LOVE and RESPECT you. It doesn't get better than that. Hope you take my advise. Cocoa

Answer 3

This is the easiest thing to do.

There were reasons that you broke up so often, being on and off. There are reasons that you finally broke up for good in March. Those reasons are still there. You are who you are and he is who he is. The reasons won't just "poof" go away or else you would have fixed them by now and wouldn't be broken up.

Habit, its what keeps us drawing near to each other. It's a habit for him to have you, a habit for you to want him. Once you make an honest to God clean break, giving yourself enough time to heal and move on, the old habit will eventually lose itself.

So you have to ask yourself if it's worth it, as you said, to keep dealing with the same issues? When you answer that question, you'll know what to do.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Your ex is comfortable...don't fall into the trap of not seeing other people because it is safe, warm and familiar with your ex. If you have been on again/off again for 5 years you need to let the romance part of the relationship go. Your ex will always be in your life because of your child, but that doesn't mean you put your life on hold waiting for him to make a decision. You need to move on and make healthy decisions for you and your child. It seems when you aren't looking for a love life or relationship, that is when the right one comes along...but you have to be receptive and open to the possibility of a new relationship. So I guess you can say you will always love your ex but that doesn't mean you will always be in love with your ex. Good luck.

Answer 5

Your only 24, and your right, your ex is always going to be in your life because you have a child with him. However, that does not mean you have to spend the rest of your life in misery. You don't have to jump into another relationship right away either. You both have to cooperate for the child sake when you are together. Move on with your life the right person will come along.

Answer 6

Move on my love, you can obviously find better. Ofcourse your child's father will always be in the picture, but you both need to realize that for the past 5 years you've been arguing and it can't keep happening, it's not healthy for the child or you. You both just need to let go of eachother and realize it can't work.

Answer 7

You have to have a standard on how you will live your life and what type of life your child will live. Once you have that standard you should hold ever man that comes in your child's life and yours. If you ex does not match the future that you want as hard as it is you have to keep in mind your child. I am a single father and I decided that as hard is it is going to be, the life that I want my child to live was not conducive to what their mother was given them so I moved on and the child is growing to be a great person because I didn't think of me, but I thought of the child. If you need any advice let me know. Good Luck! J

Answer 8

You should move on, but make sure the next guy u go with, ur daughter totally adores, and make sure she still loves her real daddy too, because if she doesn't like the new guy then there will be problems between her and the guy, and if she doesnt keep loving her dad, her dad might get sad and I kno for a fact, for girls when they r young Dads are who they seem to like best.

Answer 9

I am in the EXACT same position as you. The father of my six month old daughter is the love of my life but we argue and fight too much for us to be together right now. Gurl....DATE. Go out and have fun. You take care of your daughter and you deserve to be happy. If he is always going to be in your life.....then he'll always be there. Go and do you right now....if it is meant to be with the two of you it will be. I'm just now learning how to take things as they come. Sure you meet new guys, go out with them, have fun, allow yourself to feel adored, pampered, loved. If things start getting hot and heavy with a new guy make sure he knows your situation. Anybody who walks away from you, you didn't need in the first place. Don't dwell on your ex though, trust me, its not worth it.....you're just going to end up miserable! And that's not good for your well-being, in turn being bad for your child!!

Answer 10

You need to move on with your life. It sounds to me that you are holding on to what could be if you he can just.... Let go!! I know that it is not as easy to do as it is to say but you have a little girl that you need to think about and you have to show her the way to do things. Children learn by example. Try your best to move on, you could be missing out on the relationship that you are looking for with the next guy because you are holding on to this guy when there is nothing there for you to really hold on to. Sorry about the run on sentence.