What method of discipline do you favour for children?

Question

I recently answer a question in regard to an 'out of control' three year old. I was shocked how many people advocated corporal punishment. In addition to the main question please also address the following;
Why should we expect children to obey?
Why should children be, 'in control'?
Do you use the same method of discipline regardless of the issue?
Do you have children of your own?

This question has spawned another, see it here:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=At9aOIT.ac8fYuzZLTXJqLjsy6IX?qid=20060710013247AAyRJST

Answer 1

I favor the 1,2,3.... but if it doesn't work I will do time outs, grounding to the room, and spanking... in that order.
Because they need to respect their parents. I also believe they have the right to speak out if the parent is wrong, and be listened to.
Because children that aren't grow up to be out of control.
No
Yes, 3

Answer 2

Q.1> Children don't always obey, we just hope they do. No one says 'they are supposed to'. Children should know how to behave, not to run in respected places, be quiet in the library and etc.

Q. 2>Children should be in control sometimes, they need a day to be the boss too! It's fun.

Q.3>When my children don't listen I either: a.)make them stand in the corner b.)take away an activity like playing outside for a day or the t.v. or c.)give them extra chores around the house.

Q.4>I have 3 children, all boys and all mine!

Hope it helps.

Answer 3

I have two children age 10 & 7, a 3 yr old is hard if he/she is out of control. How do you make them understand? I suggest you use the naughty chair method, when she misbehaves, put her in a corner on a chair for 3-5 minutes. At my childs ages I use a chart thing where they get stars for good behaviour but a black mark for bad, they save stars for a present. Its working so far.. mostly

Answer 4

Communication is essential in not only building relationships with everyone (including your children) but understanding. How can we as parents expect our children to do better if they don't understand what and why they did wrong? There is a difference in lecturing, and talking. Talking not only nurtures, but helps the child feel more comfortable, and more willing to open up and share information with you, the parent. Information that parents need to understand their child, so we can better guide them into adulthood. Information that parents won't receive if they aren't listening.

Yes I do have children. Keep in mind every child is different, every age group is different -- There is not any "one basic tell all guide" that gets everything right every time.

That is why communication, patience, and understanding are essential.

Answer 5

I have children, and grandchildren, and I've found that a smack on the bottom usually is needed to get their attention if they are under theage of 6 or 7. then you can tell them why you are angry with them, or what they did to frighten you. However, trying to reason with a small child is useless, as they are unreasonable. The best bet is to put them in their beds until they areready to act accordingly to your rules. You should NEVER let your child be in control of any situation other than their play. You shouldn't expect children to be in control of their emotions, however, you SHOULD expect them to treat others with respect. and do what they are told without whining or fighting about it.

Answer 6

The punishment depends on the crime . If my daughter yells at me ( she is only 3 years ) I send her to her room for about 10 mins . If she runs to the road she will go straight to bed ( depending on the time of the day. ) Sometimes a light hand smack works, only if they are doing something that could be really dangerous to them or someone else , like trying to reach up on the stove , trying to mess around with electrical socket , hitting someone.

Answer 7

To be trustworthy i doesn't have a education mind-set that i don't like. I have realised, thinking the undeniable actuality that acquiring our second dogs, that each and each and every dogs desires an extra style of teaching. it would nicely be all what works pleasant for the handler and dogs. some do compared to clicker education and 'all useful' education yet for some dogs's that is the pleasant education to do with them, with diverse dogs, that is the worst. some pups might want to do more advantageous with the 'all useful' and/or clicker education even if different dogs would completely ignore about it. some pups do truly sh*t on 'all useful' preparation and favor a powerful, employer, and honest, correction education otherwise they are going to easily take the crap out of the owner. What i can't abdomen is even as adult males and females say that each and each and every useful preparation or correction preparation are the purely procedures. even as all of us tells all of us else that correcting their dogs and/or employing prongs, e-collars etc is cruel and is torturing the dogs. even as all of us else tells a 'bunny hugger' that each and each and every one useful preparation, clicker preparation etc is BS....i do not comprehend why people do it, surely. case in factor, Tess is a 'tender' dogs yet she needs employer education, so she works passable with correction and positive education (the academic *i* and Tess artwork impressive with). She desires reward even as she does something superb, even if even as she is interior the mistaken, extra many times than not, she will have the ability to get a strong, very harsh "the following!" that i say in, what my mum calls it, my 'guy voice' ahaha. Millie, even if, is a procedures softer and so she works extra many times than not on in simple terms positive, even as she does mistaken she even if receives a 'correction' even if that is not as strong as Tess'; a raised voice is comparatively all Millie desires to carry close she has achieved mistaken. i'm lower than the impression that that is all what's passable for the handler and the dogs, now not what others *evaluate* is the concepts-blowing mind-set. final analysis, a education procedure that has worked for one dogs would probably not artwork the equivalent for yet another.

Answer 8

The reasons for coporal punishment are simple.

If the child does not fear you at 6, they won't respect you at 16.

If you can't control a 3yo, when WILL you be able to control them? They have obviously learned to control YOU. I have two girl nieces that I raise. They know their limits.

Answer 9

I have many methods of discipline, whatever works. I use behavior charts for my 4 yr old, where he earns points for good behavior and no penalties if he doesn't. I sit and talk to him the first time he does something unacceptable, ask him why he did it, and what would be a better way of handling it next time. Lots of hugs then, and we move on. If that doesn't work, then he gets a sad face on my smiley face system, and he doesn't like those at all. If that doesn't work, then he gets sent to his room until he's ready to calm down and act nicely. Then, if that doesn't work, he gets a spanking, followed by another discussion of why it was wrong and how should he handle it, and lots of hugs. By the time we get to that point he has had ample time to decide to CHOOSE to behave, and he obviously is doing whatever it was on purpose, and that's not acceptable.
Your other questions:
1. We should expect children to obey for many reasons. For one, it's not fair to anyone else in the house if one child is hitting, biting, throwing things at them, or showing disrespect. There are rules in the house that have to be followed, unless that is an only child, then I guess they can run rampant. Second, if we don't teach them that they HAVE to obey, then it's not being fair to them when they start school and have to obey the teachers, or get a job and have to obey their boss, or have to obey the laws of the land, or ultimately, to obey God. Teaching them to obey us is the cornerstone to getting them to realize they need to obey the Lord. Third, teaching them to obey helps us keep them safe. Today, my 4 yr old ran away from me outside, and I had to chase him down. That is NOT safe, and cannot be tolerated.
2. I'm not sure what you mean by that one, except why should they be in control of their actions or emotions? That shouldn't be that hard to figure out, sorry if that sounds rude, but it's true. Again, I'll use his brother. Is it fair to his 1 1/2 yr old brother if he throws a car at him out of anger and hits him in the eye? No, it's not at all. He needs to be taught that it's alright to feel angry, but that's not a proper way to handle the situation, he needs to learn how to use his words. He has autism, so that isn't easy for him, and in this area we give him a lot of room for errors, but you get my point. If he doesn't learn this now, when he's an adult he's going to end up in jail because he can't 'control' himself. Lessons learned in childhood carry over to adulthood, so our jobs as parents is the MOST IMPORTANT job we have. They are too young to see past today to understand that there are consequences to their actions, and it's up to us to teach this.
3. Not necessarily, although I am as consistent as possible. When he ran away from me? That was an automatic spanking, that was not something to give him chances with, because he was very lucky he didn't get hit by a car the first time. But it's very rare that I spank first, I use that as a last resort. In all other situations, I am pretty consistent, otherwise he'll never learn what I'm trying to teach him. I use spanking as an enforcer to teaching him what he needs to learn about life, not to teach him about life. There's a big difference. The second, he's going to be centered on fear of getting a spanking, but with the first, he's learning the life lessons, but if he refuses to ignore them, then it's being reinforced that this is something that's important.
4. Yes, I have two boys, 4 and 1 1/2, and I have raised many for other people. With my youngest, he's old enough to understand that when I say 'no' he's to stop, so that's the only thing we work with. He's really not old enough to understand the 'do what I say', so we don't work on that. If he keeps doing something after being told 'no', I do the three count, he gets his hand slightly slapped, and I move him to another area and try to get him interested in something else. He's got about two years to go before sitting him down and explaining to him will work.
Basically my point is, that all kids are different, and they have good days and bad days. Some kids will only respond to being spanked, some kids never have to have one, and that's great! I don't believe ALL kids need a spanking. Sometimes all it takes is to sit and find out what they're needing, meet the needs and they're fine. It's whatever works, as long as they are understanding that they are NOT old enough to know what's best for them. Again, I'm speaking in terms of small children beause that's what I have. The rules change as they get older and can understand more.

Answer 10

I don't have kids but my parents always gave me time outs, in my room. I had to sit on my bed and I couldn't read, couldn't play with toys, etc. As I got older I rarely got grounded. However, I think a side effect of that is that I don't really like being in my room. Its boring.