Ok so I keep dating girls who have a past boyfriend who were verbally abusive/controlling, etc (I know, how lucky am I?). These girls are alot of fun to be around and love life but they just seem to have trouble with relationships after being with a guy like that.
Now I know just being there for her/telling her how I feel and giving her time (but not waiting around forever) to gradually get over her fears is a solution...but there must be something better. Something I can do to...you know, speed things up.
2006-07-09 19:17:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im not worried about waiting around, I just don't want to be some wussy boy waiting for her to find some other guy (if it's even the case).
2006-07-09 19:27:03 · update #1
Speaking as a woman who was badly burned by a relationship, there isn't much you can do to speed things up. Be open, be honest, don't push, but it is also completely understandable for you to move on if she isn't in the same place you are. Let's face it, that goes for all couples.
If you start dating a gal who you really have feelings for who is relearning to trust, the best thing you can do is prove to her that "not all men are scum." It's really simple, other than the time issue - be honest with her, respect her, treat her as you feel a woman should be treated.
After dating for a couple of months, my boyfriend once told me that he was tired of living under "the b*stard's" shadow. That turned out to be a wakeup call for me because I realized that this was a completely different man and situation and that I *was* ready to trust again. (That was over 2 years ago.) But that last part is a decision only she can make.
Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is to not let yourself get too attached to girls in this situation. Nothing wrong with you looking out for your own well-being, too.
2006-07-09 19:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you can do to speed things up, if you want to have an honest and healthy relationship with someone who has been hurt before.
It takes time to get over someone, and time to trust someone new.
If you don't feel like waiting for a girl to be comfortable with you, then you're best to move on. "Trying to speed things up" can force someone into a more serious relationship than they're ready for and is likely to lead to another breakup.
2006-07-10 02:23:48 · answer #2 · answered by chia_vampire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you can help them look at all the negative things about their past relationship, and try not to bring the past guy up in a convorsation or something, that should help her get over it a tad bit quicker.
2006-07-10 02:22:44 · answer #3 · answered by J4m35 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eeek.. get out of that.. if she wants you, she'll have you.. it's as simple as that.. the whole, my ex made me fear things.. Is BS! That's just part of the game brother.. trust me, I've met women who've been through worse.. they'll push away and push away until they find the right guy they want.. and then they will be all over him, like nothing ever happened..
2006-07-10 02:23:31 · answer #4 · answered by kerbourchardalan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy she needs to get over the past before she can move forward. Its great that you want to be there for her it really is a tuff road she is going to need a rock just be prepared to be that for her.Good luck!!!!
2006-07-10 02:23:14 · answer #5 · answered by serena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you might need to take a look at yourself. is there a reason you are with girls like this? maybe you like the feeling of rescuing or something. not that theres anything wrong with that. its just that these are people feeling. take care. you cant rush what might never happen
2006-07-10 02:26:11 · answer #6 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be careful with her shes been through alot .and for all you know she might be testing you.Take thing slow you could miss a lot of things rushing. Things will be moving alone before you know it . (good luck)
2006-07-10 02:30:44 · answer #7 · answered by K-SOLO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea i hate the feeling when u jjust want things to move on faster...just try to show her as much as u can that ur different that ur not like that be a gentilmen and take her out you know...
dont worry ull get it right!
2006-07-10 02:22:00 · answer #8 · answered by hotloverxo328 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try giving her favorite flower. If she ask tell her no reason or you knew she was down in the dumps so here's a pick me up.
2006-07-10 02:21:15 · answer #9 · answered by Berties 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
women are a weird breed and have got no idea good luck
2006-07-10 02:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋