My dad left when I was 6 and now he wants this great father/daughter relationship. How do I get over the feelings of abandonment from when I was a child?
2006-07-09 20:23:40 · 6 answers · asked by krystal4lynne 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would say that you need to make small gestures and overtures. Spend small amounts of time with him just getting to know him. You may find out that the circumstances were such that he couldn't stay with the family. Sometimes the view point you learn about from the other person (ie; your Mother) is not always 100% accurate.
I found out after my Father died that he had tried to send me money numerous times after he left. My Mother always intercepted the money and kept it. I learned this from his personal letters to my Grandmother. So just remember that there can be two sides to each story.
2006-07-09 20:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by rhutson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start by being honest with him and explain your feelings. Ask him for an honest explanation as to why he left. If he didn't keep in touch, why? Why is it now so important to him?
Just try to keep in mind circumstances and people do or can change. He may have been a very messed up individual who finally is getting it together. Until you understand who he was, it may very well be that it could have been more damaging to you if he had been around. This is a time for understanding, not simply feeling your loss. You have a right to feel anger, but don't push him away simply as payback.
It's also OK not to give him any promises things will work out or that he can pick up as if nothing happened. You don't owe it to him simply because he's your biological father. If you can be open minded, the ball is fully in his court to earn your respect and trust. He can't give you back the lost years, so don't expect it. If there's an opportunity for a positive relationship starting from today, then why lose an entire lifetime?
Is it worth it to you to take the chance?
Don't be afraid of him disappointing you again. At least this time you'll know something about him and not be left asking why.
2006-07-10 03:42:36 · answer #2 · answered by Dale P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you will need to meet him as a friend then a father/daughter relationship. Your feeling is right but you have to listen to him as to why he left the way he did.. If he wants to get back in the relationship he might have something in mind thats why he made the contact.
He probably did not know how to explain things to you at that young age from which you would have many more questions which cud have been difciult.
About getting over the feelings of abondment meeting as a friend will not make u feel that abondmanet. Try to understand him..
All the best.
Smile always
2006-07-10 03:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by Smile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ye if he takes you up again theres no harm although you will have to adjust for your lifetime now but he being your father will always be a good support to your life even if you get married
2006-07-10 03:30:02 · answer #4 · answered by midas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go and talk to him. at first treat him as a friend not as a dad. try to understand him and make him to understand you. later if you will comfortable with your dad. start treating him as a dad. get permission from your mom whether she likes or not. if she does not like please don't because she was the one who brought you till now. so go according to your moms wish. it is just my opinion.
2006-07-10 03:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance. Who knows, it might work out. And if it doesn't, no one said you had to like him. Best wishes!
2006-07-10 03:27:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋