how does a parent take back controll of a 9 year old boy?

Answer 1

ummm...you take it. just like that.. he's NINE! if he doesn't listen...keep at him till he does. if you have to never leave your house for two weeks, show him who is boss. i guarantee you he KNOWS he controls you. make a believer out of him w/o abusing him.

Answer 2

..So difficult at this age. I would begin by telling him that I wasn't happy about certain behaviors.I would list them,perhaps on a chart., then,I would talk about what the new behavior and house rules was expected.For example,perhaps he talks back to you and is not respectful. You can put on the chart,"WE WILL ALL SPEAK NICELY TO EACH OTHER"....of course you'll have to be careful to speak nicely to him,too. On the other side of the chart it will say,perhaps, "NO VIDEO GAMES FOR ONE FULL DAY" another line might say, "BROTHERS WILL NOT HIT EACH OTHER" and the other side of the column could say,"PEOPLE WHO HIT OR BULLY CAN NOT HAVE FRIENDS OVER OR GO TO A FRIENDS HOUSE FOR TWO DAYS", By now I'm sure you get the idea. The most difficult part for you is sticking to the 'punishment' ,no matter what. He has to know that you are serious about these changes. At first he'll be angry. He won"t like it and he won't believe that you can stick with it because things (him) have been out of control for such a long time. Never allow him to hit you. If it is okay to hit Mom when you are 2 and 5 and 9 will it also be okay for him to hit you when he is (God forbid) 6'tall and 17 yrs. old? I believe that you'll find that within a few weeks he'll be happy to be living in a home where the parents are in control and his life is more peaceful and in control, too. Kids need rules. It makes them feel safe. Be strong and Good luck

Answer 3

Use his 'things' as currency. If he is slightly out of control, take away the TV, video games, etc., and tell him that he has to 'earn' them back by displaying good behavior. Explain to him why you are taking the things (lock them away), explain your disappointment at his behavior, give examples of past behavior, point out the other things that he will 'lose' through his continued bad behavior, describe the kind of behavior that you will accept - and stick to your guns. Reward his 'good' behavior by returning those lost items (in order of last removed) and give him words of encouragement. If he is completely out of control - remove everything but the bed. This is behavior that you should have put in check when he was 2 years old. It seems to be a lost art, these days, last used by the pre-boomer generation. I don't know if you are old enough to remember 'the look' - the one that stopped you in your tracks when you got the idea to misbehave. I am, and I continue the tradition. Admittedly, the 'look' works less and less as the days go by, but the currency works amazingly well. It's hard to put a 14 year old over your knee, especially when he's almost as tall as me! The currency method also teaches him a very important life-lesson: the only things that are of value are the things that you earn. It will serve him well later in life. I got the idea from a speaker I saw on PBS. This guy, took all of his son's things, locked them in the boy's room, and made him sleep on the sofa. The son complained "You don't love me!". The dad responded, with a straight face "I love you so much that I want to keep you as safe as possible. You can only fall out of ONE side of the sofa". Tough love? Yeah, but you are not his friend. You are his parent - act like it!

Answer 4

He's pushing you to test his boundries, PUSH BACK!
Forget about how it makes you feel to punish him, just do it. Be creative with the punishments. I use grounding...from the GameBoy, computer, t.v., playing with friends, whatever he enjoys the most. If you do a time out, don't just send him to his room to lay on his bed and relax. Stand him in the same room as you and have him put his nose to the wall.
My boys would start at 3-5 minuets, the second time they did the same thing in the same day it would be 7-10 min., then 15, then 20. We got all the way to 30 min one day and then the timeouts started to happen less frequently. Now my boys 8 and 11 don't stand there anmore. They don't need to. I have control and they love me (they tell me every day).
You caould also try enrolling him in a martial arts class. Give him something constructive to do, something he can be proud of, something that will teach him respect.

Answer 5

You should watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny..these women really know what they're talking about. It might help you. I've seen some really rowdy kids on there and they end up well behaved by the end. Maybe you could go on the show lol..

The women of Nanny 911 have a book out called Nanny 911 : Expert Advice for All Your Parenting Emergencies
Check out ebay or amazon...It might even be at your local library

Answer 6

Take some parenting classes or read parenting books. Have a meeting with him and let him know that in the past you've made parenting mistakes, and now it's time to fix them. Lay it all out for him, that way there will be no surprises.

Answer 7

do you mean that he is out of control? you need to set him down and tell him the rules. write the rules down as a reminder and put them on the refrigerator. ALSO, explain that there will be discipline if the rules aren't followed AND DON'T GIVE IN ON THIS PART. if the child doesn't behave properly USE PUNISHMENT. the best punishment that i have found is setting my 10 year old son in "time out". 3-5 minutes does the trick. BUT DON'T JUST LEAVE HIM THERE. i lecture my son for the entire time! this has been successful with all three of my step-children and all four of my own children. now that my oldest step-daughter is 19 and in college (safely away from time out) she openly admits that the worst part of time out was the lecture! (yeah me, it worked). i only use short periods of time (as mentioned above) on my younger children... but the older ones SOMETIMES got a whole hour (depending on the bad behavior). give it a try. i'm hoping this is as successful for you as it was for me!

Answer 8

Catostrophic consequences for his actions.

Don't threaten, do !!!! Don't plead, beg or make it power stuggle. Tell him once, remind him once, then act. Third time is NOT the charm.

Take away the games, the video games, even his door to his room if he doesn't behave, back talks, etc.

It may be hell for a while, but in the end it will be worth it.

Answer 9

Cut him off from his perks. Like take away video games, don't allow him to play with his friends, and if need be take away the family (or if he has one) tv. Tell him that he is old enough to know what respect is and he cannot have these things back until he learns to act like a human.

Answer 10

Find and watch the video Magic 1-2-3. I don't remember the name of the doctor featured, but it will become a weapon in your arsenal.
The other thing is CONSISTENCY. Mean what you say. That said, place limits with realistic consequences, and enforce them the same way every time.

Answer 11

Call Dr. Phil !!!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. There are many great books on this type of subject. Go to Barnes and Noble web site and search for something that you find helpful. In store orders have free shipping. Wal-Mart has really good prices on books in store selection is not very good but on line is decent.