any moms or dads out there with some advice? teenagers?

Question

i have a 14 yr old son and a 14 yr old stepdaughter and a 3 and 4 yr old. here lately the two older kids have been saying your not my dad and your not my mom, i hate you, im only a step kid to you, is it because we had 2 more children together or what? it all started about 1 1/2 yrs ago. i have a seriuos problem and need help if you can help me please email me where i can give more info. more to story , please only serious people who want to help reply

Answer 1

Why doesn't their father talk to them? And have consequences
for their actions?? What is he doing? He HAS to back you up.
Stepkids try to seperate and come in between parents if they
can. That is why having "family talk time" in the livingroom will
probably help solve some problems. They don't respect you,
your husband needs to just step in and tell them what's what!!
Make sure they do not disrespect you. If you have to play hard
ball, then do it. But just don't let them make you miserable !
And if hubby doesn't show them he is backing you up, then you
really got a problem Houston........good luck, to ya..... SM

Answer 2

I have three step kids ages now 21,19,17 and my own two are 8 and 3. When I married my husband he came with these kids then ages were 11,9,7. I had a lot of problems with my 17 yr old, then he was 7, he would say I hate you, my reply was I don't care you still have to obey me in my home. He would say your not my mom, my reply was I know you already have one of those. But I am your step mother and you will obey me in my home. My point was to let him know that his hurtful words had no effect on me. Even though a lot of times I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Eventually when he saw that he couldn't hurt me, he quit with that and tried to act out, which he was quickly reigned in for. My step son is now a hard working young adult, who both loves and respects me as well as his mother. It just takes time, patience and love. And you cannot treat your own children any different than you do your step kids. In reality they are ALL your children, so treat them equally.

Answer 3

I'd rather not give out my e-mail in general. If you don't mind, I'll share a bit here: I grew up in a blended family: stepfather with 2 sons; my mother had 4 daughters (I was the youngest); and they had one more daughter, 3 years younger than me. I was married for 11 years, divorced, and now my children are 17 and 19. Some teenagers say, "I hate you" to their parents because they are teenagers. (Fortunately, my children never did say to me, "I hate you," at least not yet.) When teens say things like this, it really means something else. They are really asking for help. I would guess they feel sort of left out and feel they don't have a function in the family. Get them involved in the family life. Show them how important they are to the family. For example, make a list of chores and have them choose the five they want to accomplish that day. When they do the chores, reward them. Or get interested in what they are interested in. Do they like sports? Do they play a musical instrument? Do they enjoy acting/theater? These are just some of my thoughts. I don't really know your kids/step kids. But with my experience growing up, and my current situation, emphasis needs to be placed on individual's importance in the family. How can each individual add to the family?

Answer 4

sure, i think of this is going to bypass. I also have a sixteen-12 months-old son and he went via an identical factor the place he did not easily need lots to do with every physique. possibly your son is slightly depressed approximately his chum shifting. additionally, i think of the infants team at church may be stunning and because he does not opt to attend, i think of i might "insist" that he circulate and a minimum of attempt it out. If he genuinely hates it he does not ought to shop going. playstation : My son by no ability have been given into activities the two, yet he ultimately discovered his interest a pair of years in the past--fishing. possibly your son may be drawn to somebody type of activity like that.

Answer 5

14 is a great age to be rebellious. They are starting to try to find out who they are as individuals, not as someone's child/stepchild. It is a time to establish their "independence." (as in they are different from you and that you can't control them) It is especially frustrating to them that they ARE dependent on you for some things; they may be unique, but they are still a part of their origin/family. It would be especially easy for them to take it out on the stepparent because they are not their original family. They know they should respect you, but it's easier for them to claim their independence from the stepparent.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like they are mad at since you do have these new kids ....to them at least ...But have no fear ,,,when yo have a stepparent in the house & these kids try to use that ...Do not owrry it is a phase They think that these other 2 kids are replacing them Let them know that it is not true that u still love them no matter what ..good luck ...

Answer 7

give them both a kick in to reality and being a step mom myself there right youre not there mother or hes not there dad but they still have to respect you but be more of a friend to them on both sides you gatta be a cool step parent and still be respected in the prosses

Answer 8

They became teenagers and at that stage, if you say no to them, they'll throw back anything just to hurt you. Don't let them get to you try and let it run off you without comment but stick to your guns. My adopted daughter used to say I wasn't her "real" mom but, now that she's grown up and away from home she realizes how much I love her.

Answer 9

You have to gain there trust.
You have to do some things that they like doing and make them like you. Take them places they want to go. Buy them things that they like. You have to kiss azz for a while. You have to be there dream mom

Answer 10

that's the key word...teenager. they will do and say anything to get their way...it is time to sit down with hubby and teens and have long talk, get someone to keep the little ones....if they understand your worries, maybe they will tell you how they feel and why. it's not easy with teens, i got two myself, they are always in compitition with one another. my mother in law tells me i should duct tape them together, lip to lip til they agree to get along.